Mr. Reality Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by tsarita Regardless of what you did, the affair is between you, the MM and his wife, NOT your co-workers. The affair situation doesn't affect them in anyway. your wrong.the public knowledge does afffect co-workers.if the woman has made this kind of a decision(which is not moral in any way shape or form) and co workers found out about it,if affects how they work with the woman...and the decision to be unmoral can also potentially damage how customers do buisness with the company as a whole. would you do buisness with someone who (and i know we all make bad decisions at times) makes immoral decisions?does that also make your decision to do buisness with them immoral as well?couls she get fired for having an affair with a co-worker?would he get fired? so,yes...it does affect your co-workers.
lynnered Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by Mr. Reality your wrong.the public knowledge does afffect co-workers.if the woman has made this kind of a decision(which is not moral in any way shape or form) and co workers found out about it,if affects how they work with the woman...and the decision to be unmoral can also potentially damage how customers do buisness with the company as a whole. would you do buisness with someone who (and i know we all make bad decisions at times) makes immoral decisions?does that also make your decision to do buisness with them immoral as well?couls she get fired for having an affair with a co-worker?would he get fired? so,yes...it does affect your co-workers. i think it only affects the co-workers who need to get a life and mind their own business, work is ...work, u are not there because u choose to hang out with these people , u are there for a paycheck , and i don't see how " it affects how they work with the woman...and the decision to be unmoral can also potentially damage how customers do buisness with the company as a whole." work is not again personal ,&if a person is so affected by peoples morales in the workplace affecting their job then they have bigger things to worry about then who she's screwing as long as she's not carrying on in front of customers or letting it affect her performance then what's the big deal ? what i do outside of work is my business , I am the OW, i am sorry about some of the reply u have recieved ,lately i dont post so much because of all the negativity & non supportive people who frequent this post anymore , it seems its not for the OW/Om so much but for those on a high horse without sin or those who have been wronged , to sit and judge , so i wish u luck n peace of mind ,
tsarita Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by M Reality "your wrong.the public knowledge does afffect co-workers.if the woman has made this kind of a decision(which is not moral in any way shape or form) and co workers found out about it,if affects how they work with the woman...and the decision to be unmoral can also potentially damage how customers do buisness with the company as a whole. would you do buisness with someone who (and i know we all make bad decisions at times) makes immoral decisions?does that also make your decision to do buisness with them immoral as well?couls she get fired for having an affair with a co-worker?would he get fired? so,yes...it does affect your co-workers." If we are going to talk about morals in business, are you sure that every product you have ever worn, eaten or used wasn't some where a long line touched by some poor exploited person in a developing country? Do people stop doing business with someone who has had an affair? Last I heard Bill Clinton isn't in the poor house, nor is Brad Pitt. Do you know what each of your co-workers does when they go home at night? If it was affecting one of is co-workers in such a moral way, why didn't they have moral guts to tell her to her face that the affair was affecting how they worked together, instead of writing a remark on a bathroom wall? That's why I think the whole thing has turned into gossip and someone at her work place is just reveling in it. Not because it affects them personally, but because they are getting kicks out of it. Otherwise what was the point? It was hidden away in a wash room where SHE couldn't even see it. They just wanted to spread the gossip. My advice is that if the news of her affair is all over the work place she should speak to a lawyer.
Humbledog Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 DOES THIS MEAN I should throw all these phone#'s away?
tsarita Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by I am the OW [/i As for the writing on the walls, my mm went in and checked to still see if it was there for me and he said it was gone. Let them think what they want. I didn't make my mm file for a D, he chose to do it. I just think it's really childish and immature of someone to write that. My mm thinks he knows who knows who did it and he is a guy who's W who is good friends with mm's W so I am sure he probably wrote it, but I don't know for a fact. I heard that they were calling him into the HR dept to talk to him about it but he hasn't been called in yet. I also heard that if he is the one that wrote it they are going to fire him. Serves him right if he was the one that wrote it. Didnt read that bit. Sounds like it's getting resolved. Good.
d'Arthez Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Depending on the job relationships will affect work performance to a greater or lesser extent. So do affairs. So even if there is no talk between collegues relationships have an impact on work. As you wrote MM's wife was friends with several people on the job, which suggests that the job was more than just collecting a paycheck to a lot of people. If you are working in an office environment, talking and gossiping about each other's lifes is bound to happen. With you present or absent. So in that sense it is not surprising that these things happen. That does not make them right though. Even though management might take measures against the supposed perpetrator (and that is something which is hard to prove), it is obvious that you don't have to many friends there, and probably quite a few enemies. Some will admit to that, a lot will not. Yes, participation in affairs can be used against you for a long time to come. The same is true for conviction for theft, violent behavior et cetera. It is not fair, but life is not fair. If the alleged perpetrator did not do it, but gets blamed and subsequently fired, he will have to learn the same life-lesson, for something he then would not have done. And if the collegues find this response by management unwarranted or too extreme, you won't have made any new friends on the job, to put it euphemistically. Even if he did do it, that might happen. Not fair, but such is life. If you are to remain at the same workplace, it will take a lot of effort of you to win over the skeptics. And some of them you might never win over.
Rosalind Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by I am the OW My mm thinks he knows who knows who did it and he is a guy who's W who is good friends with mm's W so I am sure he probably wrote it, but I don't know for a fact. I heard that they were calling him into the HR dept to talk to him about it but he hasn't been called in yet. I also heard that if he is the one that wrote it they are going to fire him. Serves him right if he was the one that wrote it. Hi I am the OW, Yes, this is what I predicted...I'm glad they are pretty certain who the suspect is. BTW - I have never been the OW....but I am well aware of the hurtful crap that happens in alot of workplaces. They let a guy go a couple of weeks ago at my office...apparently he was doing weird stuff on the men's washroom walls - it's called defacing company property, and it's just cause for termination of employment.
SweetSerenity Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Get a life guy. They should call you Mr. Needstogetintouchwithreality. Because seriously you do need to get in touch with reality.
StillHurtin Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 I agree. I am the OW, listen to what d'Arthez said b/c your situation sounds similiar to the OW and my H during their A. They also worked 2gether, I also had a few friends who worked w/ H and the OW and would tell me what was going on. I also had two friends who's H's worked w/ H and the OW so I had a lot of ppl that knew what was going on. Each and everyone of my friends that either worked there, or had H's that did told me they knew what was going one. Even other ppl that worked w/ H and the OW that I didn't know would go tell my friends that they seen them together outside of work, ect. I had all the inside scoop of what was going on. If your MM's W has friends where he works I can guarantee that the W knows and ppl aren't going to look very fondly on you, or the mm. The OW didn't have many friends in the first place where she worked b/c she was very flirtacious w/ all the men she worked w/. There was even men who didn't like her. The OW got H fired b/c she was scared he was going to fire her. So, she tried to find reasons to get him fired, long story. HR dept lady was a total B!TCH about all of it. H even filed a lawsuit against his company. About a year after they ended the A H still had good friends that worked w/ the OW. They told H that she didn't have a lot of friends there, no one really liked her, and all the woman that worked w/ her wanted her fired. She was either tried to get some other woman co-worker fired or some other woman co-worker was trying to get her fired. It was a huge cat fight. The OW finally quit (hmmm, not a suprise) and got another job in another factory. I am sure it didn't take her long to start hitting and flirting w/ guys there. Having an A w/ a co-worker isn't the best idea. Hope it doesn't come back and bite ya in the a$$.
BoatingBabe Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by SweetSerenity Someone will come on this forum and ask for help and some of you will try and beat them into the ground for having an affair. No one in or on this forum is free from sin. Give me a break guys. You ever heard that you gather more bees with a drop of honey rather than vinegar? She asked for help, not for you guys to condemn her. Sheesh this is the other man/other woman forum. This is not the 'Scorned Husband and Wives' forum. If you feel that strongly about it how about posting elsewhere. She didn't ask for you to come in and verbal lash out about something I'm sure she feels bad about in the first place. Why not stick to the situation at hand and answer what she asked for help with? Why must you come in here and try to verbally lash out at someone. Get a grip! At any rate you fools greatly provide much entertainment for me. I didn't mean what I said as sarcasm in my first post either. Mistakes are made and self righteous pompous a**h***s who are miserable love to browbeat someone to the ground for the mistakes they make, why don't you go look in the mirror? Do you like what you see? Are you perfection in a glass? I think not. Get a grip ladies and gentlemen. I'm not talking to all of you, I'm talking to the ones that love to cast stones without sweeping their front porchstep first. Get over it! HAHAHA!! Great Post Sweet!! I think we post here to get some insight or help with the situation...not to be JUDGED.
Humbledog Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by BoatingBabe HAHAHA!! Great Post Sweet!! I think we post here to get some insight or help with the situation...not to be JUDGED. Excellant response...Totally agree...... Live and let live!!!!!! If I'm in brimstone up to my throat.....so be it.....
shygurl Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 So with respect to the original poster here, if I gathered the information correctly, she was having an affair with a coworker whose WIFE also worked at this company. Now most people steer clear of office romance/relationships because of the obvious reasons - and in fact, because of these obvious reasons, many companies have policies that forbid coworkers having relationships, with suspension or termination being the end result of caught. But to get involved with a coworker who's married....and his wife works at the same place? What was the OP even thinking? That whole mess is enough to have a really drastic impact on the work environment, morale.....people gossiping, people taking sides, coworkers angry at other coworkers because they're on the "other" side, the possibilities for drama are endless. Sorry but if you're silly enough to get involved with someone who's married, and even sillier to get involved with him and his wife also works there, what the heck do you expect the repercussions are going to be? Damn good way to lose your job, too.
I am the OW Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl So with respect to the original poster here, if I gathered the information correctly, she was having an affair with a coworker whose WIFE also worked at this company. Now most people steer clear of office romance/relationships because of the obvious reasons - and in fact, because of these obvious reasons, many companies have policies that forbid coworkers having relationships, with suspension or termination being the end result of caught. But to get involved with a coworker who's married....and his wife works at the same place? What was the OP even thinking? That whole mess is enough to have a really drastic impact on the work environment, morale.....people gossiping, people taking sides, coworkers angry at other coworkers because they're on the "other" side, the possibilities for drama are endless. Sorry but if you're silly enough to get involved with someone who's married, and even sillier to get involved with him and his wife also works there, what the heck do you expect the repercussions are going to be? Damn good way to lose your job, too. shygurl, my mm's W does not work at the same place, but she has friends who do. My feelings still stand on the whole situation. It was immature and childish of the person to write that on the wall. I know that a lot of you think I am wrong for getting involved with a mm but like I said, his marriage was having problems anyhow and he told me he wanted to get out of the M so I didn't see a thing wrong persuing him.
westernxer Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Look on the bright side... at least people have something to read when they're using the toilet.
Mr. Reality Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by SweetSerenity Get a life guy. They should call you Mr. Needstogetintouchwithreality. Because seriously you do need to get in touch with reality. LOL...i need to get in touch with reality?....you're funny....so...let me get this straight ok....the original poster sleeps with a married man with whom he and his wife are friends with at where he works,then someone writes on a wall(and this constitutes an affected work relationship) then she gets whiney because someone wrote something nasty about her,then comes on here whining that someone had the gall to write that on a bathroom wall...and you all want to give her a pity party?what's wrong with all you people?she gotten off easy so far with someone just writing something nasty on the wall.......and you say i need to get in touch with reality?please....... seeing as you slept with a married man and the wife KNOWS who you are.....if i were you,i'd be watching my back for something worse coming down the road......i am far from being a righteous person,so don't think i am high and mighty here....i'm pointing out that you were wrong....no matter what or how you want to try to justify this action.....and also that this does affect a working relationship.if you are too blind or stupid to see it...well....that's why your in this situation in the first place.either you or the married man should have kept your big yap shut or not acted like lovebirds at work.
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Look on the bright side... at least people have something to read when they're using the toilet. Doesn't reading make it wanna crawl back up????
erika2610 Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by SweetSerenity Why do you give a s.h.i.t what they think about you and what you have done? I mean you have to know that in today's society infidelity is frowned upon by pompous self righteous a**h***s. It's just a sad part of life. I say don't let it get you down and just move on. This is a very petty thing to do. Reminds me of being in highschool. Ignore it and get back to work! Whattya think? We should all celebrate fidelity? You seem to be rootin it on in some of these threads. I honestly just can't believe what you say sometimes..
erika2610 Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl I'd be more inclined to think that it being written there was somehow orchestrated by your MM's wife....she obviously found a guy who'd write that about you, so that other men would see it and think you were scum. For all you know, maybe she snuck into the washroom after hours and wrote it herself. Couldn't really blame her if she did, though - you admit you and he were having an emotional affair while they were married - it's surely understandable she would finger you as a primary cause of the marriage breaking up. Sorry but this is the kind of thing you have to be prepared to endure when you get involved with someone's husband - particularly the MM of someone who works at your same place of employment ! I don't think any of us are/were prepared for all the crap that happens when dating a MM. At least I know I wasn't.
erika2610 Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Originally posted by SweetSerenity Someone will come on this forum and ask for help and some of you will try and beat them into the ground for having an affair. No one in or on this forum is free from sin. Give me a break guys. You ever heard that you gather more bees with a drop of honey rather than vinegar? She asked for help, not for you guys to condemn her. Sheesh this is the other man/other woman forum. This is not the 'Scorned Husband and Wives' forum. If you feel that strongly about it how about posting elsewhere. She didn't ask for you to come in and verbal lash out about something I'm sure she feels bad about in the first place. Why not stick to the situation at hand and answer what she asked for help with? Why must you come in here and try to verbally lash out at someone. Get a grip! At any rate you fools greatly provide much entertainment for me. I didn't mean what I said as sarcasm in my first post either. Mistakes are made and self righteous pompous a**h***s who are miserable love to browbeat someone to the ground for the mistakes they make, why don't you go look in the mirror? Do you like what you see? Are you perfection in a glass? I think not. Get a grip ladies and gentlemen. I'm not talking to all of you, I'm talking to the ones that love to cast stones without sweeping their front porchstep first. Get over it! You're posts never cease to amaze me Anybody can post on this forum.. no matter there opinions. It seems to me, that when you feel like people are ganging up on somebody, then you get all hot and bothered. Half of us aren't attacking the person, only being brutally honest. You don't know what everybody's been through.. half the ones 'casting the stones', might've been involved with a MM at some point. Alot of people just don't sugar coat things. And some of us are just trying to help women not make the same mistakes we have. And isn't calling people 'self righteous pompous a**h***s' name calling and judging? Just relax.. don't be so quick to jump on everybody.
TheFaithfulWife Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Sorry but Personally I think it's hysterical.. Can't really condemn a person for calling a kettle black Childish ? yes Unprofessional? Yes Something the ex wife needed to do to show you a small portion of the pain you and her husband put her through? Yes Now consider yourself lucky that it was the wall she wrote on and not your face. Hope the hubby never decides to cheat on you otherwise you may find yourself sympathizing with the childish behavior of the first one he cheated on. When a person is hurt beyond belief sometimes logic and sensability fly out the window. I don't need to have everyone going all ballistic about my post. I just needed to put the wife's perspective in place. TFW
newbby Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Can't really condemn a person for calling a kettle black unless that person is a pot
Marie1973 Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 i think this is totally immature behavior & no one deserves to get stuff written on the bathroom wall about them no matter what position they are in. people are such idiots!! i realize that more & more as i get older
SweetSerenity Posted June 27, 2005 Posted June 27, 2005 Erika, whatever. If you read what I wrote and really read it and read between the lines, you'd see the first part was sorta funny, the second post was directed at a few people. I didn't name names, so jump off your moral highhorse. No one deserves to be called names or made out to be a whore. Two wrongs do not make a right. And yeah, what I wrote about people bashing others is downright true. You take a good look around you. Personally Erika I don't care what you think or say. Talking to me is like talking to a brick wall. No matter how much you try and overthrow my comments I'll always come back with something more, these forums are a nice way to vent on people as it would seem from my speculative point of view. Sometimes you get 'grown up' posters that truly try to help a person out. She didn't ask you to bash her, she didn't ask to be told "I told you so", "what'd you expect", etc etc etc......She asked what she should do about it. So deal with it!
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