Grey40 Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 I'm a guy. Ive been using POF, Tinder and Bumble and have no problem getting matches and starting conversations. I can usually even get numbers pretty easily but have had no success whatsoever actually meeting up or setting up a date with any of these women. What could I be doing wrong? 3 things happen when I bring up the idea of going out for drinks, coffee or dinner: 1) They either totally ignore me after that and cut off contact 2) They say "sure" "ok" "great!" And then then bail out or flake the day of 3) They say, "I'm not comfortable meeting people without getting to know them more first etc." Is this common? Is it extremely difficult to get dates to happen? Maybe my texting/conversation is really uninteresting? Maybe it's just them? I mean I have talked to well over 10-15 women and none of them were interested in meeting.
Philosopher Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 When you get their number, do you suggest meeting up in the first text message or phone call you make, or do you try to engage in quite a bit of "how are you" type messages first. Usually it is best to suggest meeting up pretty much as soon as you start communicating over the phone to show you are interested. Also from my experience, on sites like POF and Tinder, people tend to be more flaky in general. I gave up with both POF and Tinder fairly quickly as I was having exactly the same issue you had. On the other hand on OkCupid and Match I have found that once the exchange of numbers has occurred, there is usually a date soon afterwards and flaking is pretty rare.
salparadise Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 There have been many threads by men asking similar questions. It's harder for men, no doubt. Still, some are successful and some aren't. There is quite a bit to learn about how to go about it. It has been documented (by Christian Rudder, founder of OKC) that women online consider 80 percent of men to be below average. And, women aren't interested in average––they're looking for 5 percenters and mostly deluding themselves that 5 percenters are going to be interested in them. So here is what I believe you need to do, generally speaking... - Be very attractive. Use pics that make you look good. They can't really separate a good-looking pic from a good looking person, unless you also show bad pics, so use only a couple of good pics. - Be different. They're looking for someone who intrigues them. Figure out some asset that differentiates you from the crowd and play it up some. You don't need all women to be attracted; it's better to appeal strongly to a few women. - Make sure you nail the essay. Leverage vocabulary, but not pretentiously. Most men on dating sites can't write worth a damn. It's easy to differentiate yourself this way, and women love words. - The majority of women (and men) online are time wasters. Ask for the date almost immediately. If they disappear they were a time waster. If they want to "get to know you first," you disappear because they're also time wasters and you aren't any more likely to get a date with them than another random woman that you haven't even met yet. - Don't look overly eager. You want to foster the notion that you have plenty of options and not much free time... that you can take it or leave it. And you actually do want to be this way. No investment in anyone until you've at least met and gone out a couple of times. - Dating sites are only good for one thing... meeting people to ask on dates. Use it only to your advantage and don't chase women online. Some will come back after you've gone silent because you asked them out and then went silent. They have the same problem- finding guys who actually want to date, and are at least reasonable prospects. I've told this one a bunch of time now... how I met my girlfriend. She "like" my profile. I sent a message and asked for a date in that first message. She accepted in her reply. We exchanged a few more setting up the time and place and then both were silent several days before the date. I confirmed a few hours before. She was the kind of woman I had been waiting for, and apparently visa versa. You just have to optimize the profile and then take a zero bull$hit approach. That's my take on it anyway.
coolheadal Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 To many of these women have behavioral issues you won't know about until you finally meet them. Nothing you can do about it, and these women don't know what they want? You doing your best to find one but it might not happen so fast and stop rushing into things. Change your habits don't do the same thing over and over again. Level 1 - text chatting Level 2 - phone chatting Level 3 - meeting in person (this one be cautious) just act normal Level 4 - second date Level 5 - third date Level 6 - long-lasting relationship starts (don't mess-up by level 6) The other levels takes time to really know how you feel and what goals you want to achieve. So much against us men today. When you date watch how they act if you try to kiss them and they pull away then you know they're not ready for you or they're just not into you. Got to study and know how to handle these type of women. Most of them come from unhealthy prior relationships then you end up with them. I think we need to discuss what type of relationships these women had prior before you start spending money on them. If it doesn't work out you know the end result.
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 OLD can be hit or miss, mostly miss. It's a single tool. Use other IRL methods too & you will have much better success. 1
Larryville Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 OLD can be hit or miss, mostly miss. It's a single tool. The thing is (addressing guys and gals) as Sal said this thread gets recycled about once a week. Here is the thing, the site you use is irrelevant, but when folks start these threads we don’t know how you are introducing yourself, we don’t know how you look, we don’t know any specifics about you, we don’t know your income, educations level, personal status. Also we don’t know who you are contacting in relations to your looks, age, education, income whatever… Point being if you don’t or are not getting dating success there must be a reason why. What makes you worthy of a date? What do you bring to the table? Particularly if you are a guy and women continue to flake on you they don’t want to hang with you for some reason and we can’t know why. Sal also has… Be different. They're looking for someone who intrigues them. Figure out some asset that differentiates you from the crowd and play it up some. If you have poor communication skills, or are boring for some reason well… If you are a great guy a great catch a woman will seek you out eventually… Unless all women are stupid and ignore great catches!
Lois_Griffin Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Are you texting them or actually TALKING to them when you get their numbers? If it's texting, then that's lame and you're just another of the many guys hiding behind a keyboard asking her out. CALL her. Engage her. Interact with her. Don't be lame words on a screen. I didn't put up with that nonsense when I was doing online dating. If he didn't have the guts to talk on the phone, I had no time for him. The GOOD thing about the phone is that you can tell what kind of personality they have. If you ARE talking to them, then you might be turning them off if you're not warm and engaging. I turned down more than one guy after talking to him on the phone if he was monotone and and had no inflection in his tone or had the personality of dryer lint. If you're getting the girls and getting their numbers but they're flaking on you after talking to you, it's the way you're coming across. 1
phineas Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 (edited) OLD is what it is. lately i havn't done so well online. i'm not on enough. You have to pretty much message women while they are online or they won't see your message due to all the other messages slamming into their mailbox. I have had women message me though. A few of them are from out of town looking for a guy to show them a good time for a weekend. lol. However, every time i've gone to a bar for a concert a woman who I thought was hot seemed to end up next to me. All I had to do was not be autistic & talk to her after the band was done & digits. However, i should point out i'm 44 and not to boast but 95% of the men my age are overweight, dress like your grandpa, and awkward/clingy as hell when it comes to women. I am not. So women my age really do not have a lot of options if they are in shape and looking for the same in a guy. One more thing, be a jerk. If you message a woman and she gives you two or three rounds of one word responses tell her she is boring you. Sometimes they start making an effort. Sometimes they get mad. most times they just don't respond. LOL! Edited May 27, 2016 by phineas
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