lovehurts05 Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Some of you have probably seen some of my previous post. But I need a guy's point of view or answer on this. Have you ever met someone in such a short time(lets say in 3 weeks after meeting) you thought this person was your soulmate, and fell in love with this person you decided to ask her to marry you, and she told you "yes"? If you were in this similiar situation, did this relationship work out for you? Also that this relationship was a long distance relationship. Let me know.
raj_aryan Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Hey girl, Listen to the voice of your heart! In true love time span doesnt matter. If we dont like someone we wont lik him till even 3 years and if we hav to like someone we can lik them in 3 minutes as well. So dont think too much and set your heart free. Love happens from heart not from brain...All the best!
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 Well, basically, I got dumped because of this reason, my boyfriend left me for someone he just met, and is now marrying her . He wanted to remain "just friends", but I ended my relationship with him completley, I have too much feelings for him.
westernxer Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 That guy's a fool. Three weeks is not enough time, period. And long distance relationships are a waste of time, in my opinion. Find someone closer to home, like within your own city.
lostinmymind Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 You can't get to know someone in that short of time. People change gradually as they get to know each other more and more and they let down guards and learn each others habits. Their relationship is probably doomed.
pietskiet Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Well, it happened to me, as a male. But..........we are no longer together after the "reality" phase set in. She broke it off. Yes, I think it is possible to fall completely for someone unique within a very short amount of time. Marrying the person, though, is something that needs time to fall into place. Like the other poster said, you find out more and more about the person over more time, and then it's a queston of whether or not you can put up with the things that you may not particulary like about the person.
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 Do you guys think I made the right decision by not being friends anymore after an 8 yr relationship? I mean it was hard for me to do, and it still is hurting me, I gets harder everyday, the fact that he is not going to be in my life anymore was based on my decision, not his, he wanted to stay friends, but I couldn't. Too many feelings involved to see him marry someone else. It breaks my heart . But I am going crazy not having him around. Did I do a selfish thing? Because I am not a selfish person, I have a good heart. Do you think this will be a wake up call for him? He did say "his life was not complete without me". We'll see...
westernxer Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 You've gotta do what you gotta do to maintain sanity... if being friends hurts you, then don't do it. Nothing wrong with being selfish in this situation... after all, you do have feelings for him and don't want anything less than exclusivity. Actually, selfish is a very strong word. Self-preservation is more like it.
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 I don't get how he would just want to stay friends with me, he knows how I feel about him, I am still in love with him, it is going to take a long time to get over that. I THOUGHT he was still in love with me, but he said he wasn't, that he loves me "UNCONDITIONALLY" . Should I still try to work things out with him? Or just let him go? I haven't had NC with him for 4 days!!!
westernxer Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Unconditional love is BS. There's always a string attached. He wants to stay friends to keep you in the bullpen, in case the other one falls through (of course he's not going to say this). I told an ex the same thing, that I wasn't going to be her friend. At the time I couldn't handle it because I liked her a lot. It shocked her, but I had to cover my own ass, because I was only going to hurt myself. It's tough, but you have to harden up a bit if you want to survive. Then you can let someone else break your shell.
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 Thanks Westernxer, I hope he gets a reality check before he gets married to this girl. I hope realizes that he lost a good girl to her.
westernxer Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Even if he doesn't realize it, you have to move on with your life. Make him sorry by getting over him...
amerikajin Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Westernexer's right. It's bulls*** - take it from someone who's been there (me). It can work, but the odds are really, really against you. And even so, 3 weeks is just not enough time to get to know someone. Pardon my asking, but would you say you've been successful in previous relationships before? Reason I ask is, if you tend not to be successful in previous relationships, then the against-the-odd relationships (i.e. long-distance or abused wife with 3 kids, etc...) become more attractive to you, when in fact, most people would steer clear of them. Are there exceptions? Yes, but they don't call them exceptios for nothin'.
FolderWife Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 My husband and I were in a semi-long distance relationship (we lived two hours apart, but we did see each other at least an hour every other day, because he delivered fritos to the area I live in) and we got married within two months of meeting for the first time. And we've been married almost three years. Although we have had some rough patches, I love him more than any other person on earth...so...
beejsea2 Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Lovehurts, I was with my ex for 4 1/2 years. I recently found out that he proposed to a woman that he knew for only three months and had not yet meet face to face. I was upset at first but now I'm like she can have him!! I know that it's hard but I PROMISE in time it will and does get better!
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 24, 2005 Author Posted June 24, 2005 I am trying to stick to NC with him, it has been 4 days so far and counting. Do you guys still think he will still attempt to contact me? Even though I told him I did not want to be friends anymore?
beejsea2 Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Does it matter?? It sounds like you want to use NC so he will contact you.
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 Well, thought I update everyone. I found out he is getting married already this coming weekend! I think he is rushing into all this way to quickly. I think he is making a big mistake. What do you guys think? Would you have rushed into something like this with someone you THOUGHT was your soulmate?
Jeannie Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 My ex had a relationship before me - he met this girl, 3 weeks later proposed and bought her an engagement ring - she moved into his house. She had bad credit - he co-signed for a new Camero for her. Six months later she took Camero, ring and split. What did he do? He dated me a month, started telling me he loved me, proposed, bought me a ring and started hounding me to get married and move in. He was desperate for a wife - had no clue that any relationship takes time. Did I stay with him? No. He's back in the bars searching for his next proposal victim. You can't establish any kind of relationship that fast. You don't really get to know anyone until at least a full year has passed. The first six months of dating someone you're seeing who they want you to see - the second six months you start seeing who they really are.
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 Jeannie, I totally agree with you. I knew this person for a lot of years, and did put up with all his moods, and habits, and all sorts of things he did. This guy is not a perfect guy, and she is bound to find out sooner or later. They don't even live together, I know this because she is does not live in the same state, hmmm. Also he is going overseas for about a yr later this summer. I am beginning to think he is also marrying her, not only because he thinks she is his SOULMATE, but maybe also for the money. I THINK when you are in the military, and you go overseas you get more money when you are married.
westernxer Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Do yourself a favor and get over him as soon as you can. The next guy you meet will appreciate it. I went out with a girl who never got over her ex, and she kept mentioning the things they did together, his habits and opinions, and how he cheated on his new fianceé after he'd cheated on her. Red alert. Let him screw up his life. Doesn't mean you have to screw up yours.
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 Westernxer thanks for your reply, and I am really really trying to get over him, 8 yrs having him in my life is not to easy to let go of there are too many memories we shared together. I am not ready to date any other guys either, I am still trying to mend a broken heart. It is obvious that it does not bother him that I let him go because he has someone else now, and that is what hurts me more. I am possibly looking into getting some counseling to help me get over this. I am not sure that is the right direction to go, any suggestions??
JohnH Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 in my opinion he is making a very big mistake i have been through a similar situation i met my ex on the internet in february and only a week or two later we where talking about marriage and we both where serious about it alas we are not together anymore it lasted around 4 months was also a ldr so that kind of doomed the relationship from the start we believed we where soulmates i still believe we are just not the way we originally thought its so easy to think you know someone in such a short time but little things start creeping out and things start going wrong i believe no contact is the best route in your case
Author lovehurts05 Posted June 27, 2005 Author Posted June 27, 2005 JohnH, I think he is making a big mistake too, he seems to think he isn't, he says she is THE ONE But I think him leaving to war in the next month, and her being in the military as well will put a strain on their marriage. I wish I could knock some sense into him, but I think right now he is in la la land, and there is no stopping from getting married. I personally think that he just wants a wife to come back to, if she is there for him when he gets back!! But all this has ended our relationship, all because he wants to marry someone before he leaves to war!!
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