DatingLo Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 So I met a girl I really like online. We share many interests, she's intelligent and attractive. She fits almost exactly what I am looking for. Anyways, right now it's just back and forth messaging every day to 2 days. I'm scared of messing it up and saying the wrong thing lol. She told me she wants to talk online first more before giving her number out, which I respect but it's kind of weird. My question is how do I remain cool and not act too needy or desperate? After all, nothing has happened yet/we haven't even been on any dates so it could only hurt me to get invested.
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Just remember that people almost always fit what you're looking for at first ... until you get to know them . Enjoy the butterflies and excitement by all means but you know, at this stage, she's just a girl you're talking to. I know people work on different timelines but ideally, you should meet sooner rather than later, especially if there is no good reason for you not to meet (presuming you 'met' on an online dating site). 4
Middle Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 In my opinion, try to set up a date as quickly as possible (something very casual - a coffee or some drinks, maybe a lunch). The more you "get to know" someone online, the more likely it is that once you meet in real life, they won't be what you thought - setting both of you up for disappointment. In addition, online/text only interactions usually have a short lifespan before the woman becomes disinterested and moves on. 1
BlueIris Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Just remember that people almost always fit what you're looking for at first ... until you get to know them . Enjoy the butterflies and excitement by all means but you know, at this stage, she's just a girl you're talking to. I know people work on different timelines but ideally, you should meet sooner rather than later, especially if there is no good reason for you not to meet (presuming you 'met' on an online dating site). Yeah, keep reminding yourself that you don’t know her. You don’t know her! People sometimes fill in the gaps in their own minds and assume that someone is a whole bunch of things that they can’t know. Then they’re shocked that the person wasn’t the things that they assumed they were. The problem is the assumptions. Pull back on your internal reins. Be patient. Get to know her. 1
SwordofFlame Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 You remain cool and confident by continuing to talk to and date other women until you've gone on a few dates with this woman. 4
iphone_user1 Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Once I talked to a girl on the phone for 2 months and a half. She was a hell fun, but she had a very busy schedule. When we met, it didn't change that much since I was not expecting to find a beautiful woman, I was just expecting to have as much more fun than we already had on the phone joking and talking non sense **** LOL it was cool to meet her, even though it didn't end up in a relationship, every now and then we hang out and have a great time, she's really cool, seriously, but that's it.
Rationality Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 You remain cool and confident by continuing to talk to and date other women until you've gone on a few dates with this woman. Definatley. One of the biggest mistakes i have made with my latest dumper, was cutting off women ive been seeing. Never again.
CarrieT Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 She fits almost exactly what I am looking for. Bear in mind that you are projecting 80% of what you want/hope her to be and that eventually you WILL be disappointed by something about her. She is human and no one ever is EXACTLY what another wants. Scale back your expectations and - as others have said - try to meet her sooner rather than later. It will help you from becoming too enamored with your own personal high that you have created.
Author DatingLo Posted May 29, 2016 Author Posted May 29, 2016 (edited) Ok so I just want to go over 3 scenarios that happen for me online to further illustrate the situation. So I exchange a few messages with a girl online, then ask for her number. About 1/2 are happy to give it. About 1/2 stop responding and don't give their number. A very small number will say let's talk on the dating website more first. I feel like I suck at handling this particular situation (and it's what happened here). Because this goes against this idea of meeting sooner than later, it makes it wayy more difficult to deal with. (plus I hate the extreme flakiness of messages on these websites in general). Anyways I guess the key is what people are saying here. Find other women who spark my interest and don't get too caught up with this. Well sure I mean I don't know this girls' flaws at all so maybe she isn't the right one. But I have "fringe" interests in music and TV that she shares with me, but ya I guess this doesn't necessarily translate into her being the right one for me lol. Edited May 29, 2016 by DatingLo 1
d0nnivain Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 At this point before you met, you are falling for the person you think she is / the person you want her to be. You have absolutely no idea who she actually is. Your new mantra: It's not real until we meet. 2
BaileyB Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Have you ever been speed dating... There can be someone there who you find so attractive and you are so interested to meet, until they start to talk with you and you realize that they are the most boring, miserable, self-involved, dysfunctional, etc... person in the room... While, someone you may not find attractive at all may turn out to be the nicest, most interesting person you talk with all night. You just can't know someone until you meet and talk in person. Even then, the "dating discovery" phase is long because it takes time to know someone - all the good and bad. It is really easy to romanticize someone, or to romanticize a relationship... Especially in the early stages. You haven't even met this person yet, so you should be excited to meet her but continuing along with your life because the truth is, you should not actually be invested in her at this point at all. It's not real, until you meet. And even then...
joseb Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 I really don't understand at all all this falling for people you see online. It's nothing, absolutely nothing until you meet them. For all you know they are married having a bit of entertainment. So look at it as just a list of possibilities of people to meet. I'd they don't want to meet, then move on. But stop projecting things about them and imagining that you have some kind of connection unless you have met. You didn't meet a girl you really like online. You found a profile that's interesting enough that you want to meet the person behind it.
Jiggs Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 You should definitely try to meet this girl sooner rather than later. After all, you won't really know if the two of you have real chemistry until you talk to each other on the phone and in person. Tell her you want to get to know her better and politely ask for her phone number without being needy. If she still refuses, then you'll know she's not very serious about taking things any further and you can move on.
sc0316 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Ok so I just want to go over 3 scenarios that happen for me online to further illustrate the situation. So I exchange a few messages with a girl online, then ask for her number. About 1/2 are happy to give it. About 1/2 stop responding and don't give their number. A very small number will say let's talk on the dating website more first. I feel like I suck at handling this particular situation (and it's what happened here). Because this goes against this idea of meeting sooner than later, it makes it wayy more difficult to deal with. (plus I hate the extreme flakiness of messages on these websites in general). Anyways I guess the key is what people are saying here. Find other women who spark my interest and don't get too caught up with this. Well sure I mean I don't know this girls' flaws at all so maybe she isn't the right one. But I have "fringe" interests in music and TV that she shares with me, but ya I guess this doesn't necessarily translate into her being the right one for me lol. Personally, I find this getting her number step unnecessary. You might as well ask her to meet. Although you might creep out many girls without at least 2-3 rounds of real messages (not the "hi, you look pretty" type of greetings), others may lose interest if you haven't asked them out after 5-6 rounds of messages.
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