"Break-Up Gurus": Are They Really Worth It? Share your thoughts.

May 28, 2016

Hey ladies and gents,

There are many different websites where so-called (or self-proclaimed) “breakup gurus / coaches” rave 24/7 about how amazing their methods ‘to win ex back for sure’ really are.

I’m talking about Mike Fiore, Brad Browning, Chris Seiter, TW Jackson, etc. You can google them up if you don’t know about them already.

Obviously, they’re embellishing their websites with marketing bells-and-whistles, putting up lots of positive testimonials and success stories (while sweeping their screw-ups under the carpet, like they didn't ever exist)...

But still, a mere fact that they're obviously selling something and apparently exaggerating its value, doesn't mean they're all full of BS and have nothing of real value to offer.

Some of them might actually be worth of attention...

Care to share your thoughts? Any reviews on these products / guides / memberships, if you got them? Any success / failure?

Maybe you hired one of them on the spot to coach or counsel you over the phone / Skype / email? Any feedback, then?

Come on, spill your guts people

May 28, 2016

I can't imagine anything persuading me to return to an ex who I no longer wanted to be with.

May 29, 2016

These types of things are usually dreck bc they're based on the premise of misrepresenting yourself so as to trick your ex into thinking they don't actually feel the way they do about you. (In other words, because LIE.) Best possible outcome that can come from that is one where you live a lie, and the most likely one is where your house of cards comes crashing down before long and you're worse off than you were when you started.

They sell bc desperate ppl will do anything in the hopes of finding a solution.

May 29, 2016

I think they all more or less offer the same advice: pretend you don't care the relationship is over, go into No Contact for XX days, be smiley and positive if your ex reaches out but not overly available, arrange a casual meet-up, continue to pretend you don't care much. Maybe you will reconcile.

I don't believe any of them offer something unique; you can read the same advice everywhere online. Most of them just repeat the same general principles.

While some of it is not totally off-base (eg. getting busy and getting on with your life) it won't make any difference if one person is truly done.

May 29, 2016

I'd never heard of these people. After a preliminary look, I see little difference between them and ladies who offer to cast spells to get your ex back. Either way probably has a similar chance of working.

May 29, 2016

When my ex first broke up with me, I admit I did read the free literature from these experts, it was the only thing that kept me occupied at night.

A lot of it is manipulative and I had to stop myself from relaying those kinds of messages they 'advised' in the beginning.

I knew that if my ex saw me posting about how happy I was, posting pics of me posting selfies while water skiing and posing with attractive males he would either think I was mental or know I was trying to paint a picture that I was OK- just for him.

I am sure some of the advice is valuable- but the valuable parts are the parts you will find on here for free- No Contact or distancing yourself from your ex.

I don't care if my Ex thinks I'm down, my feelings are now of no importance to him.

Edited May 29, 2016 by RocketQueen
typo

May 29, 2016

i think their just giving advice on things you can do [ if you hadn't done already] just basic stuff to get you in good graces with your ex MAYBE those methods worked for them and others . i don't think theirs a science on magic words you can say to an ex to have them reconsider their actions .if they truly don't want to be with you , they wont be .IF something happens to them [ like their dating again ] and it goes sour MAYBE the ex will go back to where they were comfortable at one point and willing to make it work .

only real tangible thing is TIME [ possibly even a change of heart ]

May 29, 2016

It's a 'one size fits all' scenario. Everyone's lives and relationships are different. Everyone's hearts and minds are different, too, as is their love.

Anyway, to be a 'breakup guru', one would have to have had many breakups to fully understand the process. And if a guy who got dumped all the time is offering '100% successful advice' online... ;) ;)

May 29, 2016

The advice they give on those sites is simply ridiculous. Leaving aside the fact that they remind you to buy their amazing book every two sentences, working on the premise that every dumper reacts in the same way to your ghosting them it's absurd. I've ignored my ex-girlfriend completely and guess what: she's never tried to have me back and she never will. I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a damn. The previous one didn't try either and she's been pining after me for two years. But she never contacted me until we bumped into each other a few months ago.

They apply the formula: ignore for 30/60 days + take that time to become an incredible version of yourself + contact the dumper and show how cool you are now = guaranteed success.

Plain utter bull****.

May 29, 2016

It all depends on whether the person wants to be with you, if they love you enough, in the end. All different. I've ghosted a short term girlfriend and they've ghosted me back, for good. I've ghosted an ex and they just kept on contacting me but I kept it ghosted until we became friends then fizzled out. I've ghosted an ex and she contacted me and I reached out and got her back.

There are three different scenarios to kick off with. I didn't really care about the first one, I loved the second one but the R was unhealthy, and I wanted the third back. And online gurus never told me to ghost. If you want someone and they want you, it'll happen, regardless of what these online guys say.

May 29, 2016

I probably misunderstood the meaning of "ghosting" (not a native English speaker, as you may have noticed). More like "ignoring" the dumper, then.

May 29, 2016

To be honest, keiji, I don't know myself! I just assumed it meant ignoring/no contact, I could be wrong, so many terminologies on here!

When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

May 30, 2016

Ok folks, thanks for the feedback. Let me comment on some of your posts.

I can't imagine anything persuading me to return to an ex who I no longer wanted to be with.

Well, obviously you don't belong to their 'target audience' then. They're after those dumpees /dumpers who're desperate and eager to get their ex back.

These types of things are usually dreck bc they're based on the premise of misrepresenting yourself so as to trick your ex into thinking they don't actually feel the way they do about you. (In other words, because LIE.)

Yes, many / most of these gurus lie on their websites. And promote lies, too. Sadly.

But not all of them are made equal, methinks. Especially those of them who don't ''guarantee to get ex back'', but rather concentrate on dealing with break-up pain and making it go away, asap. There are such gurus out there, too.

They sell bc desperate ppl will do anything in the hopes of finding a solution.

Certainly.

I think they all more or less offer the same advice: pretend you don't care the relationship is over, go into No Contact for XX days, be smiley and positive if your ex reaches out but not overly available, arrange a casual meet-up, continue to pretend you don't care much. Maybe you will reconcile.

I don't believe any of them offer something unique; you can read the same advice everywhere online. Most of them just repeat the same general principles.

While some of it is not totally off-base (eg. getting busy and getting on with your life) it won't make any difference if one person is truly done.

For the most part, I agree.

I'd never heard of these people. After a preliminary look, I see little difference between them and ladies who offer to cast spells to get your ex back. Either way probably has a similar chance of working.

Not sure. I'm much more into psychology and relationships than into magic spells, y' know. Quite honestly, I'm not into magic spells at all

A lot of it is manipulative and I had to stop myself from relaying those kinds of messages they 'advised' in the beginning.

I knew that if my ex saw me posting about how happy I was, posting pics of me posting selfies while water skiing and posing with attractive males he would either think I was mental or know I was trying to paint a picture that I was OK- just for him.

'

Oh yeah, if you act unnatural they'll surely notice, most of the time.

i don't think theirs a science on magic words you can say to an ex to have them reconsider their actions .if they truly don't want to be with you , they wont be

No magic words, certainly. No guarantees, either.

However, if you use wrong words, act the wrong way and draw wrong conclusions, you can screw things up even if they weren't that bad, in the first place.

Tricks and tactics are useless without strategy, but tactics can and do matter, when the strategy is right. If you screw up tactics (words, behaviour, reactions), your strategic situation can and will get screwed up too.

I can explain myself more if you want.

It's a 'one size fits all' scenario. Everyone's lives and relationships are different. Everyone's hearts and minds are different, too, as is their love.

Everyone's not the same, but everyone's not that different, if you ask me. We all have emotions, pleasure and pain, ups and downs etc.

Love and hatred are universal, too. It's just individual shades of those feelings that are different, not the feelings themselves. Individual differences don't negate the common laws that govern our hearts and minds. And bodies.

The same goes for relationships and - quite obviously - breakups. Most of them fall into one of several broad categories (e.g. 'mutual breakup', 'one-sided breakup', 'short-term emotional break-up' etc).

Similar categories can be handled using more or less similar set of tools (by 'set of tools' I mean mental exercises, analysis, emotional therapy etc). Depending on the person, of course. Individual details are important.

So I can't quite agree with you on this matter.

Yes, we are all unique, but... On the other hand, we're all the same (i.e. we all obey the same universal physiological and psychological laws/principles, whether we like it or not).

The advice they give on those sites is simply ridiculous. Leaving aside the fact that they remind you to buy their amazing book every two sentences, working on the premise that every dumper reacts in the same way to your ghosting them it's absurd. I've ignored my ex-girlfriend completely and guess what: she's never tried to have me back and she never will. I'm pretty sure she doesn't give a damn. The previous one didn't try either and she's been pining after me for two years. But she never contacted me until we bumped into each other a few months ago.

It all depends on whether the person wants to be with you, if they love you enough, in the end. All different. I've ghosted a short term girlfriend and they've ghosted me back, for good. I've ghosted an ex and they just kept on contacting me but I kept it ghosted until we became friends then fizzled out. I've ghosted an ex and she contacted me and I reached out and got her back.

Yeah, yeah. Different categories, of course.

I don't know myself!

To better understand yourself, look first for wisdom, not for wealth

Edited May 30, 2016 by Caster5

May 30, 2016

Well, obviously you don't belong to their 'target audience' then. They're after those dumpees /dumpers who're desperate and eager to get their ex back.

I don't think that was the point. The point she is making is that, if HER ex belonged to the target audience and wanted her back, she is saying that nothing these "gurus" could teach her ex to do/say would change her mind in taking that person back.

May 30, 2016

I don't think that was the point. The point she is making is that, if HER ex belonged to the target audience and wanted her back, she is saying that nothing these "gurus" could teach her ex to do/say would change her mind in taking that person back.

Yeah, guess you're right.

Given, she's truly sure about her lack of feelings / wants towards her ex (many times people aren't really sure and basically try to convince themselves and everyone around of some imaginary picture, bc they're stuck in negative & confused mental / emotional state)...

So, if she really doesn't care anymore, then yes, nothing or almost nothing could possibly make her come back. 'GetExBack gurus' would most certainly be powerless and bite the dust here, with all their tricks and tactics.

Not all situations are like this, though.

May 30, 2016

Not gonna lie, I fell into the "Get You Ex Back" trap that exists on the internet. I purchased one of those e-books for about $40 or so online.

Everything that's in those books, can be found for free online. There is absolutely nothing new, groundbreaking, or unique to these programs. It's the same sh*t different person, just worded a bit differently from book to book.

It's all based on the same premises.

1. Go no contact for a period of time. Usually anywhere from 30-60 days.

2. Slowly initiate contact after that period of time using "key words" and "hooks" designed to get the ex curious, and wanting to respond back.

3. Implement emotional responses to target their previous feelings for you.

Blah blah blah. It's all BS.

If an ex wants you back, they will want you back whether you do these steps or if you just said, "Hey motherf*cker, come back to me."

I did all the steps correctly. I was convinced since I had done everything "right" from breakup, to no contact, to initiation of contact, that it HAD to work.

Spoiler alert: It didn't.

He didn't want to get back with me after we broke up. He didn't want to get back with me 30 days after that. These nonsense tips made zero difference to him, and didn't affect him in any way, shape, or form.

The only way you're ever going to get back with an ex, is if they want to come back to you. That's it. It doesn't matter what you do, don't do, say, don't say, text, don't text.

May 31, 2016

about how amazing their methods ‘to win ex back for sure’ really are.

doesn't mean they're all full of BS and have nothing of real value to offer.

Some of them might actually be worth of attention...

Care to share your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts, take them at face value, that is how they are offered.

- I've never broken up with anyone that I wanted to have back in my life. I just don't pull the pin on any relationship until I am 100% certain that this is a person I do not want in my life in any way, shape or form.

- I've never been broken up with, so likewise have never experienced a desire to get back together with an ex.

- If I've gotten to the point of a break-up it's because I have already exhausted all avenues of reconciliation. And they have failed and this is how I know, beyond all doubt that the relationship ending is the best thing for us both.

- I do not maintain friendships or contact with any ex of mine. Our relationship was experienced to the fullest extent possible between us. There is nothing more to do, say or be to each other. Fly free and be happy is usually my sentiment when I let go of someone.

- Reconciling with an ex, from my POV, is for people who recklessly broke up before they had tried to patch things up or resolve issues. It's a product of someone having an impulsive knee-jerk reaction and acting that out in the relationships and then regretting their actions. I'm not generally in the habit of doing that in relationships at least.

- Desperately trying to win back an ex is an act of desperation. If someone leaves you, let them go. They clearly do not value what you have to offer at that point. Dragging them back into a drama filled relationship with you might seem like vindication but they will eventually leave again. It's free will.

IMO those sites are for desperate and needy people who feel as if when someone leaves their life they take their soul with them. They cling to that idea like it's one of the few life rafts on the Titanic. It's not a secure place to be. Just because some people make money off that sense of desperation, doesn't mean it has value either.

Edited May 31, 2016 by Buddhist

May 31, 2016

I think they are intellectually dishonest and advocate attempting to manipulate the dumper. They are a step-by-step logical process of solving a problem that was causing by a change of feelings, which rarely are illogical. That's a big problem right off the bat. They don't address the actual issues of the broken relationship and don't encourage the client to improve themselves -- instead, they are "get rich quick" schemes sold in a Persian bazaar-esque manner that, at best, are similar to putting lipstick on a pig. Even if you did have success with the parlor tricks, it's fleeting and temporary because nothing has changed. Eventually the dumper realizes this and you're back to where you were, if not further behind.

May 31, 2016

Buddhist:

Good point. I pretty much share the same views on relationships and breakups.

I would argue a couple of your points, but currently I'm not in the mood to argue.

So... It's OK

Edited May 31, 2016 by Caster5

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