tito1501 Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Hello all! Me and my girlfriend have been struggling to find a job in a foreign country. We are bouth 24. I just received a positive answer from my traineeship which makes me extremely happy. However, when I give her the news, I can feel that she is happy for me. However, It is clear that she feels really bad about not having a job yet. I can see that she is receiving good and bad news at the same time. Is it a normal reaction of human beings ? If she loves me, is she not expected to be extremely happy for my achievement and don't think about herself in this moment? She says she is happy for me. But for me, not for herself. She says her situation is the same. Would really like to see some interpretations from the members on it. 1
Buddhist Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Weirdest question ever. Yes she's allowed to have mixed emotions, it's called being human. She is her own person, not your exclusive audience of approval. I doubt your reaction would be any different if the roles were reversed. But to answer your question, no your relationship isn't based on real love, because you are expecting her to perform in particular ways. That shows a very conditional kind of love. 4
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 It's basic Freudian psychology & has nothing whatsoever to do with love or how she feels about you. The ego is a powerful force. Your new success makes her current struggle seem even more like failure. Since you are the one who brought it up & are annoyed that she's not happier for you, perhaps you don't love her enough because instead of being sensitive to her plight & having empathy for her situation you are pouting because she's not celebrating you. Do you not understand that you are rubbing salt in a sensitive wound for her? 2
Larryville Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 If she loves me, is she not expected to be extremely happy for my achievement WTF!? Weirdest question ever. I should have had my coffee first before reading… Seriously!? 2
Author tito1501 Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 It's basic Freudian psychology & has nothing whatsoever to do with love or how she feels about you. The ego is a powerful force. Your new success makes her current struggle seem even more like failure. Since you are the one who brought it up & are annoyed that she's not happier for you, perhaps you don't love her enough because instead of being sensitive to her plight & having empathy for her situation you are pouting because she's not celebrating you. Do you not understand that you are rubbing salt in a sensitive wound for her? Ok, so lets say that I was wrong when I expected fireworks. Since she is the only important person here in this country which I really want to celebrate with: Dont you think it is wrong that she didnt even give me a hug in order to congratulate me for this new job ? It is something we were looking for months. And at least one got it. Is it not a good sign? Moreover, she just mentioned that if things are not going well for her within months, she will leave. Do you also think it is acceptable ? She havent tried enough (3 months only) and is willing to abandon what we built together. And one month ago when she an interview and was excited, she said she wanted to marry me one day. WTF ?
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