nadine5 Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 A year and a half on and off. This is the sixth time he has broken up with me for various reasons. He has just recently introduced me to his mom and started calling me his girlfriend again. All good, right? Nope. He was acting a little distant.... and from our history I know what that means... so I went over to his house and started crying, which escalated into a fight... terrified he was going to dump me again, and could I please have a little reassurance? He is so cold. He dumped me on the spot. I'm devastated. I really feel like I've ruined everything when it was going well. I hate myself for this. 1
katiegrl Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 A year and a half on and off. This is the sixth time he has broken up with me for various reasons. He has just recently introduced me to his mom and started calling me his girlfriend again. All good, right? Nope. He was acting a little distant.... and from our history I know what that means... so I went over to his house and started crying, which escalated into a fight... terrified he was going to dump me again, and could I please have a little reassurance? He is so cold. He dumped me on the spot. I'm devastated. I really feel like I've ruined everything when it was going well. I hate myself for this. He has broken up with you six times in 1.5 years? I am so sorry you're hurting hon, but seriously girl, that's on you. Please don't ever allow this to happen again. A guy breaks up with you..... if he comes back give him ONE more chance, but that is it. Some women (and men if roles were reversed) wouldn't even give a second chance. Also, just so you can learn something from this experience, don't unload your insecurities on a man like that. It rarely, if ever, works out in your favor (i.e. giving you reassurance). It usually does the opposite, pushes him further away. So next time a man you are dating pulls away, YOU pull away... cry to your girlfriends. Again SO sorry you are hurting..... but hopefully lesson learned for the future. Trust me we have all btdt.... least I have. Take care and .... hugs 8
SomethingToSay Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Good lord child, youve got it in your mind that your value as a human being somehow hinges 100% on whether this man comsiders you his GF. This is a horribly destructive and damaging way to live. Who in their right mind would tolerate being broken up with 6x by a cold man?? In 18 months? Heres a thought -- dump him. Then focus on yourself. Get counseling. Get hobbies. Get friends. Get job and/or education. Once you have that, DECENT men will be interested in you. Ones that you wont have to beg and cry for them to love you. 7
Satu Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Sorry you're hurting. It's not all about your 'outburst.' There are fundamental flaws in the relationship, that keep on making it crash. Two questions: 1. What do you think those flaws might be? 2. Do you think that they could be resolved? 2
BlueIris Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 ... A guy breaks up with you..... if he comes back give him ONE more chance, but that is it. Some women (and men if roles were reversed) wouldn't even give a second chance. ... I agree. Tolerate more than twice and you're just living on a rollercoaster. 4
Buddhist Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 A year and a half on and off. This is the sixth time he has broken up with me for various reasons. He was acting a little distant.... and from our history I know what that means... could I please have a little reassurance? He is so cold. He dumped me on the spot. I'm devastated. I really feel like I've ruined everything when it was going well. I hate myself for this. Okay honey please listen. People who do this, punish you for having normal emotions are abusers. There was never anything you could do right because he was intent on pushing your buttons so he could dump you again. Right now, with you broken up, is the right thing. Trust me, it is. Things were not going well because it was on again, off again. Stop telling yourself things were going well. What he was doing was throwing breadcrumbs your way then purposefully triggering your insecurities in order to control you. Unless you aspire to being a lab rat, things were not going well. Now.....delete his number, block all access to you. Do NOT under any circumstances answer a call, text, email or anything. He WILL come back and that is not good news for you. It means he wants to keep dragging you through this emotional rollercoaster and that will destroy your sense of self and turn you into a nervous wreck. Stay away from all relationships for the next year at least and get some therapy for your neediness to be needed and wanted. 6
tayriley Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 (edited) first of all, realize you have very low self-esteem. no self-respecting person would let another keep breaking their heart over and over again. this is tantamount to being a battered wife. 'oh, but he loves me/cares about me' doesn't fly. look at his actions. stringing you along for a year and a half, breaking up and getting together when it is convenient for him? that is complete selfishness and lack of respect for you. and why should he respect you if you've taught him through your actions that it is ok to do whatever he wants? that no matter what, you'll always take him back? this person is NOT A GOOD PERSON. at the very least, he is extremely immature. you might love him and care for him, but he does not feel the same for you. if he did, he wouldn't withhold his feelings when you need him most. he wouldn't keep using you for emotional and physical comfort but not giving the same to you. it is PURE selfishness that he keeps stringing you along. he isn't sure what he wants, but you are around and willing, so why not use you? thank the gods that he has broken up with you this time, and once and for all, LET HIM GO. unfriend/unfollow on all social media, block his number, tell all your friends/mutual friends that you do not want to see him or hear about him and ask them to warn you if you are going to the same party/function so that you can avoid him. once you've done that, you need to work on yourself. i'm willing to bet there is a lot of childhood trauma that is causing you to seek out this kind of toxic relationship. maybe your parents had a tumultuous relationship. maybe you had a parent leave or die when you were young. talk to a counselor or therapist- face it so you can overcome it. figure out what you like in this world. outside of romantic relationships, what interests you? get some hobbies, make new friends, work out, learn guitar, volunteer. when you are doing something with your life- when you feel like you are accomplishing goals- even as small as being able to run a mile or play three chords on guitar, you will start to build the confidence in yourself that allows you to discern when someone is treating you unfairly. this last part is especially hard for me- once you see the truth of what an ass this guy was to you, try not to stay in the anger. realize that he is just a sick human being and just feel sorry for him. (this does not mean go be friends with him!) be grateful for the happy times but also come to terms with the fact that the two of you together is absolutely toxic and bad for your well-being. your well-being should be your number one goal from now on. remember this- you will never find happiness if you only see yourself through the lens of others. you have to validate yourself. be the kind of person that you would admire. Edited May 27, 2016 by tayriley 1
mortensorchid Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Whatever did/didn't happen that you are telling others on this thread, this isn't meant to be. It's time to move on. 1
Toodaloo Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 Nadine - it was not going well at all. He dumped you 6 times in 18 months? Thats every 12 weeks... The guy can hardly make it past a month with out throwing his teddies out of the pram. On top of all that you are clearly walking round on egg shells... My reassurance is this. If you stay away from this guy you will mend your broken heart and go on to find someone new who doesn't mess you about like this. You will not have to worry about being on a merry go round of emotion and you can just get on with enjoying life. Honey this is NOT what life is about. This guy is just not worth all this stress. When you are in a good relationship arguements do not matter because they clear the air. When you are in a good relationship no one thinks about leaving the other because they deal with issues as they come up and sort them out. When you are in a good relationship you do not feel fear, rejection, isolated... in a good relationship your emotional out burst would not have happened because you would have felt words like safe, in control, happy, content, loved, wanted, reassured... Do not go back to this guy even if he asks because I can tell you now in 4-12 weeks you will be feeling all this all over again and that is not good nor productive. So cry. Let out the hurt. Then dry your tears, call up your girl friends, paint your nails, do your hair, sign up to that dance class or fitness club or music lessons or conversational mandarin lessons that you have been wanting to do for ages but haven't done because you were frightened of what he would think... Your new beau will admire you for all the things you enjoy doing. He is out there waiting for you so stop wasting your time with idiots like this.
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