Babygirlxoxo Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I recently began dating this guy, and I see many red flags. It's just so confusing and he does things that I really hate but makes me think everything is great. When I'm talking, he will often times begin talking about something else while I'm in the middle of my sentence, or when I say more than a sentence he waits until I'm done and completely ignores what I said. He talks about things and does things that make me uncomfortable when I ask him not to, and then keeps asking over and over and over why I don't like them. He thinks everybody cares and needs to hear about his life and he thinks he will become famous. He makes me watch shows I don't want to watch, and continuously tells me to watch when I'm even looking away or he tells me to be quiet. He's been using my money and saying he will pay me back but spending the money he has on other things. He's trying to make me attached to him. He constantly says things like "promise you won't leave?" And talks about a future with me. He talks about how much he helps my anxiety and constantly wants reassurance that he does help. I know he does not, but he's been making me feel so completely dependent on him and I know he will go insane if I leave. How do I figure out what I'm doing?
preraph Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Good lord, girl, there is nothing normal about this guy. He's nuts and you need to block him and get out. He doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you enough to listen to you or respect any of your opinions or wishes. He just wants to add you to his crazy little collection. He's dangerously controlling. You know what you need to do. Do not mess around when you do it. Cut him off and don't respond once you've told him in writing you don't want to hear from him again, because he may get nasty and you keep that text for the police in case you need a restraining order. He's off in the head. 3
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Seriously why do you date him?? Who cares what he'll do if you leave, it's HIS problem. Just block and delete. My goodness who needs an enemy with a boyfriend like this eh! 3
Author Babygirlxoxo Posted May 28, 2016 Author Posted May 28, 2016 I want too, but I'm worried about his sanity. It's been about 2 - 3 weeks and with him constantly saying "promise you won't leave" "I'll be broken if you leave and I know you would be to" "I can see us working and getting married and having kids".
Grace Sidberry Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 Trust your instincts. If you already feel that things are not good, it will only get worse the longer you keep the relationship going. 1
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I want too, but I'm worried about his sanity. It's been about 2 - 3 weeks and with him constantly saying "promise you won't leave" "I'll be broken if you leave and I know you would be to" "I can see us working and getting married and having kids". Honey, like I said it's NOT your problem. You don't stay with a nut case because he won't break up. YOU decide of your life, not him. Break up with him and tell him to not contact you, no playing friends either. If he won't leave you alone get a restraining order. 3
tayriley Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 what you have described here is an emotionally abusive narcissist. LEAVE NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!! it will only get worse from here. trust me, i've seen it happen to a friend. the guy went from obsessed paranoid boyfriend to physically abusive boyfriend REAL QUICK. abusive people are never that way from the get-go. they have to ramp up to it. you've only seen the tip of the iceberg of crazy he has in store. 1
basil67 Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I want too, but I'm worried about his sanity. It's been about 2 - 3 weeks and with him constantly saying "promise you won't leave" "I'll be broken if you leave and I know you would be to" "I can see us working and getting married and having kids". Him saying all of this to you should be a dealbreaker in itself. Let alone the other stuff he's doing/saying. His mental health is not your problem. 1
kendahke Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I want too, but I'm worried about his sanity. It's been about 2 - 3 weeks and with him constantly saying "promise you won't leave" "I'll be broken if you leave and I know you would be to" "I can see us working and getting married and having kids". This is emotional abuse and blatant disrespect. His sanity is none of your business. You do not have the requisite training in psychotherapy to deal with his issues. If his sanity is that much of an issue, then he needs to find a therapist and work that out with them. He's not going to be broken if you leave and you're not going to be broken if you leave--you'll be relieved. He'll find someone else with practically no self esteem to wear down and make her old before her time. You two are not going to get married and you're not going to have children. He's practically a child himself with the way in which he thinks. He sounds like a spoiled brat who was never told "no" by his mother. Stop dealing with him. You're not that invested in this that a couple days of tears won't get you over it and you'll move on. Block his number and block him from your social media.
kendahke Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 but to answer your question "why do I feel so stuck"? It's because you're trying to save a drowning man. If you don't know what you're doing when you try to save a drowning person, you end up getting drowned yourself because they use you to keep their head above water by climbing all over you. You need to swim back to shore and let him sort this out for himself. He needs to sort himself out without using you to climb all over in the process. You're going to end up being ground underfoot by the time he's done with you and you will have wasted your youth behind him--and that's something you don't get back. 1
tayriley Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 but to answer your question "why do I feel so stuck"? It's because you're trying to save a drowning man. If you don't know what you're doing when you try to save a drowning person, you end up getting drowned yourself because they use you to keep their head above water by climbing all over you. great f-cking analogy. i dated a guy that had severe depression but was in deep denial about it. that's exactly what he did to me. used me to keep afloat. OP, abusive types are like this- many times they treat everyone in their lives great EXCEPT for their significant other. all their insecurity and paranoia and anger gets unleashed behind closed doors for this person that loves them most. DO NOT let this be you any longer.
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