jackisg4y Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 (edited) Edit: The title was "Need flirting advice" So I don't know how to put this aside from admitting I'm an idiot.. But could someone give me some hints on how to detect whether someone is flirting with you? It's not that I don't have any relationship experience, but in all of my past relationships I was the one being pursued every time. And unless the girl straight up tells me that she likes/loves me, anything short of that just goes right over my head unnoticed. When there are times where I kind of get the hint that I'm being flirted with, I don't know how to flirt back in response.. Other than complimenting someone's appearance a few times (though that I can at least do with confidence). Like let's say someone compliments me on my appearance.. How do I tell apart whether they are being nice or actually interested in me? Or something more specific that seems to happen to me quite regularly, I've noticed that women like to cling onto my arms intimately, and they only do that to me. So I figured that's probably their way of flirting. However, I never know how to respond to that. I always just end up letting them cling on until they eventually let go. Am I supposed to say something about it? I do enjoy it.. But how do you respond in a non-creepy way? My lack of skill in flirting is just really bothering me cause I feel like I've let a lot of potential relationships go by unrealized, or I would realize it but not respond properly to let someone know I'm interested (then they eventually lose interest). Any help would be appreciated! Edited May 27, 2016 by jackisg4y Wrong title
Author jackisg4y Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 How did you manage in your past relationships? Well like I said before, basically all the work was already done for me. The girls just straight up confess their crush, so all I had to do was say yes.
jen1447 Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Well like I said before, basically all the work was already done for me. The girls just straight up confess their crush, so all I had to do was say yes. These were relationships tho, right? No relationship gets going or survives without some back and forth (and no woman just blindly adores a cold fish, even if he's good looking), so what did you do in those relationships to engage those women?
Author jackisg4y Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 These were relationships tho, right? No relationship gets going or survives without some back and forth (and no woman just blindly adores a cold fish, even if he's good looking), so what did you do in those relationships to engage those women? They were the kind of really talkative girls that liked chatting with me. I always just treated them as friends, and talked like I would to any friend. Occasionally there were moments here and there where I complimented on her appearance, but I believe that's as far as flirting from my part goes. This last ex just basically kept talking to me nearly everyday (from the mundane to her personal life) and we became pretty close friends. Half a year goes by, she one day got emotional and blurted out that she had strong feelings for me after we got some alcohol into our system, and our relationship blossomed from there. After we're officially a couple we talked about moments like when we first met. That's when I find out that she actually had a crush on me from the very first moment.. Which I failed to notice for half a year.. See what I mean when I say I'm clueless?
jen1447 Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 They were the kind of really talkative girls that liked chatting with me. I always just treated them as friends, and talked like I would to any friend. Occasionally there were moments here and there where I complimented on her appearance, but I believe that's as far as flirting from my part goes. This last ex just basically kept talking to me nearly everyday (from the mundane to her personal life) and we became pretty close friends. Half a year goes by, she one day got emotional and blurted out that she had strong feelings for me after we got some alcohol into our system, and our relationship blossomed from there. After we're officially a couple we talked about moments like when we first met. That's when I find out that she actually had a crush on me from the very first moment.. Which I failed to notice for half a year.. See what I mean when I say I'm clueless? How did your "relationship blossom[ed] from there?" You had to have contributed something to the process.
Author jackisg4y Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 How did your "relationship blossom[ed] from there?" You had to have contributed something to the process. Do you mean the contribution before we became a couple? I deem myself a pretty good friend. My close friends like to confide in me the details of their mudane lives, secrets, life problems, etc. My ex basically did the same thing. I showed her that I cared about her by being a good listener, gave her advice for whatever problems she had, shared her sentiment when she was happy or sad, and showed her that I was someone she could trust. As she would say it, these things I had done for her made her fall for me even harder, and that one night she just couldn't hold in her feelings anymore. But here's the thing though.. That was a long process that involved nurturing a friendship, but all the while she actually had a crush on me. Had I known sooner we could've become a couple sooner? Although I'd imagine our relationship would have been a lot different if it started that way. Judging from what I've seen, a lot of other people's relationships just start with flirting and they get together really quickly. They don't really have a strong friendship before they start being an item. That is very different from what I'm used to, and I'm really wondering how people do it.
mikeylo Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 There is a difference between what people do and what sometimes just happens ! Sometimes just being friendly , polite etc , boom ! people find themselves in love , unawares. Don't push it. If you want to learn how to flirt , google it and then practice
jen1447 Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Do you mean the contribution before we became a couple? I deem myself a pretty good friend. My close friends like to confide in me the details of their mudane lives, secrets, life problems, etc. My ex basically did the same thing. I showed her that I cared about her by being a good listener, gave her advice for whatever problems she had, shared her sentiment when she was happy or sad, and showed her that I was someone she could trust. As she would say it, these things I had done for her made her fall for me even harder, and that one night she just couldn't hold in her feelings anymore. But here's the thing though.. That was a long process that involved nurturing a friendship, but all the while she actually had a crush on me. Had I known sooner we could've become a couple sooner? Although I'd imagine our relationship would have been a lot different if it started that way. Judging from what I've seen, a lot of other people's relationships just start with flirting and they get together really quickly. They don't really have a strong friendship before they start being an item. That is very different from what I'm used to, and I'm really wondering how people do it. I get what you're saying but you're not gonna be able to adopt a flirting persona that's convincing. Just be yourself. Apparently that means being laid back and friend-like and not so much pushing lines or playing a lot of back and forth. If your wheelhouse is to be the calm, steady guy, stick w/that and offer it to women who are looking for that sort of thing.
Author jackisg4y Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 I get what you're saying but you're not gonna be able to adopt a flirting persona that's convincing. Just be yourself. Apparently that means being laid back and friend-like and not so much pushing lines or playing a lot of back and forth. If your wheelhouse is to be the calm, steady guy, stick w/that and offer it to women who are looking for that sort of thing. Well I think I can flirt ok when it's verbal. Complimenting people comes kind of naturally to me. Physical flirting, not so much. I don't do that cause I don't like to risk getting restraining orders lol. It's just I'd like to know how to pick up hints when someone's interested in me. Cause not everyone sticks around for years on end to wait for me, and some people lose interest rather quickly when it's not responded in kind. Happened quite often that I would learn about someone's crush on me AFTER they've given up. I really just don't want to repeat my past mistakes.
jen1447 Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Well I think I can flirt ok when it's verbal. Complimenting people comes kind of naturally to me. Physical flirting, not so much. I don't do that cause I don't like to risk getting restraining orders lol. It's just I'd like to know how to pick up hints when someone's interested in me. Cause not everyone sticks around for years on end to wait for me, and some people lose interest rather quickly when it's not responded in kind. Happened quite often that I would learn about someone's crush on me AFTER they've given up. I really just don't want to repeat my past mistakes. Well I can run down the standard list ....eye contact, smiling and direct facing are usually good signs. If a woman spends a significant amount of time talking to you for no particularly good reason, it prob means she's interested. If a woman smiles at you it means she doesn't hate or loathe you or find you offensive. If a woman touches you it means you don't make her skin crawl. Etc.
Author jackisg4y Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 Well I can run down the standard list ....eye contact, smiling and direct facing are usually good signs. If a woman spends a significant amount of time talking to you for no particularly good reason, it prob means she's interested. If a woman smiles at you it means she doesn't hate or loathe you or find you offensive. If a woman touches you it means you don't make her skin crawl. Etc. By the way, I'd really like to thank you for your continued help! I've heard a lot about eye contact and smiles. But that comes very naturally to me. It feels to me like eye contact and smiles just go hand in hand with conversations, and I do that to pretty much everyone. I'm guessing that's why people always tell me I come off as a really friendly person. Although, is that really how simple it is? It feels like if that's the criteria for flirting then I've been flirting with everyone (even guys but I'm straight).. I guess I can understand the idea that if they talk to you a lot then that means they at least enjoy conversing with you and are possibly open to the idea of being more than friends. Well, more on the physical touching part, how does one respond to touching in kind? I only know to smile and not pull away, is that going about it the right way?
Jiggs Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 The best way to tell if a woman really likes you is to observe her body language. A woman who smiles at you, licks her lips excessively, laughs at your jokes (even the ones that aren't that funny), and keeps an open stance when directly looking at you is most likely interested in you. The best way to engage her is to be the best, most authentic version of yourself. Ask her out and see where it goes.
jen1447 Posted May 30, 2016 Posted May 30, 2016 Well, more on the physical touching part, how does one respond to touching in kind? I only know to smile and not pull away, is that going about it the right way? What does your 'instinct' want to do? Grab boobs and butt? Or maybe just nudge back? Or just calmly allow the luvin?
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