Lilyann Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 My LDR relationship is going great. I am involved with a very wonderful man. We live 5 hours apart, but the communication is there, we talk on the phone, IM, text, and e-mail 1- 6 hours a day. After work, school, sports, and me - there is little time left. We have a goal set at the end of our LDR to get married. I am already set in my career and he is finishing up his last year at university. He is very caring and warm toward my feelings. He always wants to talk about what is bothering me and what is going on. I know that he is not doing anything that would jepordize our relationship. However, do to my past I have trust issues. I have gotten better, but I am not where I want to be with this. We are very open on what is going on with our lives. I know that ther is nothing going on, but I still have these issues. Can anyone tell me how to work past this? I do not want to push him away. He has told me that trust is something that he has to earn, but how long will it take to earn my trust? Any help will be appreciated. Thanks for your help
airbus Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 I am not sure how long it will take him to earn your trust, but he did say that trust is something you earn, and so it looks like he's certainly willing to wait as long as it takes to earn your trust! It will all come with time though, LDR's are not the easiest of relationships, but i'm sure all will work out in the end.
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Just remember to stay in the now and leave the past in the past. Trust issues are from previous relationships (? I assume?) and this is a different person in your life now. We all have hang ups and some baggage, just try not to allow past ghosts/memories to invade your head. Has he given you any reason not to be trustful? How long have you two been together? Were you dating alot before the LD or has it always been LD. The trust issue I think will be an issue until you live together - Really get to know eachother and see the in's and out's of the other person. To be around eachother alot more than now. Maybe consider talking to a therapist? Someone who can help you let go of past trust issues and learn how to cope better now.
mrsmotherof2 Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 hi. i'm new here. i've been just at the marriage forum talking about my own trust issues with my hubby. We've been married for four years. We've been a couple for about 6 years. I have trust issues. I know where they stem from. It has a lot to do with my past and I was very hurt when i was a young child. Trusting didn't become a problem until i got into a relationship with a man and we had a child. up until then, i was in relationships, had fun, got dumped, etc et. didn't bother me until i got into a serious relationship involving a child. ever since then, i haven't been able to trust very well. in fact, i dont' trust very well at all. although the issue i was talking about on the other forum is real right now, i remember flying off the handle if my hubby looked at a woman while he was with me. every time, i have trouble with trusting, i wonder what's wrong with me. if i think he's cheating, it must be because i've done something wrong to him. maybe i'm not pretty enough or smart enough or wealthy enough for him. It's hard. i always try and remember that my hubby doesn't live for me. and i dont' live for him. i have to grow and learn things so i can feel good about myself. i know i've made great strides in my life to overcome my past. it wasn't my hubby's fault. my hubby has to go out, work and be with his friends so he can feel good about himself. he's way more attractive when he's happy and self confident. i would be real mean, if i didn't let him grow. trusting is real hard for me. you and your fiance have made a nice goal to get married at the end of the long term relationship. that's good. maybe there isn't much time from now until then. but go talk to someone about your trust issues. that's all baggage. if i had known that my trust issues would make me this miserable in my relationship with my husband, i would have either tried to resolve my issues sooner or done the right thing and not get myself involved with someone who deserves better. i'm not saying your fiance deserves better. he must deserve you. but he also deserves you to give him the best of you. isn't that a song?
lvgrl Posted June 28, 2005 Posted June 28, 2005 I think before I decided to move to where the best thing that could have happend to me I had alot of questions, he would call on his way to the bar, or call before he was headed out to hang out with some friends..and let me tell ya, 10 hours of distance 800 miles of wondering is very hard and very stressful. How do I know what hes doing? I dont, and maybe he was having the same questions about me, what is she doing? who is she with? Is she really seeing someone else and just using me as a back up to have someone to talk to? I asked the same questions that I thought maybe he was asking himself, and I realized that I wasnt able to give him all of me, not just because of the distance, but because I was holding back because I was scared of getting hurt. LDR's can be good, it teachs you to accept that person for them, not for the clothes they wear, or who they hang out with, but who they really are, and until you can accept that fact that distance is only distance and the emotions and the feelings that you have for that person are much more important than risking loosing it all because you dont know what he/she is doing. And that is when I was able to give him all of me, and finally open up a door that had been closed for a LONG time. Just tell yourself that when he tells you what hes doing or where he is going, he is telling you the truth..and maybe hes not but in the end thats his fault, he missed out, his loss. Dont beat yourself up over something that you will never know, because your not there..All you can do is have faith and trust in that person, and if it backfires on you, you will get over it and learn from your mistakes...Life is all about learning and you never stop..So next time you start to question what hes doing, or where hes going or even if hes telling you the truth just remember that as long as you stand your ground, and do what you need to do and confront him when your curious about something or something the he has told you do so, but dont go about it in a accusing way, thats where the problems will start is if you accuse him or make him think that you dont trust him. Do your homework, and find out for yourself. And of course all of this is just another opinion, but I almost lost the best thing that ever happend to me by wondering about stupid stuff...I am only speaking from experience
Recommended Posts