Fabianguy Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Hey, guys. I'm new to this, but I'd really like some honest and frank advice. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible... I'm a 26 year old gay guy who came out of a 4 year relationship in January this year. It took its toll on me because I was systematically cheated on, but I've since realised the main issues were his and not mine, although I'm sure i wasn't blameless. Anyway, I knew months before that the relationship was over, although the process took its toll on me emotionally as I say. I've been in counselling since and I've learnt (and unlearnt) an awful lot about myself during. My main issue is that I started chatting to this other guy at the end of February. We hit it off and got on really well. We chatted for a few weeks until we finally met for drinks in March. There was chemistry and we really enjoyed ourselves. This guy then pulled out of our second date citing reasons of uncertainty, and I accepted it. A day or two later he got back in touch and we started things up again. We had drinks at his, had such a laugh and ended up sleeping together. That was the start of a few very passionate weeks. He seemed pretty vulnerable and was worried about getting hurt. He kept saying that he wasn't expecting to meet anyone, he'd been single for almost a year and was only starting to know himself again before I came along... I then started to find myself opening up to him. I think, in as non-dramatic a way as possible, I started to fall for him. But at the same time, I think my insecurities started coming to the fore. That's when he started to pull back... We chatted, and long story short he said he'd realised he wasn't in a position to be there for me in the way I needed because of his own issues... So I pulled back and that was more or less it. We to'd a fro'd a little bit before it got messy and he said I wasn't going to get any progress with him because we seemed to work differently and that "maybe shows we wouldn't work". So a couple of weeks ago I took stock of the situation, thought it over for a couple of days and decided to remove him from Facebook. I thought it was the healthiest thing for me to do the time to try and heal. Although we weren't in contact at that stage, I noticed that he'd blocked me on WhatsApp. That kind of hurt, but I understood. Now it would seem that he's unblocked me on WhatsApp, although there's still been no contact from him. In my head I know that I need to get on with things and stop obsessing... But I did feel we had a connection that wasn't properly explored because of worry...i suppose I'm wondering why he's unblocked me. Should I leave the situation with no contact? It's all a bit complicated, so any more seasoned advice would invaluable. Thanks for taking the time to read this, guys. I really appreciate your time!
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Go complete No Contact. See the Guide link in my signature. Move on.
Buddhist Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 In my head I know that I need to get on with things and stop obsessing... But I did feel we had a connection that wasn't properly explored because of worry...i suppose I'm wondering why he's unblocked me. Should I leave the situation with no contact? It's all a bit complicated, so any more seasoned advice would invaluable. Thanks for taking the time to read this, guys. I really appreciate your time! It's hard when you feel that something is there and then it all just turns to ****. Seemingly over nothing much too. I guess what you have to take away from this is that both of you (not just you but him too) were reacting to each other instead of truly becoming intimate. You did something that spooked him, he did the same and before you know it you're both backing out of the corral, guns drawn and watching each other for the slightest twitchy move. It's super frustrating. Leave the situation with no contact. He's probably just re-thought his position of going all out with the blocks. Maybe he thinks he's been a bit over-doing it. But if you rush in now and contact him he may very well just re-block you. You're both like a couple of spooked horses, so for now just chill and leave things as they are. Let both of you get comfortable again. He may contact you again, or he may not. Either way don't put your life on-hold for this guy. A better one may be around the corner for you. Even though you got therapy, 3 months (really 6 weeks when you first met) is hardly any time at all single. Certainly not long enough to fully process a betrayal like cheating.
Author Fabianguy Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 Buddhist, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me with as much thought as you did. It really helps to talk! I know what you're saying is right, and I'll try to deal with this as well as I've dealt with the initial break-up with my long term boyfriend. I hope you know just how touching it is to have a stranger give you the time you've given me . All the best!
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