shygurl Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise You nailed it. Deep down she isn't happy, she is convincing herself she is. You can tell by her post she is unhappy. She assumes whats true for her is true for everyone. She has to believe that to protect herself from the pain. I would wonder why she's remaining with someone who's not attracted to her - surely she could find someone who would accept her as she is and love her and be attracted to her for just who she is. Mymojo.....do you and your husband ever kiss? hug? show affection to one another? flirt with each other at all?
mymojo Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl No way! I think you're making yourself believe this because you're so hurt that your husband doesn't want sex with you - but this line of thinking is way off the mark. In a good health relationship/marriage - even after years, there's still a deep bond and connection there..........sometimes it takes work to maintain it. Sounds like you have rather distorted views on sex and intimacy and have maybe never had a good relationship where sex is still a vital part after many years? I feel sorry for you but I guess if it's truly working for you.............though I don't think it is deep down, you are just trying to convince yourself it is. It must be very hard on the self esteem and heart to know that your husband isn't attracted to you sexually. I don't blame him for not being attracted to me, my body's pretty scared up and disgusting looking, So much so that I wish the surgeoon would have just let me bleed to death during my last operation.
mymojo Posted July 3, 2005 Posted July 3, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise You nailed it. Deep down she isn't happy, she is convincing herself she is. You can tell by her post she is unhappy. She assumes whats true for her is true for everyone. She has to believe that to protect herself from the pain. I've got a lot of friends who've been married for years, their situations are the same, their sex lives stink and they and their husbands would basically rather do anything else to avoid having sex with each other. and there is no "protection" for my pain, I must look in the miror each day and face the fact that I'm a useless,ugly scarred,marred damaged goods POS middle aged pig .If somebody ran me over with their car they should get an award for improving the envirnoment.
Author SunnySG Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 mymojo - It breaks my heart to hear you speak like this. I just wanted to update everyone to my sitution: My husband is moving out and we're going to file for divorce. I feel so much better having told him everything once and for all. He took it rather well and I feel better knowing that he couldn't stand being married to me either. I don't know if thats totally TRUE or if he just said it out of hurt. Both probably. I don't know what it is about THIS relationship that made me act the ways I did. I don't treat anyone else in my life with such distain. I hope we can both heal from this. My husband asked - "Is this is then?" I said, "Well, they give you 120 days to cool off and change youre mind, but yes, I think this is it." He asked - "Why are you messing with my head?" Meaning, why would you say they're is that 120 days? I don't know - to spare his feelings? Because I don't think before I say something? Because there is no script for breaking someone's heart... In the process, I have broken a little of my own and disappointed myself more than anyone else ever has.
PatientOne Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 SunnySG, Don't feel bad for your husband. If either of you should feel bad, it's him. Unless I missed a crucial post, you haven't cheated on him, but did fantasize about another man, true? And he threw a tantrum when you tried to talk about it with him, refused MC and now the two of you are divorcing? Good riddance to him. He sounds like an immature idiot. Do not accept full responsibility for this.
Author SunnySG Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 No, I haven't cheated on hiim, only told hiim about my fantasy - but he felt that was worse than actually cheating. We have grown apart. There is a lot of hurt, but once the decision was made to go our seperate ways, I feel so....empowered. Finally. I used to be so confident and felt like I could conquer the world. I feel like that again. My parents have seen the light. I just had a long talk with my mom. We had to give it a few tries (hanging up on each other a few times) but I called back and we really TALKED. She cried. I cried. She even suggested I have my brother move in with me - this after she's been threatening to kick me out of the house she owns. Real progress! It was wonderful. She understands, and it feels GREAT. I hope that doesn't change.... She does tend to blow hot and cold, but for now, I will revel in it. The H is movning out Friday. That was the plan yesturday anyways. We'll see. He's constantly dragging his feet - I expect that to go the same way. But, he may surprise me.... I have looked into finally getting my degree (I am like, 4 classes shy - what took me so long?) and just feel.... so light. Although, I have been suffering from "Breakup-Rexia". Not having an appetite when normally I could eat a horse.
Recommended Posts