Dimlightshining Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Hello there. I'm quite desperate right now so I need some help. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months, things were amazing all round, we were seeing each other a lot as we study at the same university and live in the same campus. We really got along wonderfully, we connected on so many levels. We knew from the very beginning that he will have to leave the country for a whole year to study, but he decided to try it out with me anyway. So today he broke up with me out of nowhere, he told me that he's already too attached to me, that he loves me and that he'd rather break up with me now since he thinks a LDR wouldn't ever work and would not wish to hurt me more in the future. I tried to tell him that it could work if we both tried but he said that he wouldn't bear knowing that this LDR would hurt me. I feel really stupid right now, but I don't want this to end, I love him so much. What should I do? I'm afraid of the NC rule as he will leave the country in 2 weeks and then we won't be able to see eachother until in autumn.
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 It's been two months. No offense, but how much could you really love somebody you have only known for 60 days? he doesn't want to do an LDR. You shouldn't either. Especially when you are young & in school, LDRs are really a p.i.t.a. You are too far away. You can't see the other person. You won't be there for the dances, the games, the parties etc. You will be consumed with jealousy & wondering about all the other women around him. It's a nightmare. Let him go. Enjoy yourself. When he comes back from study abroad if you are both still unattached & interested see what happens then.
DreamP Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 The relationship is over. Two months is not long enough to want to carry on a LDR for a year which will involve him being in another country. More than likely he doesn't want to put in the effort and probably wants to date people from this other country while he is there. The whole point of going abroad is to experience life there, including dating. The whole, "I don't want to hurt you" is BS. It's more like, "I don't want to hurt you by cheating on you because I know that is what I will be doing." He is making the right decision and you need to respect it. 1
CarrieT Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Listen to d0nnivain and DreamP. You were talking about things being amazing but you were still in the honeymoon period. There is no way to maintain that while apart from each other and he obviously didn't see it lasting - especially at your young age. He didn't break up with you "out of nowhere." It was obviously on his mind for a while that you two were going to be physically apart and that you both were going to be meeting new people, growing, and changing. He is being pragmatic and you are not. Sorry - time to let go.... 2
sooshi Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 I am sorry for what you're going through. It's painful. There seems to be a discrepancy with how much the relationships means to both of you, and it seems to be a pretty big one if he is willing to end it. LDRs can work, but they do take work, and unfortunately, he doesn't see it as worthwhile work. If he did, being in another country for a while wouldn't change a thing. He wasn't as invested in the relationship as you were. I know that might be hard to hear, but I think it is important to hear the truth, so that you can let it sink in and heal from there. Now you have space and room for someone who is willing to commit to you, near or far... and that's wonderful. 1
Els Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 You should let him go. I mean, LDRs are definitely possible (especially for only a year with a solid end date!), but the key to them succeeding is that BOTH people need to be on board with making it work. If it's just you trying to 'convince' him... then yes it will never work. I'm truly sorry you're hurting, but IMO it's better that you find this out now, than have it drag on for months during the LDR and eventually end anyway when you see he isn't bothering to put in the effort for it. So you dodged a bullet, in a sense.
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