My Current Relationship Experience

[FoxDie]

This is my first time posting here and visiting this site. It was suggested I go here by someone. I look at the posts on here and man I see a lot of folks have problems. But I guess this is a great outlet for them. I put my experiences in my own personal diary sometimes. But here, there's the privilege of anonymity.

So I'll start off by saying Hey to everyone and hope the year is going well. If this is lengthy, can't say I'm sorry, but it can be an interesting read.

 

I am a Scorpio, too, if that matters. A lot of people bring up zodiacs these days.

 

This is my 2nd time at "attempting" a relationship. Like, being serious. And I ended up falling for a very wonderful lady I met about 6 months ago. We were like a couple on fire. I was the first one to confess my love. And she admitted that she felt the same way a while ago. She been in love before, me, I never gave no one the chance.

 

But I can honestly say I fell for her and care for her dearly. But as of late I feel like I have to revert back to loving myself more. It's just how I feel for now.

About a week and a few days ago she came to me talking about an open relationship. She was scared to talk to me about it, but I was actually glad she did. She stated that she has been distant from me, and feeling guilty about it.

 

It was totally sex related. Which I see where she's coming from. The thought of just banging one person for the rest of your life, to some, can be confining. But that doesn't mean people who can do that are bad. Every couple is different.

 

What I stressed is that despite doing this, we need to make each other feel special. We cannot treat each other like how we treat everyone else. We made rules and that was that.

 

But few days later I felt the "distance" still being there. So we ended up having another talk that graduated to a short skirmish. She said that she felt like I was giving her "too much affection". Like: being very playful, or the way I talk to her all cutesy-like. She doesn't like it. So I agree I have to tone down on it.

 

I thought I was treating her like a real man, but apparently not being "manly" enough.

 

I suggested that we hold off on the open relationship thing. I think we should come back to it in a year. Because I feel like there's ill-intent behind it. But she assures me it's only sexual.

 

Prior to all this, I was invited to a group on Facebook. This group is mostly for women. They post pics and guys drool all over it. Nothing nude though. I didn't care for it. But I mentioned it to her and she wanted to check it out.

 

She became quite popular in the group. I feel like some vanity has struck her a bit. Now she said that she loves attention from me, but also likes the attention she gets there.

But I don't want her to put her total value on that. I mean, if it's all for fun then cool, but it shouldn't matter really what people on social media think.

 

But then she also hits me with something else. She so used to doing things when she was single, but she has to devote "all" her time to me. Which I do not get at all. Because not long ago I told her to enjoy her weekend without me. She works 3rd shift so you know how that is.

 

As of late, we haven't even been hanging out like that. Only time I hung out with her was to the gym, and sometimes at her place. Other than that, she was able to move around as much as she wants.

 

Basically making me feel like I'm holding her back. And I really despise that notion. Like, I didn't force you into a relationship, you chose after rejecting me first. If I'm holding you back from so much freedom then by all means, leave me behind.

 

The reason why I said I need to start loving myself more is because I, have been stepping up more recently in the relationship. I write her poems or letters sometimes. The last times I planned the outings for us. I've been taking more initiative in the relationship lately.

 

She claimed that since I show so much "affection" she was discouraged to show her own. I surprised her a lot during this relationship. Like things she never saw coming. So she can't say I was predictable.

But I feel stupid on my part. Because I'm doing all of this and I cannot recall what she did since around Valentine's Day.

 

I even let her use my car. Her car had a bad tranny, so for like a month and some weeks I've let her use my car.

 

When it is all calculated, I feel like she has grown bored with me. And I am holding her back. I think she only loves the idea of me. Many times she said I'm perfect. She assures me that she loves me very much. But I'm not feeling the assurance. And I don't want to jump the gun. But I'm a different breed.

 

I know how I want to be treated. And if I am not feeling that way then I leave.

 

She said that she only brought the cutesy thing up to me, and I took more into account. But I have to protect myself. And when she said that stuff, it totally flipped on a switch in my head. She's really gonna have to fight for that affection again. She's gonna have to fight for a lot.

 

I rarely do relationships for that very reason; being in something one-sided. It is a horrible feeling, ain't it? To put out 100% but you're getting quarters of it back?

Now I kinda feel a riff between us. Maybe this can be fixed with time. I don't want to leave her, but I cannot stand by when someone tells me I am holding them back and I keep standing by.

 

Thanks for reading

 

-FoxDie

[FoxDie]

Wow....dammit I actually never thought of it that way. Her sister is kinda the same way. Very same way. And she said the Facebook group didn't change her, but it kinda did. Like, sometimes she'd be glued to that phone. I didn't fall in love with a woman like that.

[TaraMaiden2]

Wow....dammit I actually never thought of it that way. Her sister is kinda the same way. Very same way. And she said the Facebook group didn't change her, but it kinda did. Like, sometimes she'd be glued to that phone. I didn't fall in love with a woman like that.

 

Yes, you did. Because she has gradually revealed who she is. She just didn't let on right from the beginning.

She wanted to see how much of a whipping-post she could use you as.

 

She hasn't changed.

She's exposed.