3 years on

[waverider11]

Hi all

Hope someone can help....I'll try and make this brief as possible-

 

I've been separated for 3 years from a 10 year relationship, it was a really loving, happy relationship with a very humble caring woman, we also had a long history between us being close friends at school.

 

Unfortunately during the 10th year together we fell out to due to a combination of small issues not being resolved,in the heat of the moment it was thrown away, her doing a uni course that year also she seemed to lose the ability to work through issues, she ran away from the breakup and refused to communicate, it was gut wrenching and here we are 3 years later its still left open as it was the day it happened. Craziest thing is the day we fell out she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me (she said this regularly and always told me how happy she was) no cheating involved at was almost the perfect relationship.

 

I can see now maybe she didn't have the capacity to deal with it at the time. So' I'll get to the point - ever since we separated I've stayed humble, kept quiet tried to reconcile but it didn't work. She literally shut down, so I decided to carry on with my life no longer communicating to her family or friends. Since 2 weeks after we separated each time she has seen a family member or friend of mine she will go out of her way to talk to them, in bars, shops, fuel stations, she will collar them and tell them how happy she is, how great her life is seeing friends all the time etc, but apparently when she does this she's a completely different person to who they knew for 10 years, they say it's really out of character as if she is acting..

 

Can anyone please help me understand why she does this messenger thing, it happened again only a few days ago... we're in our mid 30's now

i can't understand why after 3 years she still needs to do it? ..many thanks hope my story makes sense

Edited May 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[fixing]

From what I can gather, she is trying to get the message across to you indirectly (through your family/friends) that she is doing just fine without you...

 

This is an ego thing. She is clearly annoyed/hurt that you seemingly have moved on.

 

After 10 years, one would expect that you both would still have residual feelings for eachother after spending a decade of your lives together.

 

But, tbh man, 3 years is a long time since you broke up with her. I think you need to continue moving forward in your life and ask your family and friends to not tell you about her 'news' anymore.

[waverider11]

thanks man makes a lot of sense

 

 

 

 

From what I can gather, she is trying to get the message across to you indirectly (through your family/friends) that she is doing just fine without you...

 

This is an ego thing. She is clearly annoyed/hurt that you seemingly have moved on.

 

After 10 years, one would expect that you both would still have residual feelings for eachother after spending a decade of your lives together.

 

But, tbh man, 3 years is a long time since you broke up with her. I think you need to continue moving forward in your life and ask your family and friends to not tell you about her 'news' anymore.

[Satu]

Hi all

Hope someone can help....I'll try and make this brief as possible-

 

*I've been separated for 3 years from a 10 year relationship

 

Three years isn't a separation. It's a complete termination.

 

See it that way and behave accordingly.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[ForeverAlone2016]

I may be completely wrong about this (I apologise if I am), but often people portray themselves as being 'completely over it' when they are exactly the opposite. If she was really over it then I doubt she would be wanting to talk to your family and friends. She would not care about it at all. It may be her indirect way of being close to you without actually there.