PerryK Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 It's getting really hard to cope now, having someone I spoke to every single day, from wake up to falling asleep, texting, phone calls or meeting up 24/7. I've never been so in love with anyone in my life, it felt like I had met my perfect match. After plenty of failed relationships in the past and breakups that didn't affect me at all, I never dated anyone that I wanted to be with, I only dated because I felt bad saying no to them wanting me. This was the first girl I've ever come across in my life that I wanted and fell head over heels for. People tell me "get yourself back out there" etc but I don't want to, there is nobody that comes close to this girl. I find myself looking at my phone 24/7 hoping that she has text me or sent a Snapchat etc but I get nothing at all. I haven't slept properly at all since the breakup a few weeks ago. I dream every single night about me and her and then wake up at 3/4am and unable to sleep after because I now have her in my head and that is really affecting my health. I really don't know what I am meant to do. I'm not going to talk to her and reach out because her way of coping is to convince herself that I was awful and block out any good memories (when I left her she told me that me leaving her had ruined any good memories of us). I want her, I don't want anyone else, I can't sleep, I have no motivation for anything anymore, my life feels really empty. I really don't know what to do now.. 1
Satu Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 You are in the earliest stage of the grieving process. It's a painful place to be, but it's not forever. Bear these questions in mind: Are you eating enough, and eating healthily? Are you drinking enough water? Are you exercising? Are you getting enough rest? If you are on any prescription medications, are you taking them as prescribed? Are you spending time with other people, family and friends? Are you getting out of the house enough? Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol? Are you keeping up with your responsibilities? If you take proper care of yourself, you'll come out of this sooner than you think. If you don't take proper care of yourself, it will be rough as hell, and take a long time. Take care. 3
Author PerryK Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 Why did you guys break up? One thing I never tolerate in a girl is drug use, she had a past habit nothing addictive but her friends were into it. I made it clear that one time and that's it for us and she made it clear she hated it and would never do it. She moved in with her addict friend which we argued about because of her being so close to drugs so easy to take them and she promised shed never do it. First night out they had and her friend started telling her she was really boring and there was no point moving down to live with her if she wasn't goingto do stuff so she took them. First time she's offered and she says yes despite knowing what it'd do to us and my feelings towards it. She started asking me for forgiveness and I said I need time to get past this. A few days later I started missing her so reached out and she said it was to late because I didn't forgive her straight away and the fact I can make this much fuss over something shows I'm not letting her do what she wants so I clearly don't love her 1
Buddhist Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 People tell me "get yourself back out there" etc but I don't want to, there is nobody that comes close to this girl. No. Don't put yourself back out there....yet. You need to heal first. You need to feel what you're feeling so you can properly get over it. I want her, I don't want anyone else, I can't sleep, I have no motivation for anything anymore, my life feels really empty. I really don't know what to do now.. This is grief. This is what it feels like, looks like. Accept this as best you can. The mood will shift and lift day by day. Eventually parts of the day, will go by and you haven't thought about her. One night you'll sleep all the way through and only realise at lunchtime you haven't thought about her. Eventually weeks will pass in similar fashion. You then only occasionally get these pangs of emptiness when you make an effort to remember her. In time you won't remember her at all. If she left, she wasn't the love of your life. That is the only truth you need to remember. Love of our lives stick around....Take care. 1
NIGHT1985 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 It's getting really hard to cope now, having someone I spoke to every single day, from wake up to falling asleep, texting, phone calls or meeting up 24/7. I've never been so in love with anyone in my life, it felt like I had met my perfect match. After plenty of failed relationships in the past and breakups that didn't affect me at all, I never dated anyone that I wanted to be with, I only dated because I felt bad saying no to them wanting me. This was the first girl I've ever come across in my life that I wanted and fell head over heels for. People tell me "get yourself back out there" etc but I don't want to, there is nobody that comes close to this girl. I find myself looking at my phone 24/7 hoping that she has text me or sent a Snapchat etc but I get nothing at all. I haven't slept properly at all since the breakup a few weeks ago. I dream every single night about me and her and then wake up at 3/4am and unable to sleep after because I now have her in my head and that is really affecting my health. I really don't know what I am meant to do. I'm not going to talk to her and reach out because her way of coping is to convince herself that I was awful and block out any good memories (when I left her she told me that me leaving her had ruined any good memories of us). I want her, I don't want anyone else, I can't sleep, I have no motivation for anything anymore, my life feels really empty. I really don't know what to do now.. isn't it strange how people are able to do this? My ex and I have split twice, after getting back together after the first break up, she completely forgot some of our happiest moments like, romantic dates, concert trips together, and just the little cute/funny moments we has. It honestly broke my heart all over again.
Buddhist Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 isn't it strange how people are able to do this? My ex and I have split twice, after getting back together after the first break up, she completely forgot some of our happiest moments like, romantic dates, concert trips together, and just the little cute/funny moments we has. It honestly broke my heart all over again. This is why I don't recommend people ever get back with an ex. You broke up because it was broken. For me this happens as well. Once I am ready to leave a relationship I have no desire to ever be back in it with that person. I don't get all nostalgic for the good times. I only remember the things that ruined the relationship for me. There is just no turning that back, better to part and start over with someone else. That doesn't mean I don't grieve or feel it just like the OP is feeling it. I do, and in some cases I've grieved for years. But the relationship is dead, there is reviving of it possible.
juniorrocha Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 One thing I never tolerate in a girl is drug use, she had a past habit nothing addictive but her friends were into it. I made it clear that one time and that's it for us and she made it clear she hated it and would never do it. She moved in with her addict friend which we argued about because of her being so close to drugs so easy to take them and she promised shed never do it. First night out they had and her friend started telling her she was really boring and there was no point moving down to live with her if she wasn't goingto do stuff so she took them. First time she's offered and she says yes despite knowing what it'd do to us and my feelings towards it. She started asking me for forgiveness and I said I need time to get past this. A few days later I started missing her so reached out and she said it was to late because I didn't forgive her straight away and the fact I can make this much fuss over something shows I'm not letting her do what she wants so I clearly don't love her Well, if you can't deal with drugs and she wants to be free to use them, then you have to let her go. In a relationship, someone will have to give in, or at least find a way that will make things good for both of you. What is more impressive to me is how her friend guilt-tripped her into using drugs and she actually gave in. I wonder if that was an excuse or if she's really that weak. Anyway, go NC if you aren't already doing it and give her time. If your relationship was good overall, maybe in some time you guys can talk. Don't count on that though, keep moving with your life.
whatnot Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Hard to comprehend isn't My relationship lasted 6 years. In March...she began seeing another man. It's that "It's can't believe this happening" thing. A reality that's hard to assimilate. Don't try and figure it out. (You're brain can't do that). It's like a death...figuring it out isn't going to happen. So, quit trying. Like death...it just is. That's life. Same here. All you need to know is, "it's over". That all our small brains can, or need to, understand (at least at this moment). It's the only reality that needs accepting. Do not try and make sense of this. Do not try and understand "why". I know our brains are wired to understand things things.. but our psyche also has the capacity to accept the unknowable. (Over time). "It's over. She's gone". Just concentrate on that one reality. It's helping to keep me out of the weeds (as painful as it is). Anything other than that is an attempt on our parts to mitigate (lesson) the pain And it does not work. Keep it simple Good luck
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