KittyKat67 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I put my 15 year old dog down today. I have had major depression and Isolated myself with my dog for the last years. I should have made more ouside contact and now I am totally alone. I know that because the two friends I have to call to lean on are kinda busy and talked for me a little but I always envisioned a good gal friend who would be over at 2 in the am if I needed her. I am that type of friend. So...now what. I don't even know what to with my life anymore. I miss her so much. I have been through abuse and trauma and she saved my life. I am so cofused now because my whole life revolved around her. I have no friends where I live, moved to a new city 5 years ago. Any advice? I sound pathetic, I feel pathetic....i know it will get easier, anybody else lose a dog that was your whole world?? 2
Gloria25 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 **Hugs** Grieve, in time you'll recoup. My house was so quiet without my beast. I didn't realize how much she was a part in my life till she was gone. I didn't wanna suffer that loss ever again. Eventually I adopted again. 6
Arieswoman Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 KittyKat67, I am sorry you are going through this heartache. I can feel for you as when I lost my 13 yo dog I was heartbroken and it left a big gap in my life. He was my companion all through a nasty divorce and he went just about everywhere with me. This is in UK https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-support but other countries may have similar organisations. You will get through this, it just seems really tough at the moment. HTH. x 2
preraph Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I had a dog that we saved each other. I saved her, and then she was my only joy during a 10-year depression. So I know what you're going through. First of all, please know that you gave her a great life and that she is now on the other side. Whatever your religious beliefs are, just know that there is nothing wrong with talking to her from time to time. Mine's spirit visited me in a dream on one of my birthdays. You can still imagine petting her and doing the thing she loved and I believe their spirit can sometimes feel that. Don't rush to get another dog. Give yourself a couple of months or more if you feel like it. And don't try to replace this dog with a dog you hope is just like it. Just know that they are all lovely in their own way but no two are really alike. And know that your dog wouldn't want you to remain unhappy and without joy for long. Take advantage of this time to travel a little if you feel like it. Then when you're ready and can face picking one dog out of all the sweet faces at a shelter, go pick one or two. But that's why I say wait a little while. It was very hard on me going to shelters. I wanted to save them all and it just hurt walking away from one because I was too raw emotionally still. You will always and forever have the love for and from your dog. It doesn't go away. Best wishes and so sorry for your loss. 6
katiegrl Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Virtually everyone I know who lost their beloved pup, adopted a new puppy relatively quickly and spoke of how their new puppy saved their life! You can still mourn your deceased pup while loving another one. Let your new pup save you like your deceased pup did, in different ways of course. Your new pup needs love and a home, you need each other. Best of luck hun and I am sorry. May your beloved pup RIP.. Hugs 3
BlueIris Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I’m so sorry for your loss, KittyKat. It sounds as though you had a wonderful dog. Maybe ask one of your friends if you can go do errands together and get out a little bit? 4
Author KittyKat67 Posted May 28, 2016 Author Posted May 28, 2016 I’m so sorry for your loss, KittyKat. It sounds as though you had a wonderful dog. Maybe ask one of your friends if you can go do errands together and get out a little bit? Hi I appreciate the love from everyone. I wish I had alot of friends but the truth is I don't. I have two people I can call that live out of state and 1 person that lves an hour away. I have a huge wall due to trauma and scared to let people in and I became really co dependdent on my dog for the last 15 years. I worked from home too. Its very painful to face the reality when you don't have many people to call for something like this. I am thankful for loveshack. 2
Satu Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 This is a hard thing to go through. In my world, dogs are four-legged people. Sorry for your loss, KittyKat67. 3
ChickiePops Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I'm so sorry kitty. I wish I had some words of advice but all I can offer is my sympathy. I hope you make some new friends soon, both human and animal. 2
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I am truly sorry for your loss. We love our babies...and sometimes losing them is worse than losing family members...because they are the closest family we have. They are there for us 24/7. Your precious is waiting for you on the rainbow bridge. Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... Author unknown... 2
preraph Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I want you to think about this, for when you're ready for another dog or two down the road. You need to have them certified as companion animals so you can take them with you anyplace. They will do it for emotional support reasons. I know because my boss has done it with his, and his isn't all that well behaved, so it is a matter of going online and finding out what to fill out and do it. Maybe you'll be more inclined to get out with them by your side. 2
Luckiestgirl Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 First I would take the time to grieve. I don't have a lot of answers regarding making new friends, but getting out of the house would definitively help. When you are ready, head to the animal shelter. Surely there is an old dog there that nobody wants but desperately needs love and compassion. You can give him/her that. 1
Marc878 Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 I had to put our 14 yr Boston terrier down. Horrible! She went everywhere with us, airplanes, you name it. Everyone knew her. Get another ASAP! They always love you no matter what 1
Author KittyKat67 Posted June 2, 2016 Author Posted June 2, 2016 (edited) For those that have lost a dear pet, aka family member, who was there for you? Was it the people that you thought it would be? What was your expectations of those around you when dealing with this tragic loss?...and for the title of this post, she is not really nowhere, she is somewhere...on facebook with likes..lol I am asking because I have a semi best friend of 30 years whom we talk at least 4 times a week and are like sisters. She is not a dog person but liked my Billie. Since last friday, the day I put my dog down AFTER 15 YEARS OF PURE JOY WITH THAT DOG..I AM DEVESTATED BEYOND WORDS, I got a text, she listened when I p honed her for 15 min, but since then, 1 week I have had not one text or call asking me how am I donig. I have gotten the facebook likes, but honestly that is really p*ssing me off because the "likes" is nothing compared to her giving me a shoulder to cry on. I needed her. Luckily though, I had two friends who I had no idea would be there for me, was there in huge ways. This dog was like my child and she knew that. I don't know if I could really EVER forgive her for not showing me a bit more caring seriously. I can take alot, but when it comes to this loss, no way. Your all the way in or out with me. Billie taught me to be ride or die. She taught me about love though too so I don't want to be angry forever. The reason I don't phone her is because she usually will just say she has to go if I cry. I needed a good hard cry and at least my friend in another state skyped with me for 10 hours...I swear I had no clue he would be there for me, I do feel blessed and will now only have friends that are down for me. Any advice is welcomed and encouraged. Well I was diagnosed with heart disease and cried and she told me I was a hypochondriac. I guess dog people are just not as compassionate of people. The weird thing is like I said earlier we talk at least 4 times a week. HOW COME WHEN MY DOG DIES THERE IS NO COMMUNCATION? WTF, SORRY I AM MAD, HURT, JUST LOST MY GOLDEN/CHOW/HUSKY GIRL OF 15.5 YEARS. So, I feel a bit funny about expecting her to give me solace but then again, Billie is teaching me to follow your heart..it never lies. My heart is calling BS, sorry. People ask me why are you friends? Well is my only friend from the past, childhood and she is the only friend I ever had that shared interests in the arts so I feel a huge connection. She always give me nurturing energy and tells me she loves me. I was treated bad by my family growing up so her friendship/nurturing energy is what I guess I like. And we have fun, but thats the point. If its not fun, she is not there fo rme. Am i being too hard on her? I don't feel like I am because I know what kind of friend I am, have been to her. And..what I deserve. She told me last week, that she was never really good at being there for her friends. I don't know of any other friend she has besides me. Edited June 2, 2016 by KittyKat67
Survivor12 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 i think it is impossible for a friend to meet every need & expectation. I have a few friends with whom I am especially close. When I lost my Dad, they all offered condolences but one was especially empathetic. When work related issues arise (positive or negative), I call on a different friend for advice or to exchange stories. Since she has no children, I don't expect her to be interested in hearing a lot about mine. Another friend will chat about relationships for hours but has no patience to hear about anything negative so I would never ask her for emotional support. This friend of yours offered her sympathy & let you know that she was thinking about you. It may not be in the way you would like, but she didn't ignore your pain. I do understand your grief. Losing a pet can be devastating. When my beloved cat died a few years ago, I received condolences mostly from people who had (or had lost) pets of their own. Some shared stories and were sincerely interested. Others just acknowledged my loss with a few words in a text. My point is that if your friend is fun to hang out with, can make you laugh or adds value to your life in other ways, so be it. If she doesn't, end the friendship. In either case, find someone else's shoulder to cry on. Being emotionally supportive just doesn't seem to me something you can or should depend on her for. 2
basil67 Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how painful it is losing a beloved animal. Not being able to hold them one last time is agony. However, I don't think that supporting a friend through the loss of an animal is something that most people do or expect. If you need her support, reach out and ask for her to come and be with you. I know you want her to initiate, but with the average person (even animal lovers) it probably won't occur to them.
preraph Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 That does suck. My friends are pretty good about it except one. They know I'll just be in mourning for awhile and can't talk.
seamos Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 It would be nice if friends were all things for all situations but few I've known were. It's easy to be hurt and angry about it, but losing the friendship over the failure to be supportive at a time like this would likely hurt you as well. At times like this I make it a point to use the experience to ensure that I always treat others the way I wish I had been treated myself. 1
anika99 Posted June 3, 2016 Posted June 3, 2016 You are certainly within your rights to dump your friend if you feel she has let you down and the friendship is one-sided. Or you could decide to accept your friend for who she is and the friendship for what it is. She is a friend who you can have fun with and who shares common interests with you but she is not a friend who will support you in a time of crisis. You have to decide if the benefits of the friendship are worth accepting this. I'm sorry about your dog. My dog is my best friend and I'm dreading the day I lose him but I don't know that I would expect my friends or family to really grieve with me. They haven't when I have lost pets in the past and I'm okay with that. As long as they express condolences and show some empathy it's good enough for me. Then again I'm the type that prefers privacy to grieve and cry on my own.
Author KittyKat67 Posted June 5, 2016 Author Posted June 5, 2016 You are certainly within your rights to dump your friend if you feel she has let you down and the friendship is one-sided. Or you could decide to accept your friend for who she is and the friendship for what it is. She is a friend who you can have fun with and who shares common interests with you but she is not a friend who will support you in a time of crisis. You have to decide if the benefits of the friendship are worth accepting this. I'm sorry about your dog. My dog is my best friend and I'm dreading the day I lose him but I don't know that I would expect my friends or family to really grieve with me. They haven't when I have lost pets in the past and I'm okay with that. As long as they express condolences and show some empathy it's good enough for me. Then again I'm the type that prefers privacy to grieve and cry on my own. Yes you know my family is givimg me my space and yes I don't expect them to grieve like I am for sure however with my friend, I have been there listening for over 20 years off and on about all her drama, there has been soooooooooooo much. It bugs me because when she calls me she starts rattling off on ever detail of what she is doing, "im driving here, going to go here, my boyfrien this, and I never get a word in. So maybe resent ment is just brewing. I know want her to repay me by listening.....but she is not emotionally invested. she loves me and is there like a caring mother...but she is not a comfort, I just can't explain and also, I have not gotten 1 text about the loss of my dog or asking how I am in over a week. Sure she may not be a dog person, but she wants our friendship to be like sister hood, she told me that andif your down for me like that, you should be dialed into my pain and just know how to be there. I just realized that I attract and keep people in my life that I don't get what I need out of but always there for others. This is a learning experience.
Author KittyKat67 Posted June 6, 2016 Author Posted June 6, 2016 (edited) Loveshack community has been a god sent. I am wriitng hopefull for the last time about this so called "friend" Basically my dog died and she was not around to support me emotionally as my other friends who were not as close were there for me. she has done this before when I got diagnosed and needed support...and other times when it called for her to tune into me. Long story short, I texted her today to let her know that I am not ignoring her but dealing with the loss of my pet of 15 years and its soul crushing. I told her I get she doesn't get the depth of the grief as she isn't a dog person. I told her that I am focusing my energies on the people around me that are there fo rme now because that is who is showing me the support I need. She then texted me told me I was a head case, told me that was a jab and said she doesn't want to talk for awhile, I told her that was fine and said bye and she said "buhhh bye". Now the reason this time I feel I am done is...we are well above the age of fighting like teenagers. Buhhhh bye, is passive aggressive and childish. Also the fact she wrote me and said she knows me better than I think, then still offered NO condolences or anything about my dog...shows me I am done. Yes some have said not everyone is there for you in your dogs grief, but we have a sisterhood, it was deeper than a friendship and I would have been there at any time any place to have her back. We had been friends for 10 years, didn't talk for a few after that then reconnected. She has alot of drama and sadness to her vibration now and I get that, but darn it, my dog died and she knew how close we were. And she kept talking about our sisterhood. Where is the sisterhood when I needed her? Loveshack, is it possible that some people can't be there for you, so you should just accept it and be friends? What if you have such a deep connection and history that you were there for her in times and listened and was emotionally open to help her through her times and she is not around for yours? I feel the 10 year connection dissove in about 20 seconds when I saw she could not be there for my dog issue. And its not just the dog issue, its my grief. My dad and mom are also on borrowed time. Its friends that help you throgh the times, the dark times. Me and her talked every day like 3 times, I feel it was a waste of time for me now. Am I being rational? When she wanted someone to listen to her ramble about her life I did and gave her support. That is why I want nothing to do with her anymore,. Edited June 6, 2016 by KittyKat67
seamos Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 KittyKat67; that's a decision only you can make. In the situation you described where your friend expected you to be there for her but ignored you when the situation was reversed then perhaps the value of the friendship wasn't that great to begin with. I have a friend on the other hand who doesn't attend funerals, I don't know why, he just refuses. A close mutual friend died; he didn't go, his mother died; he didn't go. I'm sure when I die he won't be there either but that's alright w/ me because I know he is sensitive and caring in other ways and is one of my closest friends in spite of how he deals w/ funerals. A little different situation than yours of course but when it comes to friendships it's a call that must be made in each individual case.
GunslingerRoland Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is always hard, but this is obviously about a lot more then that. You're living an isolated life, and relying solely on a non human companion with a lifespan about 20% of yours isn't a good way to fulfill your life. Do you have family you can talk to if not friends? Have you always been this isolated? Is moving back to your hometown an option?
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