qq2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I have seen a guy who is 8 years younger than me for almost half year. Basically we just hooked up and nothing else We never hang out even though I had complained many times that I don't just want to meet in the bedroom, that I want to go out with him as well But he never asked me out for a date. He even can't text me, just emails I clearly know that this young guy just wants me for sex, nothing more I have tried to break things off many times, and told him not to contact me anymore. I also insulted him sometimes. But every time he would come back and put sweet things in my ears then I would give in and agree to meet him again My question is, he had told me that "I love you" many times (his words don't match with his actions, I know), so a guy can say "i love you" so easy just to get into a woman's pants ? Last time when I told him if I am only for his bedroom fun I am not longer seeing him, he was like "no, you mean more than that to me, I love you, I truly do"... Sounds like he does care for me;I didn't take his words seriously, but it confused me a bit
miafarrow Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Yes. Last guy told me he loves me. Then he said he cares about me too much in the same night. I just smiled... I flew back home. Sent him an email. He said two word on my demands and my feelings which I had for him too. "Thank you (for not pushing me to answer you immediately)" 1 month later he is not answering or contacting me, so I am over investing my money in that crazy thing. If he did love me and cared about me as he claims. He wouldn't be so selfish thinking for ages where he should move or what should he do in his life. He d call me and ask me if I am okay and what problems I have in my life right now. He did nothing. Act of love is measured by deeds, not words. 2
Buddhist Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 People say whatever to get what they want. Pretty much. He wants sex from you so he tells you what you want to hear. If he doesn't act the way you want then stop hooking up with him. 5
Scarlett.O'hara Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 That may be his definition of love, but that doesn't mean it is yours. Those three words may hold significance for you, but what really counts are actions, like you already said. You aren't having your needs met so his words are basically meaningless. Likewise, if you say you wont put up with a sex only arrangement but go along with it anyway then your words also meaningless. He wont take your threat seriously. Actions speak louder than words. My advice, don't settle for less than you truly want. 1
juniorrocha Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Yep, they do. Not all of them, but some say it when they think it's convenient. Seems like your case. Sorry. 2
todreaminblue Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 its easy to say or write i love you, not so easy to show it in what you do, its in the little and the small things, love is as love always does, the touch of a hand and a smile you bring, when your love is feeling low, love is always gentle,forgiving, joyous and kind, love doesnt discriminate dictate and is physically blind its when sex is off the table and you agree on taking it slow, its in when you look at the guy feeling like crap, when all he sees then is you and your glow, love is not really just a four letter word its in the little things,its the bond you feel that you know for sure without a doubt is wholly felt and real, when all around you seems sure to go, love hangs around just so you know that no matter what stops or starts, you cant stop a true loves flow from a truly loving heart..........deb 2
Author qq2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Author Posted May 28, 2016 That may be his definition of love, but that doesn't mean it is yours. Those three words may hold significance for you, but what really counts are actions, like you already said. You aren't having your needs met so his words are basically meaningless. Likewise, if you say you wont put up with a sex only arrangement but go along with it anyway then your words also meaningless. He wont take your threat seriously. Actions speak louder than words. My advice, don't settle for less than you truly want. What could be his definition of love? Like keep wanting to see me and have sex with me? To me if he did love me, he would have asked me out for a date, would want to see me more and spend more time with me. All he has done was just came to my place and left after sex. Thanks for your advice. I will be strong and won't see him again if he doesn't change.
miafarrow Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 What could be his definition of love? Like keep wanting to see me and have sex with me? To me if he did love me, he would have asked me out for a date, would want to see me more and spend more time with me. All he has done was just came to my place and left after sex. Thanks for your advice. I will be strong and won't see him again if he doesn't change. You are dating ma guy when you first kissed someone.... he didn't even go to school... He is a child for you. How can you expect him to treat you different form girls his age? 8 years difference is huge gap... In your time maybe dating was different... In his timee too... I am 30.... Kids who are 22 now... are dawting differently and acting differently growing up in fb time and digital time makes your brain shrink
Author qq2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Author Posted May 28, 2016 (edited) You are dating ma guy when you first kissed someone.... he didn't even go to school... He is a child for you. How can you expect him to treat you different form girls his age? 8 years difference is huge gap... In your time maybe dating was different... In his timee too... I am 30.... Kids who are 22 now... are dawting differently and acting differently growing up in fb time and digital time makes your brain shrink I am at my early 30's so I am almost 8 years older than him. He is 25 Young guys also take their girls out, I guess. I don't want an expensive date, but this guy never asked me out for a date, even it is just a coffee date Edited May 28, 2016 by qq2016
kztar Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Yep, they do. Not all of them, but some say it when they think it's convenient. Seems like your case. Sorry. all the time. Play smart and let actions speak for themselves.
coolheadal Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Sorry, but I mean it when I say those words. I" is more direct than without it. Show affection along with it. I think that word is being use for other than what i was meant to be use for.
tayriley Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 talk is cheap. in fact, it's free. it takes zero effort on his part to say those few words to get you to climb back in bed with him. basically, he has made zero effort toward the things you ACTUALLY want- like to go out and get to know him. keep him as a f-ck buddy if you want, but if you do, do not expect ANYTHING from him other than sex. because YOU WILL NOT GET IT. hoping to get it will only leave you disappointed and angry. 3
Lois_Griffin Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Do guys say "I love you" that they don't mean it? LOL. Haven't you ever heard the phrase, 'some women fake orgasms but some guys fake whole relationships." The guy 'loves' that the sex is available and he doesn't even have to take you out for a lousy cup of coffee. Of course he 'loves' you - you're sex with none of the work. 2
joseb Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 My question is, he had told me that "I love you" many times (his words don't match with his actions, I know), so a guy can say "i love you" so easy just to get into a woman's pants ? Last time when I told him if I am only for his bedroom fun I am not longer seeing him, he was like "no, you mean more than that to me, I love you, I truly do"... Sounds like he does care for me;I didn't take his words seriously, but it confused me a bit I've never said it unless I meant it, but I'm sure lots of guys do. Actually when i was 15 I might have, but I didnt know at that age a little lust wasnt love. The part in bold, you gave him an ultimatum, and he responded with a less than honest answer to keep you on the hook. I'm sure he likes you, and loves the sex... 1
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 qq 2016 While I'm loathe to make generalizations, the guy you ask about will say anything to keep the NSA sex going. If he cared about you he'd take your concerns seriously. He'd take you on dates. He'd call you. Instead he e-mails you & you come running to meet him in the bedroom, something you say you want to stop doing. Yet, time & time again, there you are. He has zero respect for you. He does like the sex. It's time for you to make a choice. If you want to continue having sex with him knowing that he does not like you the way you like him & he's in fact using you, go right ahead. Or you can have some respect for yourself & walk away. Do not for one moment think that because you keep giving him what he wants that he will eventually come around & give you the relationship that you want. 1
elaine567 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Most who say ILY, say it because they mean it, or they think they mean it, or they just get into the habit of saying it or they know that saying it will get them something. Here it is obvious that he says it to keep you on board so that he gets sex, as you really have no other relationship bar what happens in the bedroom. He is using you essentially like a free escort, he emails when he is horny and you come running. If you also are quite happy being a FB/FWB* then fine, but if you want more then you are looking in the wrong place for true love, and if you continue you will just get more and more hurt. One day he will find the "love of his life" and leave you behind devastated. *People tend to make FWBs/FBs out of people they do not see as "relationship material", people they can never see having a LTR with or marrying. 1
tinkerbell16 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 What could be his definition of love? Like keep wanting to see me and have sex with me? To me if he did love me, he would have asked me out for a date, would want to see me more and spend more time with me. All he has done was just came to my place and left after sex. Thanks for your advice. I will be strong and won't see him again if he doesn't change. He "loves" having sex with you. Period. They will say anything to get sex. Period.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Let me get this straight: You've been seeing him for a few months, but he has not taken you out on an actual date? And he communicates only through email, not text or phone? He sounds like he's not even single. Just a hunch, but I suspect he has a girlfriend he's trying you hide you from and vice versa. And yes, some guys do indeed say "I love you" to get sex. 2
Author qq2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Author Posted May 28, 2016 Let me get this straight: You've been seeing him for a few months, but he has not taken you out on an actual date? And he communicates only through email, not text or phone? He sounds like he's not even single. Just a hunch, but I suspect he has a girlfriend he's trying you hide you from and vice versa. And yes, some guys do indeed say "I love you" to get sex. This guy is a big liar. He is hiding lots of things He never showed me his place, saying that his roommate doesn't allow female visitors. I asked him many times if he has a girlfriend, but he all denied. He even said "I swear to god I don't have a girlfriend". So I believed him...Maybe he has a fiancée or some girl he is dating...
Popsicle Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I think he's just emotionally and socially awkward and people like that have a hard time expressing emotion, mostly because they are so inwardly focused that they fail to recognize what other people are needing and feeling. The good news is that he really does feel it and mean it. The bad news is that he will always be awkward and make you feel insecure. That struggle will be a constant in your life if you stay with him. 1
PrettyEmily77 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 This guy is a big liar. He is hiding lots of things He never showed me his place, saying that his roommate doesn't allow female visitors. I asked him many times if he has a girlfriend, but he all denied. He even said "I swear to god I don't have a girlfriend". So I believed him...Maybe he has a fiancée or some girl he is dating... Or his roommate is in fact his live-in GF...
Popsicle Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 (edited) This guy is a big liar. He is hiding lots of things He never showed me his place, saying that his roommate doesn't allow female visitors. I asked him many times if he has a girlfriend, but he all denied. He even said "I swear to god I don't have a girlfriend". So I believed him...Maybe he has a fiancée or some girl he is dating... This IS a concern. Just demand to see his place and tell him that if he doesn't (you don't have to stay the night or anything, just visit) that you will assume that he lives with a GF/wife and is lying to you. I would assume that if a guy never let me see his place, because that's exactly what cheaters do - keep you away from their place. You have to tell him with your words that you are thinking this and why. By the way, it's also possible that he lives with his parents and is embarrassed about that. Edited May 28, 2016 by Popsicle
Author qq2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Author Posted May 28, 2016 This IS a concern. Just demand to see his place and tell him that if he doesn't (you don't have to stay the night or anything, just visit) that you will assume that he lives with a GF/wife and is lying to you. I would assume that if a guy never let me see his place, because that's exactly what cheaters do - keep you away from their place. You have to tell him with your words that you are thinking this and why. By the way, it's also possible that he lives with his parents and is embarrassed about that. I doubt he is living with his parents since he told me that his parents are living in another province. I guess he is a cheater then
Popsicle Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I doubt he is living with his parents since he told me that his parents are living in another province. I guess he is a cheater then Ask to see his place before you jump to that and tell him why.
preraph Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Guys will often say whatever it takes to get sex, including "I love you." And then there are guys who while you're having sex will say "I love you," when what they mean is "I love this." Don't be fooled.
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