Author wellimhere Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 i'm in some situation here . dating a woman for about 2 yrs now . last month she did a 360 on me .stopped answering my calls , stopped coming by , making plans just went ghost on me .theirs another guy i know and have known for the last month maybe . k last few times she stopped by i said straight out '' if theirs another guy just tell me shake my hand and leave '' her reply '' their is no other guy'' i told her who it was, where he lived etc .where she's been staying nights . she just can't be honest with me . we did no contact .then we met up talked some made plans to meet to honestly and openly talk [HA] she still can't come clean it's lies on top of lies.. we're not a couple no more i get it ,but don't try to keep me around by feeding lies to me when we do run into each other [ it's unavoidable in this town ] other than running into each other occasionally i'm not calling her , she calls sometimes i don't even answer .told her unless you can tell me the truth to what i know don't call .her telling wont change anything . i just want to hear the truth from her just once , maybe cause it's hard for her to do and that would give me some sort of satisfaction . cause i sure have been feeling like HELL over this constantly
bummer Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) May I humbly suggest you read and re-read the NC threads or threads by Satu and try to stick to it? Your posts seem frantic, anxiety filled, and largely unhealty. This cycle of back and forth you have with the ex is destructive. Get a grip, go NC. Post more frustrations here. Remember 180 goes the opposite direction. If she did a 360 then the original relationship was the same direction and same as now which sounds awful. Edited June 14, 2016 by bummer clarity 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 You really need to just block her. Your healing hasn't begun and you're not doing yourself any favours by allowing her any access to you. Most of who have been left for someone else never really get the full truth. You need to let go of that. Closure will come from inside you, not from her.
Author wellimhere Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 K i know fully the no contact thing , i followed it for a little over 2 weeks . it was difficult BUT now it cool i can see her , hear her lies cause i know she's full of crap ACTUALLY when we run into each other [ which is un avoidable out here ] i think '' cool i'll be entertained for a few '' wanting her back NOPE , she wants to be ''friends or friendly towards me '' we're defiantly NOT friends . she attempts to find out what i'm doing , or have going on .i simply tell her ''don't you have a boy friend to talk to'' and laugh .it bugs her but oh well . she cheated, lied ,never broke up with me [ their was no talk ] she tried to hide it and FAILED MISERABLY . I just changed my mind se is all '' she don't want to be with me , her choice'' i just know her looking me in the eyes and coming clean would tear her up inside [ good catholic woman goes to church on sundays and all ] everytime i see her i say '' you still think i don't know what's going on , just admit it shake my hand and walk away '' BUT she can't be an adult . I really just don't appreciate being lied to , to my face outside or in my home is all and that's what bugs me . gonna be a bit hard for her to deny it when i approach her and the new guy together and say ''hi hows it going , you gonna introduce me to you boy friend here.'' that'll be hilarious seeing her face and her squirming .
bummer Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 K i know fully the no contact thing , i followed it for a little over 2 weeks . I don't think you really understand the NC thing. It goes until you're indifferent to whether she's dating your best friend or a stranger. The point is so you don't get hung up on little things or receive new triggers which keep you from getting to indifference. Please try NC from today until you can't remember her name for weeks on end. That's when you stop following it. No one likes to be lied to point blank. Keep voicing this anger here. Get it all out! But pretend she's a stranger now in real life. You don't care if a stranger lies to you because you won't likely remember them and its of no consequence to your life. Your ex is no longer a contribution to your life. Her life, lies, everything are of no consequence to you anymore. Be the bigger man, talk this out with a friend, keep venting here, just don't text her, don't look out the window for her, block her and move onwards. Stay strong. 1
Author wellimhere Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 i get and fully understand the no contact tried it ,isn't for me can't work where we live we run into each other .i'm not giving her the finger or spitting at her when i see her , i wave she walks over i stay for a couple of min whatever she says doesn't bother me in the least [ she's my entertainment ] i tune her out mostly , she can be dating my best bud , the football team whatever. the love and feelings i felt towards her are diminished .i changed my mind set . she doesn't want to be with me , then that's that . i'll never not remember her name ,or what we done that's a fantasy world she is a stranger to me basically she defiantly isn't the woman i fell for . we defiantly don't text , face book, tweet or anything else i don't look for her anywhere just happen to spot her [ usually she spots me first ] the relationship is DEAD . her admitting she' a lier and a cheater would just be pleasure for me [ good church going christian woman HA ] will i ever hear it or anything of any significance from her probably not BUT i get pleasure knowing i have it in her head and her knowing she didn't fool me
Blanco Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Assuming she doesn't have a gun to you, you can wave and say, "Hello," and keep moving when you see her. You are way too preoccupied with avenging what's happened to you and it's only keeping you stuck. 2
Author wellimhere Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 lol if she had a gun , i'd be dead probably .i don't walk away cause i give respect always someone wants a min of my time i'm not so important that i can't hear what they want to say [ lies or not ] i can tune things out though [ and have ] as for being stuck i'm not i go out i do what i need i meet people etc . she is nothing more than a memory a faded one i think of our past as some old time movie i seen somewhere . i'm not avenging anything , i'm not fighting for anything i'm just living the whole no contact concept is great in theory BUT when you can toss a baseball and have it land in your ex's yard then theirs an issue ,when theirs limited stores around and gas stations then theirs the issue .i'm not going to re arrange my schedule or patterns so i don't run into her why would i ? i'm not in hiding and certainly don't care if her seeing me brings up old feelings or whatever. if she can't be an adult to me that's her free will .i don't play school yard games ignore her , or don't talk to her etc . after i see and hear her i usually have a smile cause i know what she says is bull .it's all a game with her , with me it was just change the mind set quicker i did the quicker i moved on .was tired of sleepless nights, not eating, anxiety over a woman it's soo not worth it we weren't married or had kids she's just one out of a billion theirs plenty more like her and plenty that aint no one said life would be easy right well i learned
LD1990 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Yesterday you said you feel like hell constantly. Now you're saying you have a smile on your face after you see her and your mindset is completely changed? You've been making excuses for weeks to drag this out. First you want to hear the truth from her even though you know that won't happen, but that justifies staying in contact with her. Now you still have conversations with her when you see her because you always hear what people have to say. You're shooting yourself in the foot here for no reason.
Blanco Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 You say you don't play "schoolyard games," yet you've said... i simply tell her ''don't you have a boy friend to talk to'' and laugh .it bugs her but oh well gonna be a bit hard for her to deny it when i approach her and the new guy together and say ''hi hows it going , you gonna introduce me to you boy friend here.'' that'll be hilarious seeing her face and her squirming It's not game-playing to politely tell someone that you don't wish to be friends with them. You are under no obligation to stop and chat with this woman. No one is telling you to ignore her if you see her, but there's no reason why you need to do anything more than wave and keep moving by.
Author wellimhere Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 i did feel like HELL , at nights sometimes with the thoughts i still do BUT they pass and by me telling her [ when i've heard enough out of her mouth ] that she has a boyfriend to go talk to is just me showing her she didn't pull the wall over my eyes .no obligation here with her for anything that's why it's easier she bought up the '' were friends '' to me i laughed i said '' no way in hell ''and ''friends'' wouldn't do what your doing oh i wave BUT when she walks over to say hi and whatever else i just brace myself and say here comes the lies [ my entertainment ]actually she's more of a joke to me now i have NOTHING for her she gets a blank stare when he starts talking and mostly me just saying yea uh huh oh sure well see ya and she's usually like really that's how you're going to be and i smile and say i'm being me i just saw her a few minutes ago when i was coming in i waved she said hi [ she was on her way out ] i said ahh nice day today ,she just shot me a puzzled look OH and she can't call me my numbers been changed
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