BrainMangler Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Hi, Background I became single the end of January after I ended a 5 year relationship with my ex. I haven't been single in a long time so I decided to give Tinder and Okcupid a shot. By march I started talking to a new girl that I met on Tinder. At first I didn't really like this girl as she was a tattoo artist (I don't have any tattoos) but I decided to take a chance and I'm glad I did. Basically I was pleasantly surprised; She was conservative, anti-feminist, didn't drink a lot, was in good shape, intelligent, and very feminine and caring. She had also gotten out of a long relationship about a year prior which also was 5 years so she knew what I was going through and had similar relationship experience. I’m 25 and she’s 21 which is the same age as my ex so I feel comfortable trying to date her. We hung out every weekend and even during the week sometimes going to art festivals, out for sushi, movies, her place, my place, bars/coffee shops. I felt like we were moving more towards a relationship. There was one problem though which is that she is basically socially retarded. Basically this girl is glued to her phone constantly, with instagram, facebook, and snapchat (I noticed a lot of other girls we're like this and didn't like talking on the phone and had trouble keeping up a normal conversation). Whenever she would come over, her phone would always be lighting up with notifications. I didn't say anything about it because we weren't dating and were basically FWB. She also HATES when I would call her, even if it was for like 2 minutes to tell her I'm heading over or whatever. Basically I stopped attempting to call her because I didn't want to hear her make up a fake excuse or deal with her ignoring my call. About a month into seeing her regularly I bring up the topic of her being my girlfriend to which she basically responded too soon. After about a month I would think you would know if you wanted to date someone so i'm guessing she was just letting me down easy. The Issue Anyways about 2 weeks ago she stops initiating texts and basically it falls on to me to initiate things. Her responses were also a bit shorter than normal. When I would come over she used to give me a kiss first thing, but stopped doing this. Basically I'm not sure if there is another dude or if she is just comfortable with me texting first. I'm leaning towards shes losing interest and may have found another dude, but she still continues to hangout and have sex with me. I stop texting as much and wait just as long as it takes her to reply before I do. So basically one night we're texting and we make plans to hangout the next day, she starts also mentioning how she's mad and had a bad day and texting me about it. I respond with "I would call you and cheer you up.. but you hate when I call you". Note I didn't actually call her. She goes radio silent, I hit her up with a simple "hey" the next day after I get off work. Still nothing. Next day I text her again saying "not sure if your mad at me but.. I miss you". She responds saying "I'm not mad I don't like the guilt tripping. That makes me mad. I don't know you well enough to talk to you when I'm mad so I just don't". I'm thinking wtf this girl was texting me about why she was mad, and I DIDN'T call her, just simply told her that I wasn't going to call her. In this case I wasn't sure if I was wrong so I said "Sorry" and she didn't reply. It's been a day and neither of us has text the other. I don't think this is salvageable but I wanted to ask for someone else's opinion. I'm thinking of just ignoring her for a week and if she doesn't reply just delete her number and find another girl.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Basically, Ignore. Move on. It's dead. (She's 21? Just come out of a 5-year relationship? Which means it began when she was 16...?) Yeah. She's doing exactly what a girl of her age and attitude SHOULD be doing. Trust me, she is NOT 'socially retarded'. She's being a free bird, enjoying the scenery, exploring new horizons, people and experiences. She's not 'serious dating material' and quite right too. Far too young to be thinking seriously of committing and being exclusive. As, actually, are you. This? I felt like we were moving more towards a relationship. I'd shelve any plans of this kind until you're at least 28. By that time, you'll meet a young lady of around 23 - 25, who will be on a more level playing-field with you, maturity- and objective-wise. 3
Buddhist Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 I respond with "I would call you and cheer you up.. but you hate when I call you". Note I didn't actually call her. Well to be honest this does come across a bit manipulative. I don't think this is salvageable but I wanted to ask for someone else's opinion. I'm thinking of just ignoring her for a week and if she doesn't reply just delete her number and find another girl. Probably not. Just walk away now.
Author BrainMangler Posted May 26, 2016 Author Posted May 26, 2016 Done. Deleted her number. On to the next one. This thread can be deleted. Thanks
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Done. Deleted her number. On to the next one. This thread can be deleted. Thanks It won't be. Threads never are. But glad you saw sense. No go out, enjoy yourself, date, be free. But shelve fixed ideas of finding a forever yours partner, right now.
Author BrainMangler Posted May 26, 2016 Author Posted May 26, 2016 I prefer relationships over banging a different girl every week. Less energy wasted and less chance to get a disease. Thanks mate 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Shame - and very revealing - that you associate going out, socialising enjoying yourself, dating and meeting different people (of both genders) as 'banging a different girl every week'. I suggested nothing of the kind. Who says that would entail finding a new girl every week and having sex with her? (Though of course, if you want to do that, there's nothing wrong with it at all....) It shows a disdain for the general female population, while yet, you wish to establish a permanent relationship with a special SO'. Mixed message.... Bit immature if you ask me.... 2
Author BrainMangler Posted May 26, 2016 Author Posted May 26, 2016 Nothing against women who do that. It's just my personal choice to choose a relationship over something casual (and inevitably frequent). I would rather put the energy towards my career. Thanks m8
joseb Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 If there was one single piece of advice I'd give my 25 year old self, it would be to not get into a serious relationship until I am at least 30. Oh to be able to time travel.... 1
Author BrainMangler Posted May 27, 2016 Author Posted May 27, 2016 Honestly I don't want anyone to get bad advice from this thread. I've had a few days to mull over the details of the situation and I've come to my own conclusion. I'm going to say the moral of this story is to NOT ask a girl to be your girlfriend.. I don't know what I was thinking there. I might have been able to get away with that when I was younger (and social media wasn't as prevalent in the dating world as it is now giving girls endless options) but I spooked her mentioning that she should just be my girlfriend after only six weeks of dating her. I guess I'm just used to taking the initiative doing whatever I want, but I should have let her bring it up. The rest of the time we spent together was dialed, but I came off as needy in this case and it was enough to make her lose interest and next me. She probably thought there was something fishy about me going straight for the kill (without making her work too hard for it), not realizing that I'm very picky and I know what I like. The advice brought up by bond is decent advice I suppose, although thirty might be too late to BEGIN looking for a serious relationship if your a guy, Of course if kids aren't on the agenda then do whatever you like. Remember the best ones get picked off quickly. I graduated from university a few years ago and couldn't believe how many girls were engaged or already married before even graduating. My cousin graduated from Med school right around 31-32 I believe. His first two attempts at marriage failed, and by the time he got to the third attempt, they could no longer have kids due to her age.
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 30 is not too late to being looking for a relationship. Plus you are only 25. You haven't even been out of your 5 year relationship for 6 months yet. It may be too early to tie yourself down. I understand you prefer relationships to casual but you really do need to be choosy when selecting a GF. You pretty much jumped into OLD 90 days after you broke up & asked the 1st woman you met to be your GF. Way too fast. Take your time & find the right person. Anybody who can't pick themselves out of an electronic device to pay attention to the person in front of them is a problem. You knew that but you ignored it because you were so desperate to have another relationship. Give yourself some time so you can make the right decision.
lilmissjava Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 It's probably best if you let on in the online dating world what it is you are looking for and date those whose intentions are clear and on the same page as yourself. Can't leave out the fact that Tinder is widely regarded as a hookup app. If you're not into casual, maybe that app isn't for you. I am thinking the girl is enjoying freedom from the reins of a relationship and justifiably so, especially after 5 years and only 21 years old. Good luck! 1
Buddhist Posted May 27, 2016 Posted May 27, 2016 (edited) Honestly I don't want anyone to get bad advice from this thread. I've had a few days to mull over the details of the situation and I've come to my own conclusion. I'm going to say the moral of this story is to NOT ask a girl to be your girlfriend.. but I spooked her mentioning that she should just be my girlfriend after only six weeks of dating her. Glad you've come to your own conclusion. Not sure about that last bit. It seems to me that's pretty trivial one way or the other. There were more likely other issues not readily apparent to us randomers on the internet that caused it. Edited May 27, 2016 by Buddhist
Zippy2000 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 " "I would call you and cheer you up.. but you hate when I call you"." Is she using this as a guilt trip? Conducting relationships by text is difficult. Back in my day before mobile/cell phones. We did everything in person. No misunderstandings by reading a text wrong and we worked harder on relationships. Theres nothing wrong with not contacting her for a week. If she was interested she would come back to you. If not, I d let it go.
SugarLips72 Posted June 2, 2016 Posted June 2, 2016 Sounds like you were a little smitten. That's ok. This girl is immature. If she is on her phone all the time she has built up this fake, pseudo online persona and that's not good. That is why she is not social because all her relationships are online. She will eventually grow up and get sick of it. You are too mature for her.
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