joe_35 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 So my girlfriend, or ex I should say, and I started dating in high school and then went to 2 different colleges about 3 hours apart. We were together for 3 years and everything was pretty good for the most part, however she always had an issue with being honest. Regardless of how big or small something was, she always lied about everything. I guess I was kinda dumb for putting up with it but I constantly told her it needed to stop. I always treated her exceptionally well and she knew it. She always told me how much she loved me and how she wanted to marry me one day and then have kids. We were very very happy for the most part with the exception of her honesty issue. During the last 5-6 months of our relationship she kinda let loose and started lying about more and more things, but I didn't know. During this time period I was extremely suspicious of many things that she said and did. Around our 3 year anniversary, I started pressing for answers regarding various things in her life and so much stuff came out at once. I was very hurt due to the fact that I had treat her with so much respect and was always completely honest with her. Whenever I would question her about stuff she would always say "I swear on our relationship" or "I swear on my mom's life" and stuff like that. That just amplified the feeling of being disrespected, given that she was able to look me in the eye and say those types of things. Occasionally she even swore on my family's lives. So we lasted about another month, with lots of arguments and me trying to see if she was actually working on her problem or not. However, it got to a point when I was just felt way too overwhelmed and noticed her lying habits were still there, so I ended it. I missed her a lot and we would still text every once in a while too. I had also started getting to know a new girl. After almost 4 weeks she calls me up saying that she is pregnant with my baby. The last time we had sex was without a condom the week before we broke up so about 4-5 weeks prior to this point. At first I didn't believe her, but then she started sending me pictures of the pregnancy tests and her at the planned parenting place with the ultrasounds. I didn't want her to have and abortion and was ready to man up and take accountability for our mistake. I'm only 19 so it was very scary. She said she couldn't have it and decided to have the baby aborted. During the week she had the abortion, she constantly texted saying how much she was going to need me and how much she loved me and wanted be back together. She started saying stuff like "all of this happened for a reason. We're goodn to make it through everything and will just be stronger in the end." I bought into and said that I wanted to be back together and told her I wanted her back. That week was extremely upsetting and emotional but we experienced it together so it brought us close again. By the end of the week I was saying that we should get back together since we're saying all this stuff to each other. This was on a Friday and she said no and j was kinda upset given that she was saying all that stuff to me, so we didn't really talk much the rest of that night. The next day I was texting her again asking why she didn't want to get back together and she said started getting all annoyed and said her parents had come to see her that day and didn't want to talk to me so I respected that and said just text me tonight. She never texted me that Saturday night or the next day(Sunday). I texted her on Monday once again asking to be back together. Once again she said no. I then found out from one of her friends that knew what we had just gone through that my girlfriend had hooked up with a guy on that Friday night. She also began talking to a guy that she supposedly had a crush on for a very long time. I forgot to mention that I had told her about the new girl I had started talking to and hooked up with once, when we first started talking again because I'm just very honest by nature. It was upsetting know that she hooked up with another guy but I wasn't very concerned because I felt it was out of spite since I broke up with her and hooked up with another girl, as well. I was more concerned about the guy she liked. The next day j confronted her about everything and asked about how she was saying that she loved me so much and wanted to marry me the previous week. I also told her I was willing to forgive her. She responded "that was last week..things change" which really got to me. She then got defensive and blocked my number. I texted her sister and explained what was going on and her sister said she would get her to call me back and the next day she did and we spoke on the phone. We began working things out slowly but surely. Later that day she even started saying that she loved me again and that she wanted to marry me again. So for the remaining 2 weeks we were away at school, we became better and better and she continued to love me up and tell me how much she loved me and how happy she was with me. However, there were suspicious times when she wouldn't answer and she never really wanted to talk in the phone, just text, which I thought was strange. It wasn't like she didn't have time either. We did speak on the phone 2 or 3 times. During this time I also wanted her to assure me that the guy she like and was talking to was completely out of the picture and she kept saying yes. The only reason I kept bringing it up was because she was still connected to him on all of her social media. Eventually we both went home and spent the next 3 weeks together. We were extremely happy with each other and both said that we felt it was better than ever. But we started fighting again because she was still being suspicious about the other guy. She was still friends with him on all of her social media and I asked why and she said that she was gonna post pictures of us to use that as a way to show him that we were back together. I was a little scared of that because it sounded like she was using me to make him jealous. But I kinda ignored it and let her do that but she kept posting very sexy pictures of herself and then when she finally posted a picture of us, I noticed that she had blocked him right before. I know this may sound weird that I was getting upset about who she was friends with in social media and what she was posting, but it was really just something that was very suspicious to me. we continued seeing each other and we seemed to be perfect. She even came to some famiky events with me. we were also having great sex. All of a sudden out of nowhere she tells me that she wants space for a few weeks, so that she could "work on herself". She said stuff ankh how she always lied to me and thag I didn't deserve that and she wanted to fix it. Part of me thought it was bull**** but I said ok and asked only that she assures me that she's done with that other guy. She responded "yeah hears my phone, look for yourself" and gave me her phone. I should mention that right before she gave it it to me in almost positive she deleted a conversation with someone. But I took it and looked only to find a conversation with one of her friends talking about the other guy and how stuff was going with him and that all she need to do was get rid of me and then her and the other guy could be happy. This coversation was also only a few days old. i also found the guys number still in her phone. She freaked out and told me that she was lying to her friends about talking to the other guy. Like complete bs. I guess she forgot to delete that convo before she gave her phone up. Anyway I decided to take matters in to my own hands and texted the guy myself. It turned out that she had had sex with him 3 times during the week after the abortion when she was telling me how much she loved me again and that she wanted to marry me. She was also stil talking to him behind my back and was planning to go on a date with him in a few days. The guy had no idea that we were together again and said that she would text him saying that I was crazy and wanted nothing to do with me the week they were having sex. I was extremely hurt by this. She claimed to never have sex with him or even kiss him. She even got so pissed of and angry at me for asking and was extremely disrespectful. I kept pushing for an answer tho and finally she said that she slept over his room once and hooked up with him, but I feel like it was complete bs. I also found out that during this time period she was telling all of her friends that j was bad to her and that I was crazy. After that I told her j wasn't waiting for and that we were done. I guess my question is what to do about the situation. Should I completely cut her out? Is it wrong to feel the need to tell the other guy about the abortion so that he sees how screwed in the head she really is? It's also extremely upsetting knowing that she's telling her family and friends that I was bad to her when I really treated her so good. She acts like I ruined her life and is very disrespecting and rude The few times we still talk. That's my situations. Any advice ? 1
Marc878 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 (edited) You're young. Go completely dark and move on with your life. Think with your head. Why would you want this? No future with a lying cheater. Get out of this turmoil and stay out. You can never fix her but you do need to fix yourself. Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" free download. Edited May 28, 2016 by Marc878 1
juniorrocha Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I just got out of a relationship of 2 years that was just like that. My ex would often lie to me about things or hide what was important to be told. Just like you, I'm very honest. Unfortunately there are people out there who are capable of doing what she did, what my ex did, and they're not the only ones. But the fact here is: THEY DO NOT DESERVE US. My advice to you is: get out of it! You deserve someone and something a lot better than what she's willing to give to you. She's not going to stop that. Go full No Contact, don't stalk, don't talk to her, block her on everything and move on with your life. Chances are she will still be around haunting you and trying to get back together, but just ignore. If I were you, I'd give her the best answer one could give: SILENCE. Meanwhile go out more often with your buddies, go outside and do something nice, start a new hobby or do something you haven't done in a while. Get your mind full of things you enjoy and get rid of anything that may remind you of her. Give it a few days and you'll see an improvement. A few weeks and she will be out of your mind. Months and she'll be long gone and you'll be wondering why the F you put up with all that ****. Best of luck to you. 2
Satu Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 After the emotional ordeal you've been through, it really is time to focus on your own wellbeing. It takes a while to get back to normal, but you'll get there. It would be best to implement no contact. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend and delete her from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. You'll be OK. Take care. 1
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