I am the OW Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I must work with a bunch of immature idiots! I heard from a co-worker that someone wrote in the men's bathroom stall that I am a "homewrecking whore"! I can't believe the men I work with would do such a thing. A lot of people know about my A with the MM and have said nothing about it but I guess someone doesn't like it. Why are they writting these things? He D his W but I am getting called the homewrecker. Yes, we were having an EA before he filed for a D. I have no clue who wrote it because it's in the men's bathroom. My mm's W has friends who work with us so I could see that being written in the woman's bathroom but the men's? Why would a woman go into the men's to write that? I never thought people would look at me that way.
SweetSerenity Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Why do you give a s.h.i.t what they think about you and what you have done? I mean you have to know that in today's society infidelity is frowned upon by pompous self righteous a**h***s. It's just a sad part of life. I say don't let it get you down and just move on. This is a very petty thing to do. Reminds me of being in highschool. Ignore it and get back to work!
tiki Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Have you confirmed it? Maybe it's a lie? Yowza. That sucks. Sorry bout that.
Skeered Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by SweetSerenity Why do you give a s.h.i.t what they think about you and what you have done? I mean you have to know that in today's society infidelity is frowned upon by pompous self righteous a**h***s. It's just a sad part of life. I say don't let it get you down and just move on. This is a very petty thing to do. Reminds me of being in highschool. Ignore it and get back to work! I hope you were being sarcastic about the infidelity being frowned upon by pompous self righteous a**h***s..and if you weren't I guess that makes me one..lol I think infidelity is low, hurtful and cruel and although I'm sorry that someone was childish as to write in on the wall they should have said it to your face.
Katie1227 Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I answered my phone one day and this guy wanted sex, that he found my name on a bathroom wall. I called the management to see if it was true. Yes it was. The guy I had been dating ( only three x's ) had apparnently been upset because I wouldn't go to bed with him that night (we went met at this old bar on these occations ) That same year, before I knew my name was on the wall, my mother was visiting me, helping me get through a very bad car accident. I later found out that she was recieving calls from men, wanting to meet me for sex. Hey, maybe that is why I have fychk so many men, I am afraid my name will go on the wall again. LOL
StillHurtin Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Originally posted by Skeered I hope you were being sarcastic about the infidelity being frowned upon by pompous self righteous a**h***s..and if you weren't I guess that makes me one..lol I think infidelity is low, hurtful and cruel and although I'm sorry that someone was childish as to write in on the wall they should have said it to your face. I agree! Ppl who frown on infidelity are not pompous, self righteous, a**h***s. I also think it's a low, hurtful, and cruel thing to do to someone. And yes, the comment on the bathroom wall was a little childish. I guess they were too scared or didn't have any balls to tell you to your face that you were one. Or maybe they didn't want to tell you to your face b/c it may have caused problems at work if they did, who knows. Maybe the ppl who wrote the message on the bathroom wall knew that you were having an EA b4 the MM filed for a D. Maybe this message was written there b4 he filed for a D and you just now found out about it???? If it bothers you that much I would go to management and have them remove it, if they haven't already. My first and last name and "is a slut" was written in the bathroom wall at a pizza restuarant. This was in HS and I know the person that wrote it was my BF's ex GF who happened to be in her early 20's. Real mature on her part. Funny thing was, I was a virgin when she wrote it. Kind of hard to be a slut if your a virgin. I ended up breaking up w/ this guy b/c his ex GF would chase me all over town whenever I would go out w/ my friends. I got sick of it and it wasn't worth it. There wasn't one time I could go out w/ my friends cruising and she would follow me everywhere I went. After I broke it off w/ him he started dating her again and she still was following me around town and I was dating someone else. She even threatened to break my neck! How childish is that! A 20 yo threatening to break a 17 yo's neck. It just shows you some ppl just don't grow up. When they are hurting, or someone is hurting someone they are friends w/ they tend to act like children to get back at the person doing the hurting.
Pocky Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Why don't you call maintenance or housekeeping and have it removed.
shygurl Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I'd be more inclined to think that it being written there was somehow orchestrated by your MM's wife....she obviously found a guy who'd write that about you, so that other men would see it and think you were scum. For all you know, maybe she snuck into the washroom after hours and wrote it herself. Couldn't really blame her if she did, though - you admit you and he were having an emotional affair while they were married - it's surely understandable she would finger you as a primary cause of the marriage breaking up. Sorry but this is the kind of thing you have to be prepared to endure when you get involved with someone's husband - particularly the MM of someone who works at your same place of employment !
Mr. Reality Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by SweetSerenity Why do you give a s.h.i.t what they think about you and what you have done? I mean you have to know that in today's society infidelity is frowned upon by pompous self righteous a**h***s. It's just a sad part of life. I say don't let it get you down and just move on. This is a very petty thing to do. Reminds me of being in highschool. Ignore it and get back to work! gee...i must be a pompous self righteous a**h*** because i frowned upon an ex girlfriend when she cheated on me.....i guess i'm not the easy going laid back kinda guy i always thought and told i was........i guess i don't like having my friggin' heart ripped out and thrown in a cuisinart set on pulverize.so you don't care what people think of you?do you care what your boyfriend/husband thinks?or do you just do what you want and screw what he thinks?what's really sad is that there are people that are as mis-informed as you.you should care up to a point what people think about you.....you still have to interact with them and work with them.
newbby Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 whoever it was, its extremely immature, just walk around with your head high and keep your dignity about you. it may only be one or two people who feel that way, i'm sure it will become clear in time just who those people are. just ask to have it removed and carry on with doing yourwork and not letting them know it got to you.
Rosalind Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Why don't you call maintenance or housekeeping and have it removed. Oh yeah, this REALLY addresses the OP's concern....yeesh! Dear I am the OW,....I think it all comes down to this : Originally posted by I am the OW I guess someone doesn't like it. Why are they writting these things? I don't think it's 'they'....I think it's one person responsible for doing this. There's always a person like this in every office, who perhaps is concealing his animosity towards you, whereas your other co-workers probably are not even giving it much thought, because they've got their own lives to be concerned about. And I'm betting that through the grapevine, you WILL find out who the culprit is. Keep us posted!
Marie1973 Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I think that someone is trying to cause trouble. I would walk into that bathroom & see it for yourself. I would go straight to HR about this. If this is true, someone is very immature. This is high school behavior & I can't believe an adult would do something like this.
Pocky Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by Rosalind Oh yeah, this REALLY addresses the OP's concern....yeesh! In my opinion, there isn't anything to be concerned with. Have it removed and ignore it.
tiki Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I'd call housekeeping/janitorial/sumbody to have it removed too. I'm surprised my phone hasn't rung with these types o' calls.
tiki Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Oh ya'll think I'm kidding. I've been a jerk to too many men out there.
Debster Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I guess someone doesn't like it. Why are they writting these things? I think many people don't like to know that there was an affair going on in the office that broke up a marriage - whether it is emotional or physical. As for why they are writing these things, maybe because they side with the wife and think what you did was wrong and are trying to hold you accountable. Not to say that what they did was right - it was definitely immature, but it's not like you are completely innocent either.
JPMorgan Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 You had an affair with a married man, what did you expect? People have boundaries and if you don't respect them then face the consequences. Instead of whining about it, why not think about the lessons you have learned from it so that you don't put yourself in a similar position again?
Skeered Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Originally posted by JPMorgan You had an affair with a married man, what did you expect? People have boundaries and if you don't respect them then face the consequences. Instead of whining about it, why not think about the lessons you have learned from it so that you don't put yourself in a similar position again? Exactly you play with fire expect to get burned...I have said it before on here and I'll say it again...my XH cheated on me and it hurt like hell..I never knew that the problems he later told me about even existed..we had no communication whatsoever...now my trust level is pretty much shot...Thank God I found a guy willing to show me that guys can be trusted...but besides that you were a culprit in destroying a marriage..if you can't except the consequences of your cheating actions then maybe you shouldn't have done it. You know someone said on here once in response to a question I had about people who cheat or are the OW/OM that you can't help who you fall in love with and to this I agree...but I would hope and pray that people still have morales that when a person is dating or married to SOMEONE ELSE, it's hands off...if the person that is married still pursues you..you tell them there will be nothing until you are divorced and I will not be the reason for the demise of your marriage. You married that person for a reason if you can't find it anymore than get counseling or be done with it. I'm sorry for saying this to the OW/OM out there but pull your head out of your arse and realize that by you being the "other" person in the relationship you are hurting someone else...stop being so damn selffish and think about how you would feel if it were your heart that someone else breaking.
SweetSerenity Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Someone will come on this forum and ask for help and some of you will try and beat them into the ground for having an affair. No one in or on this forum is free from sin. Give me a break guys. You ever heard that you gather more bees with a drop of honey rather than vinegar? She asked for help, not for you guys to condemn her. Sheesh this is the other man/other woman forum. This is not the 'Scorned Husband and Wives' forum. If you feel that strongly about it how about posting elsewhere. She didn't ask for you to come in and verbal lash out about something I'm sure she feels bad about in the first place. Why not stick to the situation at hand and answer what she asked for help with? Why must you come in here and try to verbally lash out at someone. Get a grip! At any rate you fools greatly provide much entertainment for me. I didn't mean what I said as sarcasm in my first post either. Mistakes are made and self righteous pompous a**h***s who are miserable love to browbeat someone to the ground for the mistakes they make, why don't you go look in the mirror? Do you like what you see? Are you perfection in a glass? I think not. Get a grip ladies and gentlemen. I'm not talking to all of you, I'm talking to the ones that love to cast stones without sweeping their front porchstep first. Get over it!
Debster Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Sweet Serenity you are right, we all have our sins. However, if I sin and I get called on it, I'm not going to sit there and say how unfair. Poor me. There are actions and consequences for everyone.
Skeered Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Trust me I never said I was perfect...I just think like I said you play with fire expect to get burned..she cheated with a married man she should expect the insults to fly. And if she feels bad about it she should...and like I said in the first post when I gave my helpful advice the person shouldn't have been childish and they should have said it to her face...what was written can be easily removed from the walls but what they (both she and the married guy) are doin can't be erased from the hearts of the wife and possible children they have hurt. As far as posting on another forum, I do...but this is an open forum and open for both sides of discussion..right? If she feels strongly about what she's doin than what I have said or anyone else has said won't matter to her anyway because what she is doing she won't find any fault in...correct? And as you said things that are written in this forum I find amusement in so I will come back and view from time to time...I think it's funny how the minds and morals of some people work. I don't always post but many times I want to...lol
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I don't always post but many times I want to...lol Me too. And because I'm also a less-than-perfect human, I'm about to prove it by making a teensy-weensy little error in judgment of my own. Shouldn't do it. I know. But there are times when temptation gets the best of me, too. …Why must you come in here and try to verbally lash out at someone. Get a grip! …At any rate you fools greatly provide much entertainment for me. …Mistakes are made and self righteous pompous a**h***s who are miserable love to browbeat someone to the ground …Get a grip ladies and gentlemen. …I'm talking to the ones that love to cast stones without sweeping their front porchstep first. Get over it! Perhaps someone needs to follow their own advice. (???) I think if the above comments are to "represent" how rational, secure, mature, worldly, wise and emotionally centered women in these kinds of situations are….then I think mistresses need better PR. Meanwhile, this self-righteous pompous a**h*** suggests that our poster get some Windex and paper towels and clean up her mess. Or…get a new job and start over. Unfortunately, it's not always so easy to tidy up our lives and reputations once we've made a mess of them. It sucks. But that's life. My apologies, in advance, to the moderators who will probably have to "tidy up my reputation" by deleting this post.
I am the OW Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I should have known I would get some replies that flamed me but that is okay. I know that I am partly the reason for my mm leaving his W because I was the one that showed interest in him first but he didn't have to file for a D from his W. He could of flat out told me he was married and wasn't going to have a relationship with me but he didn't so the M was in trouble before we got involved. I am not going to feel guilty for having an A with him. His M is over. We are together, his W is no longer around here, and he hasn't brought up having second thoughts anymore. He had his children over Father's Day weekend and he took them back to their mom that evening. He didn't mention a word about his W. I was hoping that he would introduce me to his kids but he didn't. I didn't see him all weekend long. I think he spent most of the weekend with his parent's and his kids. I felt so alone without him. Every time he has his children he doesn't come see me and we don't make any plans to see eachother. The weekends he has with his children is so hard because we don't see eachother, or even talk much. As for the writing on the walls, my mm went in and checked to still see if it was there for me and he said it was gone. Let them think what they want. I didn't make my mm file for a D, he chose to do it. I just think it's really childish and immature of someone to write that. My mm thinks he knows who knows who did it and he is a guy who's W who is good friends with mm's W so I am sure he probably wrote it, but I don't know for a fact. I heard that they were calling him into the HR dept to talk to him about it but he hasn't been called in yet. I also heard that if he is the one that wrote it they are going to fire him. Serves him right if he was the one that wrote it.
tsarita Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 Regardless of what you did, the affair is between you, the MM and his wife, NOT your co-workers. The affair situation doesn't affect them in anyway. I doubt it was a whole group of people that did this, because as someone already pointed out, most people have their own lives to worry about. But as usual some people have nothing better to do. Gossip is one thing that you can't control, but what happened takes it to whole other level. Employees have rights in the work place, yes even those who have had affairs. I wouldn't ignore this as it could escalate. I have studied law. Talk to a lawyer first and find out what your rights are.
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