ajp1999 Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Last week i broke up with my bf of 3 years. Reasons were basically he was a bit too chummy w/the mom of his kids and I wasn't comfortable with it. I felt last on his list of priorities.. Felt lonely in the relationship etc (no cheating or anything like that.) We couldn't agree on how our future was going to go..without going into to too much detail really as I'm just looking to get over this at this point. Anyway we are done and he was the love of my life. I have never felt with anyone the way I felt with him. I can't seem to move on. I can't even think about dating another guy let alone even get out of bed some days. I miss him so much and I miss his kids. My appetite is gone and I'm basically a flat out mess and a wreck. After the break up I broke down and asked him if we could try again and his response was no that I broke up with him and he can't have a GF that is going to break up with him. Which I do see his point and we have had the same issues since the beginning of the relationship. How do I move on with my life? How long will this take? I just can't go on like this. I'm going to see a counselor next week hoping that will help. I loved this man so much and I'm just heartbroken.
fixing Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 If you were treated 'last on the list' as you say and that you felt 'lonely' throughout the whole relationship then you have made the correct decision to break up with him. There is no set time on getting over someone you love. But, the sure way to speed up the process is to literally block all forms of contact with him both directly, and indirectly (3rd party info) You will of course find a better more suited person in your life. But, not right now... Of course you couldnt bare the thought of getting into a relationship with another man at this point because the rawness of the break up is with you. Its good you are going to a counselor, you are suffering from depression. Seek support from family and friends and stay 100% No contact. You will get through this and you WILL be fine. I promise. 1
juniorrocha Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 When you get out of a relationship, you can't see things clearly. The first days are gonna be really hard. The key is to work on yourself. Do anything you enjoy. Don't waste all your days laying down in bed like you are nothing. I know it's hard, but try to shake that feeling off (even if you're just pretending) and do something nice to yourself. Call a friend, go out to a club/bar, go out shopping, movies, whatever to keep you entertained. I broke up 11 days ago my 2 years relationship and even though I still think of her very much, right now I'm very happy that I'm working on my career and my body. It's hard, but you can do it! The time it will take for you to get over depends on how you're willing to work on the issue. If you spend your days in bed, talking to yourself, crying, etc, it will only make it harder - although you should allow yourself to griev for a few days.
Marc878 Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 You ended it for a reason. Cut all contact. It's hard but you'll get over it. Stay dark you'll proceed quicker 1
Author ajp1999 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 Thanks for the replies. All good advice. It has only been about five days and there has been some texting which some was his fault and other times mine. I guess it is better to have zero contact. I'm just so upset and he's the one I always wanted to talk to. But yes I had light reasons for leaving. And neither of us are wanting any type of reconciliation. I will try to get out and do something. It's just so hard. I just want to cry like all day. No more texting for sure. Is there anything u all do when u feel like texting your ex?
Author ajp1999 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 I broke up with my boyfriend of three years this week. Reasons being some blended family issues and feeling like I came last over his ex and her family. Also we had different views on marriage versus living together. We had been having a lot of text wars with a lot of fighting and I had just had enough so I texted him that this is over and we need to move on and I was going right back on a dating website etc. So a couple of days later I text him. I broke down and told him I still loved him and wanted him back. And of course he says no. We r done. He has a major issuewith my going on a dating site right after we broke up. I haven't talked to anyone on there. Buy I did put up a profile. At any rate we seem to be texting and doing more arguing. Who's to blame etc. He texted me this morning to ask me how I was doing and of course I was like really that is not your business anymore. And an argument proceeded. Ugh. Help. Its like I'm second guessing myself on the break up. And I don't think things will work out but I'm second guessing. Help. I'm so devastated. 1
Satu Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 You're achieving nothing by attacking each other. Either knock off the blame and shame, and get back together, or just go NC and move on. A little self-discipline needs to be applied. Take care.
Blanco Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Stop texting each other. You two didn't break up over trivial matters; you're just second-guessing yourself because this guy is what you've known for three years and it's dawning on you that life is going to feel crummy for a while because you're making a major life change. You got advice in the other thread to break off contact. You need to at least do that before you ask for more advice. 2
Author ajp1999 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 I ended up breaking no contact yesterday. I just miss and love him so much. He didn't respond to my text. When I broke it off with him I told him we were done and that I was going back on the dating websites and I did the next day. Not because I wanted to date it was because I was sad and mad. Now because I did that he will never trust me and it's truly over. I am just having such a hard time. I'm really depressed and the thought of dating anyone else makes me even more depressed. I'm just not getting over this well. Today will be day eight of no contact except for my screw up yesterday when I texted him. I'm still just a mess every day. I'm now second guessing the break up and feeling like I screwed everything up. I just can't take feeling this way and I don't know what to do or how to get over this. I'm still in love with this man and I feel like I always will be.
NIGHT1985 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 You need to delete his phone number/text/voice mails/pics and cut him out of your social media. It sounds cruel, but it really does help. I thought I could just text my ex and move on, but I couldn't. I eventually started begging her to take me back and she told me she was with someone else and that I need to move on. Please don't let yourself sink to the point I did. Cut all contact and let yourself heal
Author ajp1999 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 Thanks for the reply. I have blocked him and his family on social media. I'm just so devastated by this and I feel like I screwed up everything. Ugh!! Are u feeling better about your break up at this point ?? How long did it take u??
NIGHT1985 Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 It's still early for me, so I'm still dealing with a lot of pain. But I spend as much time with my dog and friends as I can. You just gotta keep yourself busy and eventually you'll think less and less of her and what she's doing
Author ajp1999 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Posted June 8, 2016 I am still desperately wanting to contact him and tell him I still love him. What is wrong with me. The good times were so good. But the bad times were bad. I feel like I'm still holding out hope. Help!!!
fixing Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 Do NOT contact him. It is very tough right now, but, believe me, if you send him a message, it will make you feel 100 times worse. You will get through this eventually.
Author ajp1999 Posted June 8, 2016 Author Posted June 8, 2016 Thank you fixing. Is it normal to second guess the break up. ??? I was the one who originally did the dumping. Now I'm like well I still love him. Maybe things were not that bad. Ugh. It's so hard
fixing Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 Yes of course. It is very tough being in your situation. Your heart will be pulling you towards certain emotions about him whilst your head (logically) will be telling you he always treated you like you were the last on his important list. Seriously, just stay nc. I know its tough, but you deserve better in life then to be treated 2nd best.
Author ajp1999 Posted June 25, 2016 Author Posted June 25, 2016 Updated ;; So we r still broken up. It's been officially a month with the last no contact period being the last seven days. So I joined a dating website to try to meet some new people. Guess what my now ex is on there too. He messages me on that site as I have him blocked via text. He wanted to know if I ever cheated on him. My response was no I never did. Then he says ok well I'm going to check out what's out there for now but u never know what could happen with us in the future. Then he says he still cares about me and hopes i would tell me if something bad ever happened to me or my daughter. And he would unblock me so that we could communicate if there is ever an emergency!!??? Wth? I told him I have friends and family for an emergency. Why would I contact him!? And I told him we are done for good. Why on earth does he want to communicate for emergencies. Good lord. Not sure what to make of this.
Author ajp1999 Posted June 28, 2016 Author Posted June 28, 2016 Why why do I want to contact him. I just miss him so much. I know I made the right decision by breaking it of with him but the only thing I want to do is be with him. When is this going to end????
54JA Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 It is a process. I can relate to your second guessing, but trust your original gut that propelled you to break up with him. Right now you are hurting because you've lost a major part of your life, and this pain casting a doubt on your decision to breakup. Life was supposed to get better without him, but instead, you are in pain. But trust me, the pain is worth it! Any little contact you have with him is just a temporary fix. It took me a very, very, long time to finally move on from what should have ended a long time ago. Looking back, breaking no contact just prolonged the process. Be patient and kind to yourself, but know what you need to do (implement and maintain NC!)
Author ajp1999 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 So at this point I just want to be left alone to move on. Well today he found me again on a dating website and that he just wanted to say he wants to part peacefully and that he wanted to tell me he valued our time together. He wanted to say that before he moves on to a new relationship. I was just like yeah don't contact me anymore but we did get into it a bit. I feel like he lied to me for three years. He has been contacting me on average ever ten days or so. It's like I start to feel better and then I hear from him. This is ridiculous. I'm not mad but I certainly don't want to be friendly with him. He lies and he treated me like crap. He told me what I think is stupid. Made me feel like nothing to him. Now he wants me to be friendly?? Heck no.
Author ajp1999 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 i just blocked him from that online dating site.... so now there is really no way for him to contact me .. maybe except for email.. hopefully he will just find someone new asap.. I just can't even stand him at this point. I don't like how he treated me.. I just want him to go away.. this sounds different than my prior post.. maybe I'm making progress!! I don't care if Im alone for the rest of my life.. i would rather be than be with him!
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