Is this normal????

[leslie236]

I am newly divorced. I just started dating again. I posted an online dating profile and I have met several nice men.

 

HOweVEr, it seems all of them want sex asap.

 

I am a Catholic and I met a guy online 3 days ago. We met for drinks and kissed on the way out. Then we had lunch yesterday and kissed a bit more.

 

Today he came over to spend the day with me and as soon as i gave him a tour of my house (around noon) he started kissing me and then undressing me. I stopped him nicely and he said he was gonna have "blue balls"

 

I like the guy and we were supposed to have dinner tonight, but I chose not to.... I told him I had unexpected family issue. I felt like I would have been pressured to have sex.

 

Am I off base here? Is this normal? It was ALMOST a second date...and he had my shirt off and his hands down my pants.. I just felt it was too fast? Do I need to reevaluate?

[Dis]

Wow...I'm sorry hun

 

And yes...this is way TOO fast!

 

Ok so all the information you've gathered should tell you...this guy only wants sex....I wouldnt pursue anything further with this guy

 

Onto the next!

 

Dont worry though...not all guys on OLD are like this...I think you just found a douche...next time dont take a guy to your house on the second date....wait alittle longer for that

[leslie236]

Thank you! You make me feel better. I am new to this but I have to say it just felt like too much.

 

Also his whole platform is that he is Catholic. I am too. He has been dying to meet a Catholic girl. But it was our second real date? I am glad I pushed him off

 

I told him nicely that we should wait and go for lunch. That is when he said that I was giving him blue balls but he would be a good boy. But them started again and reached down my pants and into my (private parts)

 

That isn't moral I hope...

 

 

 

 

 

OTE=Disillusionment373;6923510]Wow...I'm sorry hun

 

And yes...this is way TOO fast!

 

Ok so all the information you've gathered should tell you...this guy only wants sex....I wouldnt pursue anything further with this guy

 

Onto the next!

 

Dont worry though...not all guys on OLD are like this...I think you just found a douche...next time dont take a guy to your house on the second date....wait alittle longer for that

[Dis]

Hun I wouldnt go to lunch with this guy tomorrow or the next day...I'd dismiss him all together.

 

If he made you feel this uncomfortable this early on....move onto the next

 

Pls be aware though...OLD takes alot of time...your going to have to kiss alot of frogs before you meet your prince so you might have to weed a few more of these guys out in the future.

 

Be patient and hopeful....you'll find the right guy...it'll just take time

 

But pls do dismiss this one though...he's shown you his true colors...believe him

[leslie236]

So let me ask...what's normal on this stuff. I am newly divorced. Dated a guy seriously up until a month ago. He was a gentleman. We waited at least a month. And I thought even that was fast.

 

What is typical protocol? I like to wait until we are exclusive to have sex. Is that even close to possible these days?

[Dis]

So let me ask...what's normal on this stuff. I am newly divorced. Dated a guy seriously up until a month ago. He was a gentleman. We waited at least a month. And I thought even that was fast.

 

What is typical protocol? I like to wait until we are exclusive to have sex. Is that even close to possible these days?

 

Of course thats possible...you determine what your comfortable with.....that is the normal protocol for you. I'm the same way..I need exclusivity to have sex. Usually you'll be able to let a guy know what your comfortable with but this guy moved so fast you didnt have a chance.

 

Good guys wont move at such a fast pace....they'll respect you and learn about you so they know what moves are too soon and what moves are ok.

 

You do what feels right for you...a good guy will follow your lead

[Mumbles]

I'd like to agree with Disillusionment373, but I'm sort of umming and ahhing.

 

Likewise I applaud you for even asking this question. The PC answer is 'of course' but you are asking from a real world perspective .. and the PC world and the real world these days are miles apart.

 

I think in your example guy/date here we are broadly seeing the result of modern dating and OLD in particular. No one gives anyone any time anymore, connections are fleeting at best and this problem then, potentially, drives otherwise 'normal' and respectful people into crazy behavior.

 

Now, of course, I don't know the guy here, he might just be an idiot who doesn't know how to treat people he meets, let alone prospective future partners ... but ... the thought occurs that perhaps he -was- a genuine single guy who once didn't act this way, but has been brushed off and had his time wasted by so many one off dates, no-shows, blah blah that he's now in a sense ... sort of desperate ... I know that the word 'desperate' has seriously bad connotations, especially on a forum like this, but as you've been kind enough to phrase your query in terms of 'reality', and for the benefit of others reading this... just think for a moment.

 

I am not arguing to give this fella another shot - sounds like he's already broken, but I am more generally pondering your question 'is this normal' - I think, in a less extreme sense that yes, these days, it probably is.

 

After my own divorce I walked away with a solid sense of 'life is too short'. I wasn't supposed to get divorced, this wasn't part of the plan, we were meant to be building ... a life, a material and spiritual life ... together. Anyway, things ended and all the spirit and material stuff just turned to dust.

 

Lifes too short

 

I am married again now, and in a relationship quite divergent from the norm, but thats another story. If I were still single, and going by my thoughts and behaviour from when I was divorced and single, I was and am happy to give the right woman the times she needs .. if she wants to wait, but, in line with the 'life is too short' thing, I won't agree to being exclusive with her under these conditions, because its akin to involuntary celibacy and will just drive me crazy.

 

The time to become exclusive, in all senses of the meaning, not only sexual, is when you are both meeting each others needs. Future promises, of essentially anything, are meaningless vapour - as divorcees we once promised to be together until death ... and see how that ended (I joke ... but only a little bit).

[angel.eyes]

Yikes! Disillusionment is right on the money. Regardless of what this guy says at this point, you're clearly not on the same page.

 

As background, I met my current boyfriend and my last ex via OLD. There are incredible guys on there...if you screen properly. A few caveats:

• Just because a guy states he's Christian, Catholic, religious, or whatever viewpoint you claim is important to you,doesn't mean he automatically shares your views or values. For some it's marketing. For others, it's just a label. For others still, they may adhere to the same faith but interpret your shared religion differently. It's important to ascertain that you are actually on the same page, rather than assume you are and run with it until you're unpleasantly blindsided as happened here.
  
• Ditto for guys who claim to want a relationship. Some do. Others do, but not with you. And for some, it's simply marketing. Again it's on you to ascertain that you're on the same page.
  
• Now, no offense, but you come across in this thread as a little desperate. As if, if you turn down this douche that you barely know, you're never going to find someone...or rather someone who won't treat you the way this guy just did. That's not true. Screen more carefully before you agree to a date. You're a lot less likely to land in situations like this if you do. You'll end up with better quality guys and more enjoyable dating experiences. Just because some guy shows interest, doesn't automatically mean you date him. Assess whether you think he's right for you first. In other words, what are your standards when it comes to potential dating partners? It shouldn't be anyone who will date me, regardless of how they treat me.
  
• Please don't take strangers home. You knew next to nothing about this guy!
  
• Finally, it's on you to set your boundaries. If a date and I have different ideas about what those should be, then we aren't compatible...on to the next!
  

 

At the end of the day, dating is about finding someone compatible who wants the same things you do. Someone who doesn't respect your boundaries or values isn't compatible with you.

[joseb]

And don't invite ANY guy to your place

 

A great guy will not pressure you.

 

Yeah look I can't disagree with any of the advice really, but I'll try to offer a slightly different perspective.

 

You invited him to your house. And you got into a heavy make-out session. As a guy, I would be thinking like he probably was... so long as I don't blow it, we will probably have sex.

 

Don't invite guys over in early stages of dating. It sends the wrong signal.

[gimlynick]

Yeah look I can't disagree with any of the advice really, but I'll try to offer a slightly different perspective.

 

You invited him to your house. And you got into a heavy make-out session. As a guy, I would be thinking like he probably was... so long as I don't blow it, we will probably have sex.

 

Don't invite guys over in early stages of dating. It sends the wrong signal.

 

I confirm.

Only take a guy into your house if you are ready for sex.

If a girl invites me in her place I'm expecting sex, it's like an unwritten fact that if you got invited in her house that it's time to take it one step further.

 

And sex on second date is not that bad. I mean yes, some guys only want sex. But don't you want sex?

It's such a stereotype that guys only want to get laid and girls want a relation... I mean, girls get super horny aswell so why shoul you resist this horniness if you feel comfortable with the guy?

[tinkerbell16]

I am newly divorced. I just started dating again. I posted an online dating profile and I have met several nice men.

 

HOweVEr, it seems all of them want sex asap.

 

I am a Catholic and I met a guy online 3 days ago. We met for drinks and kissed on the way out. Then we had lunch yesterday and kissed a bit more.

 

Today he came over to spend the day with me and as soon as i gave him a tour of my house (around noon) he started kissing me and then undressing me. I stopped him nicely and he said he was gonna have "blue balls"

 

I like the guy and we were supposed to have dinner tonight, but I chose not to.... I told him I had unexpected family issue. I felt like I would have been pressured to have sex.

 

Am I off base here? Is this normal? It was ALMOST a second date...and he had my shirt off and his hands down my pants.. I just felt it was too fast? Do I need to reevaluate?

 

Do not invite guys to your house until you know they understand your boundaries and will be respectful of them... and then only after a background check lol

[Buddhist]

If you're not comfortable with it, then yes it's too fast. Doesn't matter what's normal, average or whatever. If its not the speed you're happy with move on.

[TXGuy]

You do (or don't do) whatever you feel comfortable with.

 

That said, it was your third date and you invited him to your place. That sounds like the sex date to me.

 

That would be perfectly normal for many people.