alianaleeuwen Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Well I recently parted ways with a man whom I've known for about 2 months. Actually we didn't officially go into romantic affairs but we knew it was there. Not long time ago we spent a very good 10 days together. We discussed a lot of things, deep talks, philosophize things, talked about his and my past, we traveled out of town. The thing is I've realized that there possibility I would invest more so i tried to build the wall of prevention. BUT I failed. The wall never finished. So I've been feeling devastated since he said he had no intention to be romantically involved with anyone at this point. But he did realize what we had done had romantic ssparks so he asked how did I feel when it turned to be more friends before we parted. He's 36, ever divorced, and has trouble to see his children. I tried to understand the situatiin when I knew the fact. I didn't want to feel pain, but eventually as he kissed my hand when he walked away, my heart was burning. I cried all the way home. I only wanted to cry even when he was still around me when I remembered that we were going like this. I told him I was jealous because I knew he was also texting another girl when he's on his phone. Told everything I feel. I read him my journals where my feeling about him was written about. It may sound silly to feel so much pain because i just knew this man for short amount of time. Moreover he's only traveling here but he will be in same land with me for 3-4 months ahead. But those 10 good days were too good to be left behind... I've never felt this pain. Probably my first breakup pain. I felt way too comfortable when he's with me because he understood me very well. I rarely and almost never find mental connection that we had although my previous relations were also with older men. In the last 2 days, I still can't get over it yet. My faith is crumbling. I always wake up with upset stomach and heartbeat in the middle of night. I spend some times in a day to cry where I don't want to. I go my day with heartache.. moreover I found out today he deleted me off facebook. He told me that I could reach him whenever I needed, so I sent him message on whatsapp telling him I couldn sleep and hoped we could meet again if he's still around, just as normal friends. His response was "thank you, Aliana"... For now I feel like beyond upset and sad. I feel like a bubble gum being thrown away after the sweetness is no longer there. I want to be friends normally with him again but still these days I think that we should've not even started it at the first place. I thought it would be just normal until he texted me everyday, talked about many intellectual stuffs which I liked, and even gave me dragon fruit seed which he had been growing for weeks. He drew me into his world already. I felt his world and mine blended and I guessed it was there but now it's doomed.... I wonder what actually he feels towards me. Although he said he felt more like big brother to me but I don't believe it actually.. since he ever told me that "I see myself in you", he reflected me as himself at some points. I feel he also has the same feeling on himself but he's trying as hard as possible not to....
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