juniorrocha Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 It's been a week since I broke up with my ex, we were together for almost 2 years. Our relationship was rocky, but the last 2 months before the break up were wonderful. I expected too much from her since the beggining, and often requested changes. And she went almost a year lying/hiding stuff/flirting with others until I found out, then she stopped, but that left me insecure about us, I couldn't fully trust anymore. She always tried her best to please me. After what she did, she would often cry very much, she'd say she was feeling guilty for everything she had done and that if she could turn back the pages of time, she would've done everything in a different way. She always made clear to me that I'm the best thing that ever happened to her and that I'm a great guy. A day before the break up she said she was happier than ever about our relationship. Now it's been 7 days since we had a big fight over something silly (but it was about hiding stuff, which was an issue already). She actually dumped me, overreacted, insulted me a lot, and then left. Then spoke to me again saying she needed a break, but then I broke up with her 'cause breaks are way too hard for me, I never know where I stand. Haven't heard from her since that. I went NC, too. I actually stalked during the last weekend, and it seemed like she was devastated, though it appeared that she was sure of the break up. She shared a song with lyrics that went like "I'm done, I don't want to try anymore, I don't want to love you, I wan't to feel free, it will be better without you", etc. Stopped looking her stuff, she's completely off my world now, although still in my heart. Now I know where my mistakes are and I know hers. Like I said, our last 2 months were incredibly happy. It seems like we were weakened by everything that happened before. I know she loves me, I also love her very much, but I know we need this break up to heal our hearts and to see everything clearly. I have to confess though that I'm hoping after a few months we'll be able to talk and try again. I miss her like crazy, but I'm holding on. I'm afraid she will be done for good, though. Should I do anything now? Or just keep going NC? 1
springy Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 She spent at least half of the relationship lying, hiding stuff (what does that mean?) and flirting with others. The woman is not trustworthy. If she's into hiding stuff and was able to do so for an entire year who is to say it ever stopped? Untrustworthy people do not just wake up changed. You should stay NC and use it to your benefit to get over her. I know it hurts, but you aren't missing much being with a partner you can't trust. 2
Author juniorrocha Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 Hiding stuff as in keeping things for herself which were important to be told. Somehow during the last year things were a lot better, she was a lot more involved, it felt like she learned the lesson. She did everything she could to make me trust her again. Still hard though. It's just that I know people may commit mistakes and I'm willing to forgive them, as long as they're trying to repair. And she did try 1
Author juniorrocha Posted May 28, 2016 Author Posted May 28, 2016 Today is the 9th NC day. I was feeling alright the entire day, then the night came and I am now struggling a little. The reason is I'd been weeks/months working very hard on a project and therefore I couldn't attend to any party or anything during a few months. Today was supposed to be the first party I was going to in a long time, my ex was going with me. It's the birthday of one of her friends, who is a nice person and ended up becoming a friend of mine too. However, I cannot go because she will most likely be there. There are so many feelings inside of me now. I know this should be about me, but today I keep wondering if she's happy without me, if she's already dating someone else, if she will kiss someone different, if she will remind of me when she's there... even though I have absolutely no intention of getting back with her, there's that little minuscule thing that wishes there could be a way to make things work, that she will message me sometime and at least try to make things a little lighter. I just wanted to vent because my friends are tired of me. I'm having this urge to go there because a close friend of mine is going too (btw the party will be at a club, so even though I'd see her there, we don't have to have any contact). But I'm afraid I'll see her there with someone else and that will destroy me. At the same time I don't think it's fair that I have to give up on the places I really want to go just because she will be there. Idk what to do. I tried to look up for other parties in places I use to go, but none of them have something nice for today. I feel lost. 1
privategal Posted May 28, 2016 Posted May 28, 2016 You can NOT go. It will actually look better for you if you dont, she knows you know she you know she is there and it will look desperate like you cant move on...plus what if she brings a date? Is cold and awkward? Doesnt go? Every single scenario will hurt you worse. Make her see your living your own life and staying NC. Let your actions show you are mature. Get a movie and relax or go to another pub and have a drink or two. Learn to enjoy your own company. Be proud you have stayed focused at work. You need to just lay low right now and ask your friends not to update you about her. Focus on only you and keep up the good work...your going to turn a corner and it will be so much easier! 1
Author juniorrocha Posted May 28, 2016 Author Posted May 28, 2016 Why do I have to care whether she will think I'm mature or not? I mean, it's over, I can do whatever I want and that's none of her business, right? I don't know, it feels like I have to hide myself and not go anywhere if there's the slighest chance she will be there (even though this time I'm 99% certain she will be there). Everytime I think of going anywhere I get this feeling like she may be there, therefore I shouldn't go. 1
Author juniorrocha Posted June 1, 2016 Author Posted June 1, 2016 I just stalked my ex's Twitter (again, sigh) to see she's going out with someone and she's posting stuff like "I could choose to sit here and cry for someone who left me or feel sorry for them for the amazing person they lost". We broke up 2 weeks ago and both of us are 100% NC. I've been focusing on myself, doing lots of projects and trying to keep my mind full... hell, I've been seeing someone too. But she's always on my mind. Thing is, my biggest motivation is that if I keep working on myself, someday we'll get to talk and maybe try again. I have this fear that she may just forget me though. So I have two questions: 1. How long does it take to get over someone? (you can share your own experiences) 2. When would it be a good idea to try to get in touch again? I know that for number 2 most of you will say that it will never be a good idea and I know I should go NC and never look back. I know our relationship was rocky, but I still have hopes; our last months were absolutely amazing. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 I just stalked my ex's Twitter (again, sigh) to see she's going out with someone and she's posting stuff like "I could choose to sit here and cry for someone who left me or feel sorry for them for the amazing person they lost". We broke up 2 weeks ago and both of us are 100% NC. I've been focusing on myself, doing lots of projects and trying to keep my mind full... hell, I've been seeing someone too. But she's always on my mind. Thing is, my biggest motivation is that if I keep working on myself, someday we'll get to talk and maybe try again. I have this fear that she may just forget me though. So I have two questions: 1. How long does it take to get over someone? (you can share your own experiences) 2. When would it be a good idea to try to get in touch again? I know that for number 2 most of you will say that it will never be a good idea and I know I should go NC and never look back. I know our relationship was rocky, but I still have hopes; our last months were absolutely amazing. 1st of all, you aren't doing full NC if you are stalking her online. You'll never get to #1 if you don't stop doing that. Reading social media and trying to decifer how she is feeling will keep you from not getting over it. Biggest lesson to learn is everyone takes different times to get over someone, but it's really how much effort you want to put in when moving on. The more effort you put in (not looking at social media, going complete NC, doing outside projects, etc), the better it gets. For what its worth, if you're still this deep with feelings with someone still, not a good idea to try and see someone else. Sadly, it really isn't fair to New person if you're still this hung up over ex. For #2 you nailed it...don't do it. Not saying it won't happen because 2nd chances DO happen. The successful ones usually happen when enough time has passed and both individuals are different people. That usually takes years...so for that reason, you have to leave it alone. Time heals wounds, but you can't change the past. Work on stuff you can control: you 1
Satu Posted June 1, 2016 Posted June 1, 2016 1. You're not really doing NC, just trying to kid yourself along that you are. 2. 'Seeing someone' so soon after a breakup is ridiculous. Spend some time alone, healing from the breakup and sorting yourself out. You and your ex both sound like pretty desperate people, to be honest. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 1
Author juniorrocha Posted June 1, 2016 Author Posted June 1, 2016 I know, my fault. It'd been a week since I last stalked. Sometimes it gets to my curiosity to see what she's up to. But right now I'm feeling a bit different. Since our break up, I would always lean on the thought that we had our problems but that someday we'd get back together after we healed them. Now I'm finally being able to see things in the way they are, I mean, she is a liar, cheater, never cared about our relationship that much in the first place and sex with her was pretty bad. I was always left wanting more. When I read that on her Twitter yesterday "that she's an amazing person I lost", at first I thought of her qualities, but then I was all "I guess if she was that amazing, I wouldn't have left". I see an improvement. Also, I filled my wall with notes of stuff to keep myself busy while I'm home and finished a big project last night. 1
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