PursuitofPeace Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 (edited) I'll try to keep this brief... met a guy on a dating app for drinks and hit it off. Great chemistry, 5 hours of conversation, a hug and kiss on the cheek goodbye. He waited 3 days to text me to say he had a great time, then said he'd call about doing it again. Second date didn't happen for 3 weeks because of my schedule with being in 2 weddings and his work travel schedule. But the 3rd date was awesome... went to a comedy show and had cocktails... he paid, complimented me on how pretty i was, very gentlemanly etc. We had a hot steamy makeout session on the corner at 3 AM which was really promising.. So 3rd date rolls around (but not for a week cuz he was busy, but we were texting and talked on the phone), and we go out to dinner and... basically seal the deal. It was awesome! He was very affectionate, touchy feely, complimentary etc. but didn't stay over. That was Sunday. Then last night we went to a baseball game and had a ton of fun and had sex again but he didn't sleepover again which sorta irritated me. He's a really busy guy, workaholic type, but also has an active social life and just got out of a 4 yr relationship about 6 months ago. I've recently gotten out of a 3 year relationship with a live-in boyfriend that destroyed my self esteem and has made me feel so removed from dating etc., but I actually really like this guy. I was just sorta looking for something to distract me and numb the pain, but of course, now i have caught feelings! So.. basically, he isn't a texter/doesn't initiate contact every day which annoys me and makes me feel insecure cuz most guys walk to be in touch all the time at this stage of dating. He hasn't spent the night after sex 2x, but then when we hang out he is super complimentary and talks about plans for dates in weeks or months in the future... I know I sorta jumped the gun on the physical part, but am just trying to figure out if this is just a sex thing for him or potentially more. Is it normal to not hear from a guy every day at this stage? I'm about to go on vacation for 10 days so I'll have some built in distance, but i'd like to talk to him regularly and see where this goes if possible... Edited May 25, 2016 by PursuitofPeace
smackie9 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 If you keep going out doing things together, then no it isn't just about sex, it's abouit getting to know one another. Communication is key. If you like him, then tell him, if you see a future with him, then tell him, if you want more communication between the times you are not together then tell him. If he doesn't want anything to do with that, then you have your answer on where this is going. He isn't a mind read you have to discuss these things. 1
Dork Vader Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Well you're both having a good time and enjoying each others company. It does not sound like it's just physical. If it was just physical the dates would be different, I doubt he'd spend as much money. I also doubt he'd have been as patient with seeing you and the dates. Just because he is busy does not mean, he is not interested. The guy just got out of a long relationship, he's going to do things he's been wanting to do. He's also going to focus on solid friendships and socializing. It's a health thing for him to be doing. It does not mean he is pursuing other women or anything of that sort. He's just not putting all his eggs into one basket (you). That should make you happy and it is extremely healthy. If you'd like more time with him then see if lunches or other things work. I did not start staying the night at my girl friends place until we had been dating nearly a month. It's not the end of the world, he's just taking things slow. Have fun with the relationship as it is NOW and enjoy the relationship for what it is now. All of that other stuff will mature and happen with time.
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 You have to get to know each other's communication styles. Personally at the stage you are at, I'd go crazy & dump some guy as a cling-on if he tried to be in touch with me on a daily basis. With text messaging I understand that many people do want that level of contact. If you want exclusivity, it's better to have that conversation before sex, especially when you have sex as early as you did. Because you had sex so soon, he doesn't think you need or require a whole big talk about it now. I'd see how things progress & if you see them deepening in a month or two then have the conversation. For you to have it now, he's going to feel pressured & duped unless he brings it up 1st. I'm of the mindset that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." 2
SomethingToSay Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 (edited) He likes you but not for a long term serious relationship. I know so many guys like this. They have short term quasi relationships. They go on dates, are romantic, and have sex. But it rarely lasts more than a month or two then they fizzle out. So no its not purely a sex thing. Its a no-commitment dating thing. Actually tho some will even be fine being exclusive during the fling (since u are meeting their sexual needs) but they have no intention of a long term relationship or commitment at this time. Once you push for more, or conflict starts, or someone new comes along....it basically ends. So i would not get too invested emotionally with this one at all. The fact he is having sex and then leaving after is a very bad sign Edited May 25, 2016 by SomethingToSay 1
Author PursuitofPeace Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 So no its not purely a sex thing. Its a no-commitment dating thing. Actually tho some will even be fine being exclusive during the fling (since u are meeting their sexual needs) but they have no intention of a long term relationship or commitment at this time... The fact he is having sex and then leaving after is a very bad sign This is kinda the gut feeling I'm getting from him, but I am also not trusting my instincts since my last disastrous relationship! So is there anything I can do at this point to try to salvage hope for something more serious? I mean, I'm going to try not to overthink things and just enjoy the fun company, but it's hard to do when I'm feeling like he's not going to stick around...
SomethingToSay Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 No there is nothimg you can do to chameg his mind if he isnt lookimg for that. You need to ask him what his goals are in terms of dating -- are you looking for long term, casual, what? Then believe him whatever answer he gives you and dont stick around if they dont match your goals. The worst thing you can do is get invested and attached hoping his mind will change if you just hold oit long enough
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 So is there anything I can do at this point to try to salvage hope for something more serious? I mean, I'm going to try not to overthink things and just enjoy the fun company, but it's hard to do when I'm feeling like he's not going to stick around... You can ask about the sleep overs but if he says he doesn't sleep well with a new partner & he wants sleep on a weeknight, let him be. As for making him want to stick around it's a tightrope walk: you have to be aloof like you don't really care whether he sticks around or not but at the same time you need to be a lot of fun so he wants to be around. Where you draw that balance is up to you.
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