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am I right to feel rejected?? would you if you were in my shoes? thanks

chumly

By chumly
in General Relationship Discussion

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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there is this man i have been communicating with that i met through an online dating site. we have not met in person yet because i have been out of town..anyway, we have both been sending each other pics of ourselves and I decided to do something a bit different and send him one of my less attractive pics figuring that it is best to be honest of how I look sometimes..he has told me that he would like me regardless of how I look because he likes my personality but at the same time he seemed eager to see the pic.

 

Anyway, I sent it to him in the form of a link but I got no response from him regarding it. The only thing he said was that the pic is not important to him at this point and that he does not need to see it. He has still tried to communicate with me since then and is still trying to romance me. However, I am a bit taken back that he has not really acknowledged my pic.I know it is not that great but thought he could find something good to say rather than just ignore it. I have not contacted him since.

 

The question that I have is...am I right to be annoyed by this? would you be just as upset? or am I being too sensitive? Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this

 

I would like to add one more thing..before you say I am being over sensitive i should also mention that he knows how sensitive I am about rejection. I also feel like the pic i sent him is probably the one that looks most like me..even though it is the less attractive one. I guess I am thinking if he does not like that pic..how is he going to like me in real life?? thanks for the responses.:)

Just a Guy Established Member

Just a Guy

Posted
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Hi Chumly, Sorry that you should feel slighted by a non comment about your pic by the guy you have been communicating with. Really speaking you need to chill a bit as they say and not be so hyper conscious about what others think of you. If you persist in being so touchy you and you alone will suffer the pain and consequences of such an attitude. The world is full of all kinds of people some kind some not so kind. One has to get used to being ignored or talked to rudely or snubbed in the course of one's life. Sensitivity of the kind you mention is not really healthy.

 

I take it from the tenor of your post that you are still young, maybe in your earlier or mid twenties. I may be wrong but if I am and you are closer to thirty or beyond you definitely have something to worry about. I wonder why you are sensitive? Is it because of something in your past? What ever it is, it is time for you to start developing a bit of a thick skin. That will stand you in good stead in the coming years. My advice? Be nonchalant about it. Cheers!

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Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

Posted
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Would you have a massive poo at your friends house then tell them that they have to go and taste the after smell because they have to accept you at your worst?

 

No?

 

Funny that.

 

Principle is exactly the same.

 

Most men want to date human beings and understand that sometimes we are not going to look our best.

 

Quit making a big deal of the fact that he is more interested in talking to you and finding out about you as a person rather than looking at your pictures...

 

Do you have any idea how many women have the exact opposite problem???

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chumly Established Member

chumly

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Just a Guy...thanks for the comments. yes, I suppose I am of a very sensitive nature. I have had some rough times in my life and have always had problems dealing with rejection but yet I want a relationship at the same time. Kind of a catch 22 I know but I am working on this issue of mine. Thanks so much for the input. it gives me alot to think about:bunny:

 

Toodaloo...thanks so much for your input too. I laughed at your analogy that you made. yes, I know this man said he does not care about my pics but yet he seemed extremely interested in having me send them. He also seemed preoccupied with asking about my looks initially when we first talked. He even said that he does not contact women he does not find attractive. He kind of backed away from all of this when he found out how sensitive I am too that kind of thing and how I dont approve of being so superficial. Now he is changing his tune. I guess the bottom line is that I am not sure how sincere he is when he says that my looks dont matter to him. I am less then convinced. Thanks so much for the input..I really appreciate it

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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I sent it to him in the form of a link but I got no response from him regarding it.

If you're communicating through the dating site, they may have blocked the message. Many dating sites disallow links in messages due to anti-spam mechanisms. So most likely he hasn't even seen the link and in fact is completely unaware that you tried to send it to him.

ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

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Yes, you're wrong to feel rejected by that. If you meet him and you get along, he will eventually see you looking less than your best anyway, but by then he will care enough about you as a person that it won't matter.

 

If a guy did that to me I would find it unpleasantly aggressive and challenging towards ME. I'd be insulted by the guys need to test me like that and by his lack of trust in me that I would be shallow enough to expect perfection every single minute of every single day.

 

Bad move in my opinion. You're lucky he's still speaking to you.

Toodaloo Established Member

Toodaloo

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Chumly have you even met this guy?

 

Seems like a lot of stress over someone if you haven't even met.

 

Fact of life is that some will like how you look some will not. Who cares? Its how you look and you only need to please a select handful not the masses. He has been asking for pics so he likes how you look in them.

 

Quit sending all the pictures and just meet the guy. Seems like a waste of time to just send a ton of pics when you could just meet...

 

I know this sounds awful but I have a sneaky feeling that when you do you will probably not fancy him anyway. Give this guy up. He should have asked you out by now and shouldn't be stalling like this.

 

I have never had a good date with men who ask for lots of pictures. In fact thinking about it I don't think I ever actually met any of them or had a date with one... Oh they would ask alright, then suddenly go quiet or flake.

NTV Established Member

NTV

Posted
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If I was talking to a chick on a dating site and she sent me an unattractive pic, my thoughts would be one of the follow:

"eh"

"why am I getting this?"

"WTF?"

"do what?"

"maybe I missed something"

"okay, recalculating... added 5% chance of being crazy.... applying to cost/benefit analysis of continued communication... analysis confirms to keep discussion going"

"do I respond to this? how? If I say it's not that bad then I might seem desperate, if I say it's bad I may offend, no win here... ignore"

"checking age again... not a teenager? confirmed adult... okay keep going"

<sigh>

"huh?"

big dog Established Member

big dog

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Regardless of what society has dictated, not everyone is that superficial. He may just be telling you the truth. He may or may not have looked at the pic and doesn't care one way or the other. Stop stroking out and give the guy a chance. Might just be a great guy.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted
there is this man i have been communicating with that i met through an online dating site. we have not met in person yet because i have been out of town..

 

Chumly, you are already too emotionally invested in someone actions/reactions when you haven't even met them...

 

You are already feeling rejected by someone who isn't technically real yet. That shows you are jumping the gun and need to dial back your expectations a LOT until you two actually start dating In Real Life.

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katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Posted (edited)

 

The question that I have is...am I right to be annoyed by this? would you be just as upset? or am I being too sensitive? Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this

 

I would like to add one more thing..before you say I am being over sensitive i should also mention that he knows how sensitive I am about rejection. I also feel like the pic i sent him is probably the one that looks most like me..even though it is the less attractive one. I guess I am thinking if he does not like that pic..how is he going to like me in real life?? thanks for the responses.:)

 

Agree with all other posters, but re what is bolded above....

 

I suppose it's your right to feel annoyed he didn't care for the unattractive pic you intentionally sent him... but frankly what did you expect?

 

Would you prefer he lie and tell you he thinks it's beautiful when clearly that isn't how he feels?

 

He is probably wondering why you sent it, what was your point?

 

Everyone knows we always don't look our best, but hell when we are first talking with someone and meeting them, we always wants to present ourselves in the best possible light.

 

Second bold, it is naive to think that just because you told him (or any guy) how sensitive you are to being rejected, that he won't reject you.

 

Come on now girl you know better.

 

Rejection is part of life, and no matter how sensitive we are to it, if a man loses interest he is going to reject you.

 

Again not sure what you expect. Him NEVER to reject you because he knows how sensitive you are to it?

 

Continue dating you even when he has lost interest because he knows how sensitive you are to being rejected?

 

This makes no sense.

 

Please don't ever tell another guy as long as you live how sensitive you are to being rejected. It just sounds really weak which is NOT an attractive trait.

 

NO ONE likes being rejected, but again it's part of life, it's going to happen no matter how sensitive we are to it.

 

Back to this guy, like I said I agree with others. The fact he is still communicating with you, after you intentionally sent him that unflattering photo speaks volumes.

 

Focus on that.

 

Best of luck.

Edited by katiegrl
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  • 2 weeks later...
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chumly Established Member

chumly

Posted
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thanks everyone for your thought on this. I really appreciate it. perhaps i was being too sensitive. You are right:laugh:

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted

OP, don't you have another thread going about the exact same thing?

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