danhats Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Hi all, So my ex-girlfriend broke up with me just over a month ago now. We lived together with our dog and for the first couple of weeks after the break up it was almost like things hadn't changed. She would still come and sleep in my bed (I had moved into the spare room) and kiss me goodbye in the mornings. I then arranged to go somewhere else for a week (before moving back to my mums) and when it came to me leaving she got really upset and asked me to stay. I told her I couldn't as I had made a booking at this place and needed to go that night. Later that evening, she was texting me how much she missed me and how much she loved me. We spoke pretty much everyday that week. I invited her out but she refused, saying that she didn't think it was a good idea. The following week I moved back to my mums. She would text me asking how I was and even asked me to send a selfie there and then. All this showing that she obviously missed me. I should point out that she initiated these conversations as I was trying to use the No Contact rule. The following week, she then emailed me to ask if I could pick up the rest of my stuff while she was away with her mum the week after. I knew I would have to at some point but it hurt that she had pushed for it. Anyway, the evening she got back from her trip she text saying that she heard I'd moved the rest of my stuff out. We had a brief but light conversation and that was that. We spoke again the following day and she mentioned that she thought I didn't care about the break up (probably down to the no contact). I also heard from my friend's gf that she thought I had already moved on (possibly because of this). She is an old fashioned romantic and I have realised over the past few weeks that despite telling her how much I loved her all the time, I never really did much to show her. She did say during our relationship that she didn't know how I felt about (to which I would always reassure her) and thought I had just settled. That simply isn't true. Anyway, last weekend I had ordered a bulk load of roses to be delivered to her workplace over a number of weeks, each containing a verse from our song. She received the first on Monday and as much as she loved them, she felt it was forced and unnatural (which I completely understand). I explained that I understood that but I didn't want to say that I had changed, I wanted to actually show her how much she means to me. She said that she thinks she has accepted things the way they are now and doesn't see anything happening in the future but obviously there are still feelings there. I think that she is worried that things will just go back to how they were if we gave it another go and then potentially have to go through the break up all over again and maybe that's why she's holding back. Anyway, I'm thinking of organising a grand romantic gesture in person but wanted to get some opinions. It seems that all of the other standard 'get your ex back' advice that I have read have only served to give her time to think that I don't care. So showing her a romantic side seems to be my only option.
mikeylo Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 As time passes, feelings of love can turn into resentment , hate , and ultimately indifference. Nip it in the bud or regret rest of your life to try to get her back or get over her. If she is seeing that nothing is changing , she will go through different emotions and them -- boom ! All feelings gone.
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Dude. You're wasting your time and money. She has made it quite clear to you that the relationship is over. You're flogging a dead dodo. The best course of action is for you to go NC in order for you to get over this relationship. You seem to have some misunderstandings on what NC means, how to implement it, and what the objective is. It's not a magic trick to get an ex back. It is for YOU to heal and recover from the relationship. To implement it you need to have no contact with her. No social media, BLOCK her number, no little birds feeding you info, etc. NO contact, either way. 1
Author danhats Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 I completely agree that it's possibly too late but in theory, I don't actually have anything to lose. I think I would have more regrets not at least trying. This is a girl who has grown up desiring these huge (and somewhat unrealistic) gestures that we see in the movies and clearly the general stuff that works on 90% of women doesn't work with her. It's possible that she could be an exception to the rule.
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Nothing to lose except your self respect, self esteem, sanity and a not insignificant amount of cash. So if you're decided on doing it anyway, why are you posting here? Go to interflora dot com instead... Don't say we didn't warn you, though. 2
hippychick3 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Nothing to lose except your self respect, self esteem, sanity and a not insignificant amount of cash. So if you're decided on doing it anyway, why are you posting here? Go to interflora dot com instead... Don't say we didn't warn you, though. I agree with this. She's not coming back no matter what you do, OP. She has totally checked out of the relationship.
Author danhats Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Haha I think my sanity left a long time ago! I was only curious cos using other 'tactics' by the book only seemed to push her away on this occasion and she wouldn't even reply to my messages (not that I bombarded her). It's only since I opened up and was honest about things that I've managed to turn it around so there's no negativity attached to me anymore. Just thought I'd see if anyone else has also given it a go and how they got on with it.
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Why did you break up? If whatever drove you apart has been fixed, perhaps reconciliation is possible. That said, if you haven't addressed those issues some grand gesture won't fix anything. 1
privategal Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Your in the denial stage. Use any mistakes you made with her to help you in future relationships. Go strict nc. These grand gestures arent reality. A girl who is meant for you will not need proof and will just be grateful to have you in her life. You will regret trying. Give it a full 60 days NC. Go enjoy friends and summer and change and improve yourself for YOU. IF after 60 days you TRULY feel somehow she is the real deal for you MAYBE reach out then but I bet you will be surprised to find your moved on and better off without her.
fixing Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Dude. Relationships are a two way street... You have your dignity, self respect and any miniscule chance you may have with her further down the line at stake. No more romantic gestures. No more contact. If by some miracle that you both were destined to be together then cool off and go nc. Let her make a move now. But, dont expect it. Dont wait. Move on in the meanwhile.
mikeylo Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Why did she dump you ? Why do you want her back ? You've probably got a unique girl ,lol , who doesn't get impressed with things others would . That's a challenge now Her love language is what it is. Deal with it or not , is your choice. She's dumped you anyway. Read another post where a guy is neurotic even after 7 years. Why do people take partners for granted ? They want others to deal with something that they themselves wouldn't. Duh
springy Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Your best bet in this situation is to move on as if she is never coming back and allow your heart to heal. . You are in crisis/desperation mode right now which means you really shouldn’t make any moves. Dump the books/manuals, go NC (for real) and start healing.
LD1990 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Haha I think my sanity left a long time ago! I was only curious cos using other 'tactics' by the book only seemed to push her away on this occasion and she wouldn't even reply to my messages (not that I bombarded her). It's only since I opened up and was honest about things that I've managed to turn it around so there's no negativity attached to me anymore. Just thought I'd see if anyone else has also given it a go and how they got on with it. That's because any "book" related to getting your ex back is unrealistic. She's not a math problem that you just need the correct formula to solve, she's a person. I tried a couple romantic gestures with my ex. Complete waste of time and money. There is nothing you can do to make her want to be with you. She either does or she doesn't, and this one doesn't. She's not unique for wanting huge romantic gestures, although she's got the immaturity of a 10 year old if she thinks that Disney version of life is realistic. A lot of women have romantic fantasies, but when those romantic gestures come from an overeager ex, they become more of an annoyance than a dream come true.
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