lostinmymind Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 This last weekend my ex-gf was having her grad party. I was invited of course. I still want to have a good relationship with her so I went. I knew I'd have friends there and her entire family loves me. I got there and her new 'fling' was there too, I just acted like I didn't notice and talked to other people. Me and him met eyes a couple times...not pleasant! After about 10 min of me being there he LEFT THE PARTY even though it wasn't over for another 3 hours. I later learned he said to her, "I'm gonna go, I don't want to make anyone feel bad." Now, I went there knowing he would be there, and he knew I would be there, did he wimp out by leaving. Another weird thing, I went to say hi to my ex. She gave me a hug and acted all excited to see me. She started getting all teary eyed saying she keeps crying because she had lost her voice, but why cry around me and nobody else? I grabbed her hand to comfort her by instinct and she actually held back and didn't pull away. It was sorta awkward. We kept talking everytime we were by each other at this thing too. I think we both still have strong feelings for each other...they just aren't able to be realized right now. ANYWAYS what is everyone's opinion on him leaving the party so suddenly when I arrived? Is he scared of me? Maybe he just can't handle the fact he knows he is an a**h***? I doubt he truly cares about if he makes me feel bad or not.
laRubiaBonita Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 why would he want to stay? i would say, if you wanted to be the bigger man, you Should NOT have gone.
Jolene Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 What is it with you ex lovers and tormenting the other person's life? The antics you describe are precisely why I suggested to my boyfriend why his ex is not going to be my friend or any part of our married life. He's going to eventually get rid of this pair of old jeans when he realizes she is only diggin her claws in for selfish reasons....and he is just too nice to see it!!! Can you really just be friends after an intimate relationship? Is it really appropriate to flaunt your affections past or present in front of her new partner(s)? What does it say about her to "torment" her partner by rubbing it in that you and her share a closeness that he is not a part of. Really....do you think you are just friends or ever would be or could be? Why are you hanging on? An x is an x
Author lostinmymind Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 Good points. I went because she is a huge part of my life and wanted to help her celebrate her graduation. He isn't really her 'new partner', they can never really be, he is moving away in less than 2 months and she just met him a month ago. Her and I will be living across the hall starting in September (prior plans), I pray that doesn't turn into a HUGE disaster. Just thought I'd share that... My life is just a mess...who knows what is going to happen!?
laRubiaBonita Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 understood...you were invited. But, exGF also means exGF Family.......and yeah, they care about you and all, especially aroung grad. time, But for your sake, just DO NOT goa there, or antwhere near her!
Sal Paradise Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita why would he want to stay? i would say, if you wanted to be the bigger man, you Should NOT have gone. Exactly! But even beyond that why the hell would she invite him? Sounds like this girl is playing games to me.
Mary3 Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 You sound wayyyyyyyyyy too involved in her life for being an X. You are an X for a reason ! I think shame on you for hurting her new bf by being there at that party when it clearly bothered him. You get gratification from * knowing * details about him and you still harbor feelings for her and you and her both are hurting another person. She is oblivious to what that did to her new guy. You could care less what it did to him. You called him an a**hole. An a**hole : why ? Because he is with her and not YOU. These 3 way - I am not over the x crap - has got to go. ... I think that person that needs to go is YOU ! She is in rebound at this point and still has feelings for you. This truly makes me sick because I was once there. You both need a reality check. And you need to either be with her or get out of her life. With all these * feelings * swimming around nobody has a fair chance to enter into your new life or hers. Does that make you feel happy ?
Author lostinmymind Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 Honestly, it's not like the two are in love. I also HIGHLY doubt it hurt him. They barely know each other, he has a new girl just about every two weeks, and they both know their relationship can't last when school starts back up. It's quite difficult to get out of her life when she wants me in it. I wouldn't say she is playing games, she just doesn't realize what she is doing. She is pretty unexperienced when it comes to relationships, I don't think she understands what works and what doesn't. I don't really believe I need to get out of her life, just distance myself. The reason she is my ex is because she wants to figure things out. Sometimes i don't think NC is always the best answer for every situation.
Sal Paradise Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmymind Honestly, it's not like the two are in love. I also HIGHLY doubt it hurt him. They barely know each other, he has a new girl just about every two weeks, and they both know their relationship can't last when school starts back up. It's quite difficult to get out of her life when she wants me in it. I wouldn't say she is playing games, she just doesn't realize what she is doing. She is pretty unexperienced when it comes to relationships, I don't think she understands what works and what doesn't. I don't really believe I need to get out of her life, just distance myself. The reason she is my ex is because she wants to figure things out. Sometimes i don't think NC is always the best answer for every situation. Its not any of your business if they're in love or not. You need to remove yourself from the situation. That will make you a BIGGER MAN. Or you can stay involved in her life causing problems and appearing pathetic.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmymind Honestly, it's not like the two are in love. I also HIGHLY doubt it hurt him. They barely know each other, he has a new girl just about every two weeks, and they both know their relationship can't last when school starts back up. It's quite difficult to get out of her life when she wants me in it. I wouldn't say she is playing games, she just doesn't realize what she is doing. She is pretty unexperienced when it comes to relationships, I don't think she understands what works and what doesn't. I don't really believe I need to get out of her life, just distance myself. The reason she is my ex is because she wants to figure things out. Sometimes i don't think NC is always the best answer for every situation. You're seeing things through skewed glasses. Notice the feedback you are receiving? You'd be smart to heed their advice.
Author lostinmymind Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 I pretty much know what I have to do already, it's just nice to have some people back that up. I really feel I can't just remain 'friends' with this girl for the time being. She told me she can't give me what I'm willing to give her right now, well it goes both ways. She knows she is being selfish right now, and I was trying to keep from doing that myself...but you know what...why shouldn't I? She will never realize what her actions are doing until I am gone. This whole situation between her and I has been a huge mess! She doesn't know what she wants, I just want her (actually I'm not so sure what I want anymore either), we can't just leave each others lives because we will be living by each other in 2 months. Hopefully we can at least take a two month break from each other. I really hope things will get better and I won't be stuck in this unknowing stage all the time. It's really messed up of her to want to live by me and be all excited and then a month later say she wants a break from our relationship. Thanks for securing me in your future but then saying you don't want me! She has also said she wants to be single her first year of college, but she has also talked like we will be together. I hope she figures **** out and that I don't get dragged along for the ride! Anyways I'm just frustrated with everything right now, thanks for everyone's advice. I need to go find something to do that makes me not think about any of this for awhile. I'm just a wreck
Mary3 Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 I can see this is a Train Wreck out of control..... Go ahead and be in denial. Go ahead and keep talking to her . Go ahead and try and convince us that this is the right thing to do. Go ahead and tell us that every person that comes into her life will be brushed off as insignificant. Go ahead and waste your life on something like this instead of being a MAN and letting her get on with her life. Do you need a pacifier with that infantile behavior of yours ? If she is inexperienced in relationships, then arent you the nice helper who reminds her that you are there....you have a hidden agenda. Please get off the pity pot and leave her alone. Where is my can of Raid.?? I smell a cockroach here...
Author lostinmymind Posted June 25, 2005 Author Posted June 25, 2005 If you can tell me how to let her get on with her life when she tells me she never wants me out of her life and when I'm going to be living within 20 feet of her next year you go ahead and tell me. It's not like I call her everyday, I haven't called her in about 2 weeks. I've been in NC for awhile...aside from the messages and voicemails she has left me. Neither of us want to move on in our lives away from each other. Just each other in a relationship. You totally don't understand the situation.
Mary3 Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 You are broken up correct ? Or you are not broken up ? If you are broken up then your relationship as a couple has ended ? That means alot changes, sexually, companionship, compassion, closeness... Are you still physically involved with her ? She never wants you to go out of her life ? Wake up call here. The foundation of the relationship WILL change and does change. She wants you to be her friend ? You need to tell her that you have friends already and you CANNOT be a friend to someone you have these type of feelings for ! So you want to be friends as I re-read your post 6 times. ? You cannot be friends unless you feel like she is a *sister* to you now. She cannot be your friend if she feels like you are still a *lover* Or a lost love... . You dont want to lose her in your life. You *have* lost her and have to make the painful decision to have NC for at least 3 months and then perhaps consider a platonic friendship. Who initiated the breakup ? To make it more simple. Either get back together or stay apart and heal your suffering....You cant ping pong back and forth. You are going to get some major hurt here. So is she . For the next man in her life. Sad...
westernxer Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Originally posted by lostinmymind You totally don't understand the situation. Course we do... you're the one who doesn't understand.
Sal Paradise Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Course we do... you're the one who doesn't understand. Exactly. Situations like yours are a dime a dozen. There isn't a lot to understand really. You can't let go and you're obsessed with the exe and remaining in her life. I don't care how much she tries to contact you. No one forces you to stay in contact. You're acting pathetic. You don't own her. You have no claims to her at all. Be a man and let her move on and let yourself move on. Your opinions of whether she is really in love with someone is irrelevant. Its inappropriate for you to stay around. Put yourself in his shoes, what if someone she was with before you stayed hanging around like a pathetic dog waiting for table scraps? Be a man and find someone else.
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