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Posted

Me M27, She F23, him mid to late 20's

 

 

 

Ill try not to bore you with too many details. i met this girl through a mutual friend. We got on so well, alot in common, very intimate and alot of chemistry. We were only together a month but i really fell for her. I was so happy to have met someone like her.

 

 

She left me very very suddenly with the whole 'we need to talk' 'ive got alot going on on my head' crap. I knew it was all lies but I handled the break up well and dignified but was honest with her, told that I was gutted about it but wished her all the best.

 

 

Turns out she got back with her ex, a guy who she dumped 4 months previously for cheating. He heard she was moving on and obviously won her back.

 

 

I dont think she was using me. I was perhaps a rebound, she obviously wasnt into me as much as i was her, however i have no doubts there was some genuine attraction and feelings from her towards me.

 

 

Ive been doing all the right things, keeping busy, working out more, no contact. However im angry, angry that those two can break up, get me involved, then get back together and be happy again whilst im the one down in the dumps. It seems so unfair. He cheated, she left me for him, im the innocent one with genuine intentions and yet im the one that got hurt.

Posted

Ive been doing all the right things, keeping busy, working out more, no contact. However im angry, angry that those two can break up, get me involved, then get back together and be happy again whilst im the one down in the dumps. It seems so unfair. He cheated, she left me for him, im the innocent one with genuine intentions and yet im the one that got hurt.

 

Lesson to be learned. Stay away from people who are or were involved in messy situations with exes, too many raw emotions still flying around and YOU in the middle are the one that often gets hurt.

Him cheating on her, left her no doubt devastated, moving on with you, happened far too soon and even if she hadn't got back with him, she would no doubt have most likely split up with you anyway.

YOU were just the first guy she grabbed onto when she was feeling down, as you say you were the rebound.

It was therefore unlikely she would have stuck around.

I am sorry you got hurt.

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Posted
Lesson to be learned. Stay away from people who are or were involved in messy situations with exes, too many raw emotions still flying around and YOU in the middle are the one that often gets hurt.

Him cheating on her, left her no doubt devastated, moving on with you, happened far too soon and even if she hadn't got back with him, she would no doubt have most likely split up with you anyway.

YOU were just the first guy she grabbed onto when she was feeling down, as you say you were the rebound.

It was therefore unlikely she would have stuck around.

I am sorry you got hurt.

 

Even at 4 months on from dumping him? Is that still a rebound? She showed no major red flags, only mentioned him once in the month we were together, she seemed pretty happy and not caught up with him. I guess she hid it well. Why did he wait until she got a new bf to make a move again?

Posted

Sorry to hear trevjim! I can understand that you feel angry about the whole story ending up so unfair for you.

 

Maybe you can appreciate for a moment that you are courageous in a way. Opening up to another person, trusting, sharing your feelings... and everything you experienced will give you a better and clear idea of what is important for you in a relationship.

The feeling of anger about your situation - what do you think is it good for?

 

Do your experiences from earlier relationships have an effect on how you see this situation?

 

Wishing you a good day with new inspirations, Iris

Posted
Even at 4 months on from dumping him? Is that still a rebound? She showed no major red flags, only mentioned him once in the month we were together, she seemed pretty happy and not caught up with him. I guess she hid it well. Why did he wait until she got a new bf to make a move again?

She was obviously still invested in him and that is why it is a rebound. Four months is not a long time to get over someone cheating on you in a LTR. She was essentially the dumpee, she dumped him due to his actions, not because she just wanted to break up with him, a forced dumping, so 4 months is no time at all.

Sometimes all it takes is for there to be another guy on the scene for some men to realize she was the love of his life after all...

Posted

Don't worry, they're not going to last too much longer. And yes, you were a rebound. I'd guess that in a while they will break up again due trust issues and eventually she might try to get you back. So stay strong, NC, move on with your life and don't ever accept her back. You'll only get hurt even more.

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Posted

Thank you everyone for the replys, its sometimes nice just to hear other people reinforce your own beliefs about the break up : )

 

Iris ^ thank you for your kind words. Yes a previous relationship did have an effect in a sense. It was a very hard break up, and since then ive done alot of growing and alot of dating trying to find someone compatable. This girl was the first one ive really developed feeling for in over 3 years, so there was a sense of 'finally ive found soomeone' only for her to leave me, which perhaps added a new dimension to it for me

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