sickoflove11 Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 So there's this guy I talked to for a few months, went on a date or two, but then found out he's the player type who's just looking for a hook up. I still had feelings for him, but didn't want a relationship from him at that point so a few weeks after we stopped talking we were at a bar with friends which later led to us having sex. Not really a big deal except he made it kind of awkward after just by the way he acted. I'd be find with never seeing him again, but we have mutual friends so we still have to see each other sometimes. The problem is, I get super shaky and nervous whenever I see him. Recently he's come into my work twice in the last couple weeks (I work at a coffee shop that he used to work at). I find myself getting short of breath, I can't even touch anything because I'm shaking like a leaf, its hard to talk to him because my voice is also shaky. I'm scared my face turns red, and I have no idea why. It's like when you have a crush on someone except I can honestly say I don't. I'm somewhat still attracted to him but I wouldn't call it a crush. I certainly don't feel happy or excited to see him. I hate that he makes me feel like this. It got a little better as we talked I sort of calmed down. I'm still a little shook up right now that it's hard to type. And this was over 2 hours ago. Why do I get like this?! Idk what to do to calm down when I first seem him. I just run away and try to breath.
CalipsoRose Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Sounds like he's triggering the fight or flight response in you, basically means you're really stressing out every time you see him, he's a trigger for you at this point. Probably just because you really liked him at one point and you might feel he used you and you'd rather not see him again. Simple as that. Who cares what he thinks? He's not special, he's not better than you, he's not a prince charming, he doesn't have more power over you. He's a regular person. You might have put him up on a pedestal. Or maybe you just really dislike seeing him. Either way, convince yourself its not a big deal. Because in a year from now, you won't care anyway - so don't care now. 3
Author sickoflove11 Posted May 26, 2016 Author Posted May 26, 2016 Yeah I've never been involved with someone like him before and I'd rather not ever see him again because it definitely does trigger something in me! I think you're exactly right though. I did put him on a pedestal and then I realized all the bad qualities about him which has helped me get over him and helped me realize all the things you just said. I feel like I already don't care about him anymore, but when I see him my body acts differently and it sucks...
Toodaloo Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 You can control your own emotions and reactions. Take deep breaths and calm yourself down when you see him. Do you panic when you see other people you know? When all this starts try to think logically and calm yourself. There is no need to run. If need be walk to the other room but do not run... You do not want to see him again, your body is not reacting to him its reacting to something going on in your head. So time to relax the mind and the body will also relax... 1
Buddhist Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 The problem is, I get super shaky and nervous whenever I see him. Recently he's come into my work twice in the last couple weeks (I work at a coffee shop that he used to work at). I find myself getting short of breath, I can't even touch anything because I'm shaking like a leaf, its hard to talk to him because my voice is also shaky. I'm scared my face turns red, and I have no idea why. Why do I get like this?! Idk what to do to calm down when I first seem him. I just run away and try to breath. Those are classic anxiety symptoms and a fear response. Who knows why he triggers those, I had the same thing happen with a guy I met as well. Truth be told I ended up with PTSD over it. It got severe for me. Here's what you do. Fear feels horrible in the body, it feels like heat rising, sometimes in waves that go head to toe and is often accompanied by an irrational desire to flee and impending sense of doom. When it becomes overwhelming you exit the body into your mind and you get the shaking response. You can always feel fear creeping up on you though. And the worst part is anticipating it, that's what makes you panic. The only way to conquer it is to stay present in it. Nothing more than some horrible and unfamiliar feelings in your body is going to happen. I spent hours sitting in my body and learning to not flee into my head and panic through intense fear responses like these. When you stay present, focus on the sensations, do not distract yourself or allow yourself to flee by going into your mind, you soon lose the panic from experiencing fear. But it's really hard to stay in it the first few times. The worst thing about anxiety is that it latches onto any convincing story it can find to get you to panic. I thought everything in those moments from impending cardiac arrest, to anaphylaxis, to having a stroke and none of it was true. When you start hearing a story in your head, that's your cue to drop the story. Once you do that you can stay present in your fear and keep control of your body.
Author sickoflove11 Posted May 26, 2016 Author Posted May 26, 2016 You can control your own emotions and reactions. Take deep breaths and calm yourself down when you see him. Do you panic when you see other people you know? When all this starts try to think logically and calm yourself. There is no need to run. If need be walk to the other room but do not run... You do not want to see him again, your body is not reacting to him its reacting to something going on in your head. So time to relax the mind and the body will also relax... I guess I just have to learn how then. I do try to do those things and eventually it gets a little better but it hits me so quick in the beginning when I first see him. I do get this sometimes with other people but very much less severe. I've never noticed shaking like this. It sort of happened when our district manager came in and asked to talk to me. Or when someone unexpected that I know comes in and catches me off guard. I have been diagnosed with anxiety but the meds I took messed up my body so I'm scared to try another kind. And I guess I didn't mean literally run, I do walk, but my immediate reaction is to get out of that room fast! When I walked away yesterday, he called my name to come back so I tried to calm myself while I was away. I think that helped a little.
Author sickoflove11 Posted May 26, 2016 Author Posted May 26, 2016 Those are classic anxiety symptoms and a fear response. Who knows why he triggers those, I had the same thing happen with a guy I met as well. Truth be told I ended up with PTSD over it. It got severe for me. If you don't mind me asking, do you have anxiety? And if you do, did you just learn to deal with it or do you take anything? Rx or like vitamins even? I am considering going back on meds but last time they messed my body up so I'm scared to try anything else. I really would love to just be able to deal with the anxiety on my own. Also, I'm sorry you went through something similar too! It's definitely not a fun feeling and I appreciate your advice.
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