nicetomeetu Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 hmmm... personally I don't think that her marriage is necessarily doomed. I don't think that it always matters how long you have known a person when you get married. I was with my ex for four years before cheated on me. I NEVER thougt he would do that. It took me four years to realize he was an idiot. My friend was married when she was 19 to a guy she knew for three months. They are VERY happily married, and have been for about five years. You never know how things will turn out. I think it's quite possible they could be a great couple. I think it just depends on their expectations of a relationship and marriage.
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme I'd say the same if it was a man and he met a woman who was rushing him into marriage. Yup. There's always a bad reason for a mad rush to marriage - it's not exactly a sign of sanity on either side. And commitments which are easily made are also easily broken IME You've given your opinion. The wedding bells drowned it out. Now you need to be the supportive friend and at her side in case it all falls down. Which, sadly, it probably will.
lvgrl Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 You know what?? WHO CARES, you never know till you try..Have you met someone and then a month later you were engaged? If not then you can voice your opinion on it, but cant tell her that its not going to work or its going to fail because its too soon.. Let her live a little, its her life and im sure she wants to cherish it being as its the only one shes got. And if it does fail then she learned from her mistake, and thats all you can do.. If you were in her position would you want someone breathing down your neck, or trying to tell you how to live your life??? Of course not, so why do it to her?
inhighwater Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Maybe I did not express my feelings clear enough about the situation. I am cool with that fact that my friend, Jan, is seeing this guy. I want her to continue to "SEE" him. I am very happy that she found someone. I just fear that this guy is a fake because he is pushing marriage so very early after just meeting her. I would think totally different of this if one of her family members or friends knew him or knew of him before she met him. K! Let me point some facts out: Very young man finds older established woman. Established woman that will jump feet first into a relationship and/or marriage with the fact of only knowing the guy for a couple of months. Jan has her own house which he is moving into. It belonged to a family member of hers. I am not positive if Jan now owns it or her parents. I don't ever remember her telling me that information and I don't remember ever asking about it. But if she does own it that I am afraid is a risk that she could lose it to this guy if he is a fake. And most likely he would not keep it but sell it for money. She has a good paying job and with the house that possibly has been given to her or even if her parents owned it, I am sure they ethier did not charge her for rent or if they did I am sure it was not as much as what you would pay for a house payment. So I am assuming that she has money saved up in a bank account or cd's. This guy could get married to her and in a year divorce her and get her house and sell it and take half of her bank account. Come on! At least I think he could take the house if she owns it. Does anyone know? This situation is every co-man's dream. Jan even told me that she would have had a summer wedding (this summer) but she thought that that was pushing it to get it all ready. I am not only worried about that fact of her feelings being hurt but also the fact that he could bankrupt her that is if he is a fake. But if she dates him long enough she may find out that he is a fake or she may find out that he is perfect for her. But if she dates him for a year she has a better chance of finding out what kind of person he really is before she marries him.
lvgrl Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 Sounds to me like you are more worried about your friends money than she is!
debs Posted July 5, 2005 Posted July 5, 2005 This sounds vaguely familiar to me! You maybe able to put a hint of doubt into her and hope she at least thinks about it late at night and it brews into a full thought and she sees the so called light! Unlikely but it is worth a shot! Be there for her and after you state your case let it go and just be her friend! She is the only one who can make this decision even in view if it ends badly everyone will stand by and help her sort through the mess!
crazy_grl Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by debs She is the only one who can make this decision even in view if it ends badly everyone will stand by and help her sort through the mess! Assuming she's alive that is... Sorry. I've been watching too many real life crime shows where the guy rushes a woman to marry him only to set her up with hefty life insurance then murder her for the money. Yeah, that might not happen and the chances are pretty slim, but the chances of her being married happily for the rest of her life are just as slim. It's not the amount of time she's known this person that makes me think the relationship will fail. It's that she sounds like a really niave, desperate, and needy girl. I don't think there's any way you can convince her out of the marriage without changing her way of thinking though. You'd pretty much have to be a psychologist to do that. But if she doesn't realize there's a problem, then there's probably little you can do but sit back and watch.
Pocky Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl I've been watching too many real life crime shows where the guy rushes a woman to marry him only to set her up with hefty life insurance then murder her for the money.
clandestinidad Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Yeah....you should do a little background check on this guy, for her sake. In my state, the Police depts put info on the internet, and it really doesnt cost much...some info is even free (like sex offenders). Or there's more expensive routes...but those dont cost much either anymore. Look at zabasearch.com and you can get more info for cheap. In my opinion its worth it, b/c most likely SHE hasnt checked him out!
Kat Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I had friends get engaged within 4 weeks of knowing each other (or was it 8??). They were maried 8 mths later and now 2 and half years on have a baby. Dont' be cranky that people move faster than you
lvgrly Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Are you Jealous that someone is happy in your life, and maybe your not?? Is that your reason for wanting everything about this guy and their relationship to fail?? If its not any of those, then for everyones plus your own sake...Get some help...
VirginiaBob Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I know people that have dated for only 2 weeks, got married on a whim, and have been happily together for 20 years. I also know people who dated for 10 years, then got married, and were divorced within 1 year.
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