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Dishonesty Early

WhirlwindGuy

By WhirlwindGuy
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WhirlwindGuy Established Member

WhirlwindGuy

Posted
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I was supposed to hang out with my date, girlfriend, whatever, tonight. She canceled on me this afternoon because her stomach hurt; cramps apparently.

 

All day she has been kind of distant and non responsive via text, or at least less than normal. I got the impression she may be out. Checked her dating profile for the first time in a few weeks and she has been active. Friend of mine lives a block away and said he noticed her car wasn't there tonight around 10 when he was going out.

 

Meanwhile all night she has been telling me she wasn't feeling good, was going to bed, watching tv, etc. just about an hour ago she tells me her stomach hurts, I said aw I'm sorry, should I come rub it? She says yes! I tell her I'm on my way and she quickly says don't be crazy she is going to sleep...then tells me I need to play hard to get...About 30 minutes ago she texts me that she is going to lay down to watch Netflix and go to sleep...all the while she is not even home.

 

We've only been dating a little less than a month. We haven't had any exclusivity talks. What should I do? Pretend I don't know she is lying to me and just back off and let her make some moves a while? Confront her about it? Ghost her and move on? I don't necessarily mind she is out, possibly dating, but the blatant lying is really bugging me.

 

Thoughts?

frus69 Established Member

frus69

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Only speaking for myself, I would call her out on it and end it. Because I don't accept multi-dating, also lying.

Dis Established Member

Dis

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Hmmm...if I'm remembering correctly from your other thread...you jumped in pretty quickly with this one right???

 

Maybe this is the beginning of the burn out....I hope for your sake its not.

 

You def are in between a rock and a hard place...but...you put yourself there by having your friend check up on her...

 

Def do not confront her....or she'll think your crazy. This is a tough one. You're going to have to let this one slide...forget she lied to you

 

Just keep your eye out for any other red flags....unfortunately I think they're may be more coming

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Dis Established Member

Dis

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..then tells me I need to play hard to get...

 

Also..you are suffocating her...pull wayyyyy back hun

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WhirlwindGuy Established Member

WhirlwindGuy

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She just text me a picture of her and her dog in bed. Her dog loves me and is laying where I normally lay when I stay over.

 

Maybe feeling guilty about her lie...trying to cover...

 

We're supposed to go out tomorrow during the day. We will see if she cancels again. I left my work badge at her place, so I have to get it either way.

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WhirlwindGuy Established Member

WhirlwindGuy

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Also..you are suffocating her...pull wayyyyy back hun

 

I plan on it; although I'm following her lead. I rarely invite myself, she invites me over.

 

I agree though, time to back it off and let her make some more effort.

Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
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She just text me a picture of her and her dog in bed. Her dog loves me and is laying where I normally lay when I stay over.

 

Maybe feeling guilty about her lie...trying to cover...

 

We're supposed to go out tomorrow during the day. We will see if she cancels again. I left my work badge at her place, so I have to get it either way.

 

Is it possible your friend couldve missed her car??? Maybe it is there and he/she just didnt see it. Sometimes during the beginning stages of dating we jump to the worst conclusions...

 

I've been dating my bf for a month and a half...I do it allll the time.

 

But you need to change your mindset hun...dont look for trouble in the honeymoon stage...stop worrying..let things flow. If it doesnt work out the world isnt going to end.

 

Im glad youre going to pull back alittle...but I will say...if you have to change your dating style to suit her (pulling back when you want to cling on) that doesnt bode well for the future..but who knows...maybe it will give her the breathing room she needs for awhile

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Could it be possible her car is in the shop?

 

Or someone is borrowing it?

 

If she is out on another date, would she really be sending you so many texts all night long?

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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She just text me a picture of her and her dog in bed. Her dog loves me and is laying where I normally lay when I stay over.

 

Maybe feeling guilty about her lie...trying to cover...

 

We're supposed to go out tomorrow during the day. We will see if she cancels again. I left my work badge at her place, so I have to get it either way.

 

Dude come on now, you don't know that she is lying, that is your insecurity talking.

 

How could she send you a pic of herself and her dog in bed if she is out?

 

This is one of those times when giving her the benefit of the doubt would serve you well.

 

Because there is certainly plenty of doubt.

 

If it becomes a pattern, then okay take action.

 

But cramps suck! I am down for the count when I have cramps.

Dis Established Member

Dis

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Dude come on now, you don't know that she is lying, that is your insecurity talking.

 

How could she send you a pic of herself and her dog in bed if she is out?

 

This is one of those times when giving her the benefit of the doubt would serve you well.

 

Because there is certainly plenty of doubt.

 

If it becomes a pattern, then okay take action.

 

But cramps suck! I am down for the count when I have cramps.

 

I hear you katiegrl...but I have a hard time giving people the benefit of the doubt sometimes....she couldve taken that pic prior to tonight....thats always a possibility. But I could be reaching there.

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WhirlwindGuy Established Member

WhirlwindGuy

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No, she got home from her date and took it.

 

I'm not sure what her agenda is really. She is online on OKC right now. Obviously she is still looking, I guess it's up to me to decide what that means.

 

I'm just not sure how I should play it. Confront her about it, or just back off myself.

TXGuy Established Member

TXGuy

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No, she got home from her date and took it. [exactly]

 

I'm not sure what her agenda is really. She is online on OKC right now. Obviously she is still looking, I guess it's up to me to decide what that means.

 

I'm just not sure how I should play it. Confront her about it, or just back off myself.

 

I don't think you should confront her about it. You guys have not had the exclusivity talk.

 

But you know she is dating other guys and likely lying to you about it. Either end the relationship or simply back off of the relationship emotionally (and make sure you wrap up every time with her).

sc0316 Established Member

sc0316

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No, she got home from her date and took it.

 

I'm not sure what her agenda is really. She is online on OKC right now. Obviously she is still looking, I guess it's up to me to decide what that means.

 

I'm just not sure how I should play it. Confront her about it, or just back off myself.

 

Are you in an exclusive relationship yet? You're acting like she is your gf.

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WhirlwindGuy Established Member

WhirlwindGuy

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Well she just phoned and invited me over. She said she was making breakfast and may have made me some if I want to come by.

 

It's raining, so our plans may be off, but she wants to hang out anyway.

 

I guess I'm going to try and just ignore last night, aside from the lie, she was doing nothing wrong. I guess the lie was because she was trying to protect my feelings most likely, which I've done before.

 

Hopefully I can drop it. I do intend to pull back some of my emotions though and tread very carefully. I like this girl, I think there is potential, but this isn't the greatest of signs.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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How many dates?

 

She can go out as much as she wants you are not exclusive and as long as you are not exclusive you have no business analyzing her presence online or the fact her car is there or not.

 

On a side note: If you know she has been unresponsive on text all day that's because you text her WAY TOO MUCH. Stop it! Let her wonder about you !

Edited by Gaeta
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joseb Established Member

joseb

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On a side note: If you know she has been unresponsive on text all day that's because you text her WAY TOO MUCH. Stop it!

 

My thoughts exactly!!!

Cinnamonstix Established Member

Cinnamonstix

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If you're pretty convinced she lied and you can't trust her anymore, move on. It might be her character to tell little white lies to avoid hurting others feelings. Can you handle that?

 

 

But now, for the more important part:

She is definitely hinting, not so subtly either, that you are way too available. I agree with the others and from reading previous posts - you need more mystery/intrigue. You sound like you love love - and it's great to be romantic. However, a woman wants to feel special and like you're crazy about her - not that you just drop everything and bend over backwards for every woman you're attracted to that you end up dating. If a woman thinks she is your top priority from the get-go, she is going to lose attraction to you very quickly because she didn't have to do anything to earn your affection - like dazzle you with her amazing personality over time and build a great connection.

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MaggieNilson Member

MaggieNilson

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Why are you staying she lied as if it's a fact she was out on a date? You dont know that at all. Your friend could have missed her car or maybe she ran to the store. She could be on OKC checking to see if you are still active which i assume you are simce you could see hers.

 

Stop calling this girl a liar when you have not caught her in a lie.

 

If you want to be exclusive just ask her. If she says no then at least you are informed. Otherwise this is just childish relationship sabotaging stuff.

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stillminds Member

stillminds

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Checked her dating profile for the first time in a few weeks and she has been active.

Thoughts?

 

This doesn't always mean she's "still looking." For example I go on there sometimes when my friend wants me to check someone out for him. Kind of like being an online dating wingman lol. Or she could just be checking your profile, which you can confirm by seeing if she viewed you recently.

 

But then if you go online to check hers, then she sees you online and might assume you're still looking haha. I know okcupid has a way to check a profile without logging in, go to a web browser incognito and put: http://www.okcupid.com/profile/[enter profile name here]

Tayla Established Member

Tayla

Posted
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Why are you staying she lied as if it's a fact she was out on a date? You dont know that at all. Your friend could have missed her car or maybe she ran to the store. She could be on OKC checking to see if you are still active which i assume you are simce you could see hers.

 

Stop calling this girl a liar when you have not caught her in a lie.

 

If you want to be exclusive just ask her. If she says no then at least you are informed. Otherwise this is just childish relationship sabotaging stuff.

 

Yup, Can't take back the words or thoughts if one is being negative about anothers "suspected" behavior.

 

I would drop the OP like a hot potatoe. Just the sheer fact that he is checking on her to find fault is a red flag alone.

 

OP- Start trusting yourself, that is where this stems from. You are projecting onto her for some weird reason. And tell her that you were "checking" up on her...She deserves to know how mistrustful you are of her.

 

I've had my friends borrow my car and I even had them use my phone. Boy oh boy How THAT can create mishaps.

 

I feel sorry for this lady. Apparently she isn't allowed to be sick

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WhirlwindGuy Established Member

WhirlwindGuy

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Why are you staying she lied as if it's a fact she was out on a date? You dont know that at all. Your friend could have missed her car or maybe she ran to the store. She could be on OKC checking to see if you are still active which i assume you are simce you could see hers.

 

Stop calling this girl a liar when you have not caught her in a lie.

 

If you want to be exclusive just ask her. If she says no then at least you are informed. Otherwise this is just childish relationship sabotaging stuff.

 

Very good points all around. I agree

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WhirlwindGuy Established Member

WhirlwindGuy

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Yup, Can't take back the words or thoughts if one is being negative about anothers "suspected" behavior.

 

I would drop the OP like a hot potatoe. Just the sheer fact that he is checking on her to find fault is a red flag alone.

 

OP- Start trusting yourself, that is where this stems from. You are projecting onto her for some weird reason. And tell her that you were "checking" up on her...She deserves to know how mistrustful you are of her.

 

I've had my friends borrow my car and I even had them use my phone. Boy oh boy How THAT can create mishaps.

 

I feel sorry for this lady. Apparently she isn't allowed to be sick

 

I didn't have anyone check on her; friend lives close and just mentioned it when we were talking about our plans for the night. It could easily be nothing.

 

Her and I spent a great day together yesterday and I spent the night last night. I've let it go, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. If she wants to be with me, she will, otherwise que sera sera....

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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