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Boron

By Boron
in General Relationship Discussion

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Boron New Member

Boron

Posted
Posted (edited)

Before my wife passed I promised I would take care of her kids. At the time they were my step children. So I am taking care of her kids as if they were my blood. Other than those I have none of my own.

 

I have been talking to a woman who has recently expressed interest in a long term relationship. We are on the same page.

 

However, here is the problem. Her child's father is also my children's Uncle. She wasn't married to him.

 

So if we were to get married in the future our children would be Brother and Sister... and cousins.

 

Now I share no blood relation with any of these people. So I see it as fine and at this point I will pursue this.

 

I am curious as to how others would see this. Do you think its wrong?

 

I'm unsure where to post this so pardon me if it is in the wrong place.

Edited by Boron
Miss Clavel Established Member

Miss Clavel

Posted
Posted
Before my wife passed I promised I would take care of her kids. At the time they were my step children. So I am taking care of her kids as if they were my blood. Other than those I have none of my own.

 

I have been talking to a woman who has recently expressed interest in a long term relationship. We are on the same page.

 

However, here is the problem. Her child's father is also my children's Uncle. She wasn't married to him.

 

So if we were to get married in the future our children would be Brother and Sister... and cousins.

 

Now I share no blood relation with any of these people. So I see it as fine and at this point I will pursue this.

 

I am curious as to how others would see this. Do you think its wrong?

 

I'm unsure where to post this so pardon me if it is in the wrong place.

 

your wife had a brother that had a wife and now the wife has you as her boyfriend?

 

how are your stepchildren and her child brother and sisters?

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Boron New Member

Boron

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My wife had the children of a pair of brothers.

 

Brother A produced two children which I am taking care of.

 

Brother B produced a child belonging to the woman that I have interest in.

 

So brother B would be my kids uncle making his child a cousin to mine.

 

So if we got together the would be step-siblings as well as cousins.

I should have explained myself better.

Poppyolive Established Member

Poppyolive

Posted
Posted

So, you just this out?

What do you think the kids would say/think?

How does your brother in law feel about this?

How would your deceased wife feel about this?

Why are you thinking about marrying her? How long have you been together?

 

In my opinion, I think it's a bit bizarre. A little to close for comfort.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted

2nd marriages involving kids already have a divorce rate of over 70%. Adding this issue of cousins, brothers, etc is going to increase that risk.

 

I listen to the calls all the time where people try to incorporate people they're dating into their kid's lives and it gets complicated.

 

Maybe it's better to just "date" each other till the kids are 18, up, and out. Kids don't need more drama/stress.

  • Like 1
alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted
Now I share no blood relation with any of these people.

^^^ this is the key

  • Like 2
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
^^^ this is the key

 

Then I guess my brother can have sex with his step daughter?

 

While blood isn't an issue, IMO, ties that make us "family" also have societal implications. Like if you adopted a kid. Are you gonna walk around annoncing your kid as "Mikey, my son" or "Mikey, my adopted kid"? Also, at 3am when that baby is crying at nite no one's gonna care where it came from...it's yours now.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted
Then I guess my brother can have sex with his step daughter?

sure, if they are of legal age and both consent. it happens all the time. remember woody allen

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
sure, if they are of legal age and both consent. it happens all the time. remember woody allen

 

What Woody Allen did was gross, IMO. One day you're changing your daughter's diapers and bathing her, in a few years you're having sex with her? Obscene and sick if you ask me. You don't violate boundaries like that, regardless of blood relationship or not.

  • Like 1
LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

Posted
Posted

I don't see it as a problem, OP, if you and your gf get along fine together and if the kids do, too.

 

I think it depends totally on how the adults and children involved get along which would be a consideration in combining any type of families at all.

  • Like 2
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Good on ya for taking on that big responsibility for your deceased wife's kids and my condolences for your loss.

 

IMO, as long as you and the lady in question are good to go, the kids stuff will work itself out. Blended family except they already probably know each other well.

 

How does Brother B feel about this? I presume he's still actively co-parenting? To me, that would be the main hurdle, getting all parents on the same page so the blend goes well.

  • Like 2
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

 

Brother A produced two children which I am taking care of.

 

Brother B produced a child belonging to the woman that I have interest in.

 

 

Why have they not met before? Are the two brothers not close?

 

I mean these kids are cousins NOW.

 

One would think they would already have met and have a RL with their cousins.

 

I have a RL with all my cousins. And see them on holidays etc. whenever the family gets together to celebrate.

 

Strange situation.

compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

Posted
Posted

It's strange, but there's nothing gross about it. And it makes no difference whether you are blood related to any of them. What matters is whether you, the woman and the kids can make it work.

 

Your concerns are mostly based on words and little else. Who cares whether they are blood related to each other? That might even make it easier, or cause them to feel more like siblings.

 

My aunt adopted a cousin, so her kids were adopted siblings of their cousin. Who cares? Why would this matter.

 

My only real concern would be whether the birth dads would make things difficult. Other than that, don't make an issue of it. There's nothing "icky" or even particularly weird about it.

  • Like 2
alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted
What Woody Allen did was gross, IMO. One day you're changing your daughter's diapers and bathing her, in a few years you're having sex with her? Obscene and sick if you ask me. You don't violate boundaries like that, regardless of blood relationship or not.

indeed, but it doesn't violate any laws :)

understand50 Established Member

understand50

Posted
Posted

Get married, and raise these children, you are a true father, and a real man.

 

I wish you and "yours" the best of luck.

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