katiegrl Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 OP I am sure she likes you fine, but perhaps she is simply not interested in a long distance relationship. I wouldn't either, many people wouldn't. Also why did you tell her you liked her, wanted to spend more time together, drive to hers, but not interested in a relationship? That would not sit well with me at all! You think telling her how you feel was a mistake? I think your mistake was offering to drive to hers (the implication being you will stay at her place = sex), and telling her you didn't want a relationship. That said, to appease your ego I do think she likes you, or did.
Gaeta Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 I think your mistake was offering to drive to hers (the implication being you will stay at her place = sex), and telling her you didn't want a relationship. . But does that mean 100% he was inviting himself over? His words were I am willing to drive to you. That could also mean drive to her area, no?
Author tyler78jones Posted May 26, 2016 Author Posted May 26, 2016 Whats wrong with asking what her opinion of me is
Ami1uwant Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 I assume she isn't comfortable or not ready for you to come see her because she thinks you will want to stay with her? At her place? Franky I would not be ready for that either. Can you offer to drive to hers but tell her you will stay in a motel? That you just want to take her out on a date? So that eventually she does feel comfortable? I agree she isn't ready for sex. Still he offers to meet up with her near her is not that unreasonable. I have dated about 90 minutes apart ( opposite end of a large metro area). For him to say drive 60-75 m8nuted to her for a date and she drives 25-30 is not unteasonable. It raises a red flag to me if she j7sts wants to date on her terms which then makes me think he isn't the only one. We're sees reversed many are here would say the guy is married or has a lived in boyfriend.
Gaeta Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Whats wrong with asking what her opinion of me is You just don't do that. It puts people on the spot. She had 3 dates with you THAT tells you she likes you, if she didn't like you she would not accept your date invitation. It comes across as insecure and looking for validation. The very beginning of a relationship is fragile and something like this could make a woman changer her mind about you. Women want a confident man. A man that knows he has something special to offer. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 I don't think you're communicating very well. You need to clarify with her whether she wants a relationship with you. You need to clarify whether she wants one now. You need to find out whether you can go up and see her, but not STAY WITH HER. Maybe, as others have pointed out, that's what she's not ready for. Maybe she does want to see you again, but she's not ready to jump in with both feet... The thing is, instead of talking to us - talk to her.
katiegrl Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 (edited) But does that mean 100% he was inviting himself over? His words were I am willing to drive to you. That could also mean drive to her area, no? Yes of course but that may not be how *she* interpreted it. He put what he wrote in quotes in his original post. He clearly said drive to her. And that was it. He should have been more clear, drive to her area, stay in a motel and take her out on a date. Long-distance relationships are hard. Lots of nuances and implications....and ambiguities. I dunno if a man told me he was interested in me, wanted to drive to me, but not interested in a relationship right now (but maybe later)....... I would definitely not feel comfortable with that...... Edited May 26, 2016 by katiegrl
Gaeta Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 I dunno if a man told me he was interested in me, wanted to drive to me, but not interested in as relationship right now (but maybe later)....... I would definitely not feel comfortable with that...... She could have interpreted like this. I agree with you that it was a faux-pas of his to say he's not wanting a relationship right now. I think he said that to not scare her off. He would have been better not mentioning anything and just say he wants to spend time with her to get to know her.
katiegrl Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 She could have interpreted like this. I agree with you that it was a faux-pas of his to say he's not wanting a relationship right now. I think he said that to not scare her off. He would have been better not mentioning anything and just say he wants to spend time with her to get to know her. I agree he probably said it so as not to scare her off, but we are objective observers. Put yourself in her shoes. She likes him, may feel a bit vulnerable because of that and he is announcing he doesn't want a RL right now. Wants to drive to her ..... (the *implication* in her mind being he will stay at hers)... i.e. sex. THAT is what she is not *ready for*. I agree he would have been better off saying what you suggested above .....
Buddhist Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 (edited) what the hell SHE HAS TOLD ME MULTIPLE TIMES SHE LIKES ME MULTIPLE SHE EVEN SAID IT AFTER I TOLD HER I LIKED IT yet somehow you guys interpret that she doesnt? wtf I understand your anger but better to learn this now. People lie. Yes they do. All the time. It's not just women, men do the exact same thing too. They lie because they don't want to give you what you want but they want what you give them. Therefore they are happy to tell you what you want to hear so they keep getting what they want from you. You will discover this is true in romance, friendships, work relationships, when you buy something, when you sell something, when you do someone a favour, when someone says they'll do you a favour and go missing in action when the time is right. This experience will dog you for all your days until you realise, not to trust anything that comes out of someone's mouth. People do this because we are taught that being 'nice' is better than being honest. In fact we are often punished for being honest with others, so we learn to be 'nice' about things and say what we don't mean as a way to maintain social etiquette. I'll give you an example. I worked in a large company with many workers. It shocked me to discover that people would call someone 'lovely' when they really meant the person was the bitch from hell and to be avoided at all costs. It's true. They said that because they didn't want to harm their own workplace reputation. That's the moment when I realised that society is built on lying. That is where our assumption that she's putting you off is coming from. Now of course it's your situation and not ours. You asked our opinion and we gave it. What you do now is up to you. Best of luck. Edited May 26, 2016 by Buddhist
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