TheBathWater Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 I've known her 3 years. We used to work together. She was taken the whole time but is now single. We were at a bar with some of her friends. She kept isolating us away from them and finding excuses to touch me a lot...A LOT. Laughing, etc... but she did suggest she's not ready to see anyone for a little while. I felt so nervous because I didn't want to ruin the friendship if I was just reading into it. I'm thinking of making a move on her soon. Thoughts?
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Yes, go for it. If you don't then someone else will. She may be newly single but the relationship might have been going badly for a long time.
Author TheBathWater Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 How soon though? We were talking about relationships in our lives and she was saying she is trying to give herself time to breathe and be alone, maybe for a month or so. But she kept throwing out tons of signals at me. I guess I don't want to wait too long but don't want to jump at it too soon, and this is where I'm struggling. She also knows I have a woman coming to stay with me in two weeks for a little while and that we're probably going to have sex. So I also worry making a move on her now could complicate things. Maybe I should just get her out after the other woman leaves and kiss her and take things from there?
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 She also knows I have a woman coming to stay with me in two weeks for a little while and that we're probably going to have sex. Ummm... OK...? Did you ever think, that's pretty weird? I would say strike while the iron's hot but if you're determined to make this other woman a notch on your bed-post then wait until after. It's also quite possible that she'll see this weird arrangement as a red flag. I certainly would, if it were a woman saying that. 3
Author TheBathWater Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 (edited) Ummm... OK...? Did you ever think, that's pretty weird? I would say strike while the iron's hot but if you're determined to make this other woman a notch on your bed-post then wait until after. It's also quite possible that she'll see this weird arrangement as a red flag. I certainly would, if it were a woman saying that. No weird arrangement. It's someone from out of town who I have a sexual relationship with and is staying with me for a few days. There is no LTR or LDR potential there, but my friend who I want to make a move on has potential if the feelings are mutual. What am I supposed to cancel my visitor/fling for a friend who is still grieving her ex? That makes no sense to me if she and I aren't seeing each other yet. And what exactly is so weird about having a lover from out of state? In a perfect world, timing wouldn't be an issue. Edited May 25, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine
smackie9 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 She is looking for a fling or possible FWB don't get your hopes up for a relationship...she already told you she wasn't looking for one.
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 No weird arrangement. It's someone from out of town who I have a sexual relationship with and is staying with me for a few days. Well I'd call that a little weird. It's much more weird that you've disclosed the details of this to a potential new datee. What am I supposed to cancel my visitor/fling for a friend who is still grieving her ex? Either (a) ask you new crush out, and if she says yes, cancel the fling, or (b) ask her out after the fling leaves. And what exactly is so weird about having a lover from out of state? Nothing "wrong" with it, if you're not dating anyone else. Live and let live, eh. But put it this way. If I knew a woman who was inviting a guy from out of town for a few days and they would be having sex... I would discount her as a future partner.
Author TheBathWater Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 She is looking for a fling or possible FWB don't get your hopes up for a relationship...she already told you she wasn't looking for one. She's really not that type. Nothing's impossible though.
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 My advice is to make a choice, either you pursue the friend, or have fun with the out of town woman. Does the out of town woman know she is there purely for your entertainment and you have no intention of any future plans with her? As this recently single woman is your friend/co-worker it is pretty disrespectful to show interest in her, then keep her waiting whilst you have casual sex with a "lover" for a few days elsewhere. I do not think that is a great start to any potential relationship. 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Telling her you have a lady friend coming, isn't weird. Admitting to her you'll probably have sex with her - is TMI..... If she were to come to that conclusion herself, that would be ok. It would be guesswork, and actually, none of her business WHAT you do, as there is absolutely no connection at all, let alone an understanding, or yet more, a commitment. But to actually tell her sex is on the cards with this other woman? What did you expect her to think or take from that? In my eyes, were I presented with that fact from a guy who is friendly, open and apparently interested, I would think he's actually a bit of a player, and someone who may well have a girl in every port. Would I like to be "a notch on his bed-post?" Not now, thanks very much.... 2
Author TheBathWater Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 I should be careful here. Let me be clearer about my situation and what was said about this woman coming to stay with me because I'm not conveying things correctly... So the woman coning to stay with me is from OLD and is flying in. This I told her. She asked if it was serious. I told her no, and that LDRs don't work for me. She asked if she was attractive. I said yes (in hindsight I would have said yes, but not as much as you). That was it. I never said we would have sex. My friend is not the hookup type. Never say never, but I've known her for three years. If we get involved, I can't imagine her just wanting a FWB arrangement. I don't know what we'd be. We haven't worked together in a year, so no office awkwardness here. At this point, I would really just like to see what kissing her feels like; I just want to be mindful of her breakup/healing and my upcoming weekend romance. Again, I never said to my friend me and this woman would have sex.
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Well that's cleared that up.... And to be honest it's a relief.... Tell me, of the two (and I think it's pretty obvious, but let me just ask anyway) if things were to develop, which one do you feel you would prefer to establish a steady, even-handed good relationship with? (The remark about her being prettier would have been cheesy, so really, I'm quite glad you didn't say that either). See your OLD friend, take the visit as it comes, then be guarded about what you tell your 3-year friend. If she asks if you had a nice time, err on the cagey rather than open and frank. Take things slow, be friendly, open and suggest casual, day-time dates doing 'neutral' stuff. But let her lead the pace.
elaine567 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 So the woman coming to stay with me is from OLD and is flying in. OK but does she know that you have no intention of taking things any further? Seems a big expense for no real gain her end.
Grey40 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Dude, that was the dumbest thing to ever say to a girl you are hoping to date. Why the hell would you even bring up another girl that you're talking to/inviting over? You really messed up.
Author TheBathWater Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 OK but does she know that you have no intention of taking things any further? Seems a big expense for no real gain her end. Yes, she knows I'm not seeing it as an LTR/LDR thing.
Author TheBathWater Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 (edited) Dude, that was the dumbest thing to ever say to a girl you are hoping to date. Why the hell would you even bring up another girl that you're talking to/inviting over? You really messed up. Yeah, that's possible. At the same time, I still keep her as a friend. We'll know each other for a while, so if it's meant to happen then at some point it will. And if not, that's fine. I'm only posting now to think about timing, especially because she is still grieving and I'm about to have a weekend affair. I want to be fair to her, and at the same time, don't want to wait too long. Edited May 25, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine
tayriley Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 i'm sorry but this is no way to start a relationship with this woman. if it were me, i'd be totally turned off that you have a f-ck buddy flying in and staying with you, and all the while you were trying to mack on me. EW EW EW!!! women like to feel special- like they are the only one. i dont see you having any sort of serious relationship with the 3-yr friend if you go through with having some strange woman come stay with you for presumably sex. the 3-yr friend might still use you for sex and feeling safe, but she will likely not take you seriously as someone she wants to be with. 3
Author TheBathWater Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Sounds like I'm screwed. Thanks for the feedback.
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