tinkerbell16 Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Sooo what is this about? I realized the last 3 dates I have been on the men at random times pick me up. One was while walking around a lake mid conversation he stepped in front, picks me up and twirled me around and placed me back in my walking position. One was while dancing he scoops me up and holds me up (Notebook style lol), one was when he dropped me back at my house, he opened the door for me, I stepped out, he scooped me up and carried me to my door. I am kinda new to dating, just curious if this is a thing. I mean I don't want to get dropped on my head lol Wtf?
BikerAccnt Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Are these men you've just had a few dates with? If so, that's kind of rude imo. i mean, I picked up my ex-gf, she was a tiny woman, but certainly not until we'd been dating a number of months. If you've been dating a while, and your comfortable with it, I can understand it. Though, when I picked her up it was usually part of a big hug. I don't ever recall picking her up, twirling her around, or trying to carry her. Thats just...weird. Especially early on. 2
preraph Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 I am guessing you are a small woman and they are just trying to show off that they are strong. I'm 5'7" and no man has just randomly tried to pick me up. 3
Emilia Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Only some of my mates used to years ago when we messed around. In dating only guys I was in serious relationship with but that was when we were ALL younger
Vado Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Maybe they read about PUA's, stands for Pick Up Artists and thougt, that's the magic seduce key; I have to pick up the girl!
mikeylo Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 That's ridiculous! Well , guys do try to impress their physical strength in the sense that they can protect you but this off! If all guys are doing the same then either they are exchanging notes , lol or you are giving off vibes ( or actual words ). Not a normal behavior though.
lana-banana Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 As someone who's 5'1" and 110 pounds I feel your pain. Men seem to see it as a way of demonstrating strength and masculinity, but I find it demeaning and obnoxious as hell. Whether it's a date, a lover, or a total stranger, touching should be something both parties agree upon and are comfortable with. When you grab somebody and whirl them around like a helpless project you deny them the agency to say "hey, no, I don't really like being grabbed by strangers". 3
katiegrl Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 As someone who's 5'1" and 110 pounds I feel your pain. Men seem to see it as a way of demonstrating strength and masculinity, but I find it demeaning and obnoxious as hell. Whether it's a date, a lover, or a total stranger, touching should be something both parties agree upon and are comfortable with. When you grab somebody and whirl them around like a helpless project you deny them the agency to say "hey, no, I don't really like being grabbed by strangers". This ^^ but it could also mean (in conjunction with that) that they like you, are attracted to you, their adrenaline is pumping, they are excited and want to have sex with you. Hoping to turn you on so you will want to have sex too... I mean I highly doubt they would be doing this if they were not so attracted to you..... I also think if the chemistry was soaring and you were clicking and connecting, you would probably love it.... JMO on that last sentence though. 2
elaine567 Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Sooo what is this about? I realized the last 3 dates I have been on the men at random times pick me up. Wtf? I am guessing by your avatar, and your post that you are a petite girl, I doubt that would be happening very frequently if you were 6' 2" or 12 stone in weight.
Author tinkerbell16 Posted May 29, 2016 Author Posted May 29, 2016 I am guessing by your avatar, and your post that you are a petite girl, I doubt that would be happening very frequently if you were 6' 2" or 12 stone in weight. I didn't realize I had an avatar lol. I don't remember picking one. Answering a few questions: These were all first dates. I am 5'3" 109lbs so I supposed considered petite. I am new to dating and it struck me odd that it keeps happening. Something about me I guess compels them to pick me up. Glad I am hearing "it's rude" from you all. It's exactly why I asked. I didn't know if it was normal based on how frequently it was occurring. I was starting to wonder if I was in some kind of guess my weight circus game lol If any of you guys have done this what was the thought behind it? Was there thought behind it? Or was it primal Lol Is it the equivalent to a girl tossing her hair about... to show she is feminine and attracted to you?
Larryville Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 TB16 If dudes are doing this, it is because they are mentally ill or have issues with basic human boundaries. I just find it kind of odd that people want to find "logical" reasons why this would be in some way appropriate. If you are in a relationship with someone cool, but dudes who would just do this out of the blue in a dating phase does not respect your boundaries. If a dude just slapped your @$$ or licked your face would that be cool? No. If any of you guys have done this what was the thought behind it? Was there thought behind it? I actually sat and thought some time about this and I have never even entertained the thought. There are way too many freaking weirdos out there and we should not be making excuses for basic inappropriate behavior. 2
Marc878 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 I suspect this is all your fault. It's what happens when you're irrestible. If you wear no make up, don't do your hair and wear baggy unattractive clothing it may stop. But why would you do that?
bubbaganoosh Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 I have a friend whose 6'5'' and weighs 260 married to a little lady whose 4'10' and 90 pounds and if he has to kiss her he just reaches down, pick her up and brings her to eye level with him and kisses her. She doesn't seem to mind.
Dis Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 My ex did this the first time we hung out...he was a huge guy...6'4...280lbs of muscle (roid head) Besides my boobs and butt, I'm tiny...5'1...so I guess its something about smaller women that make guys feel the need to do this I actually thought it was really romantic when my ex picked me up...but it was at the end of the night when he was giving me a hug goodbye and our friends were around...so different scenario I dont know...I think in the right setting...in the right time...this can be sweet. Others times...very strange/awkward
Author tinkerbell16 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 TB16 If dudes are doing this, it is because they are mentally ill or have issues with basic human boundaries. I just find it kind of odd that people want to find "logical" reasons why this would be in some way appropriate. If you are in a relationship with someone cool, but dudes who would just do this out of the blue in a dating phase does not respect your boundaries. If a dude just slapped your @$$ or licked your face would that be cool? No. I actually sat and thought some time about this and I have never even entertained the thought. There are way too many freaking weirdos out there and we should not be making excuses for basic inappropriate behavior. Two of these guys got no second date and one did but I ended it for... wait for it...boundary issues. Nailed it Larryville 1
gimlynick Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 It's something men do for getting 'closer' and show of strength. I even did it with my ex ( 5ft8 ) on our first date. When girls are not too big, I allways do it. It's not to harm you or something like that. It's just an automatic thing that feels great!
Author tinkerbell16 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 I'm guessing it is just a lack of impulse control on the guys' part. Something about a petite girl makes some guys just kinda want to pick you up, so I get it. It's their physical attraction for you getting them better of them. I wouldn't exactly call picking up a 109 lb girl as a feat of strength. If these guys are hoping to show off by picking up such a tiny girl, then they set the bar pretty low for themselves. I did once have a date dare me to pick her up over my head, because she thought I couldn't do it, but she was closer to 155. I tossed her in the air like a baby Moving forward: Spontanious "pick ups" on first date = lack of impulse contol = red flag = next 4
Author tinkerbell16 Posted May 30, 2016 Author Posted May 30, 2016 My ex did this the first time we hung out...he was a huge guy...6'4...280lbs of muscle (roid head) Besides my boobs and butt, I'm tiny...5'1...so I guess its something about smaller women that make guys feel the need to do this I actually thought it was really romantic when my ex picked me up...but it was at the end of the night when he was giving me a hug goodbye and our friends were around...so different scenario I dont know...I think in the right setting...in the right time...this can be sweet. Others times...very strange/awkward Interesting. Is he your ex now because he lacked self control/boundary issues? Seems to be the overall consensus these "pick up" artists may have issues with both. In retrospect the one I actually dated I did eventually break it off due to boundary issues. Maybe if I had realized this wasn't romantic but rude I wouldn't have wasted that time and energy...
Dis Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Interesting. Is he your ex now because he lacked self control/boundary issues? Seems to be the overall consensus these "pick up" artists may have issues with both. In retrospect the one I actually dated I did eventually break it off due to boundary issues. Maybe if I had realized this wasn't romantic but rude I wouldn't have wasted that time and energy... Haha I broke up with my ex because he was a liar and probably a cheater...all around messed up guy...nothing to do with the pick up But I dont think every guy that does this has issues with boundaries as long as its done under the right circumstances....with the right girl Maybe you're just not comfortable with this kind of show of affection...and that is your prerogative. If it doesnt feel right for you..move onto the next. Lets hope your future dates dont continue to do this...as this seems to be a strange pattern
Author tinkerbell16 Posted May 31, 2016 Author Posted May 31, 2016 Haha I broke up with my ex because he was a liar and probably a cheater...all around messed up guy...nothing to do with the pick up But I dont think every guy that does this has issues with boundaries as long as its done under the right circumstances....with the right girl Maybe you're just not comfortable with this kind of show of affection...and that is your prerogative. If it doesnt feel right for you..move onto the next. Lets hope your future dates dont continue to do this...as this seems to be a strange pattern Lol I just wish they actually were a good fit to keep around so I wouldn't have to walk anywhere lol 1
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