ilovemefirst Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Yeah i wouldnt bother responding or answering his calls. You will find someone better
sc0316 Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 But ya. Actually - ONCE... this did actually happen ONCE on loveshack! A beuaiful (I mesn stunning) poster here who was such a down to earth and lovely girl, dated a successful doctor who was genuiny... LEGIT... afraid of marriage and committment! So he left. He then realised she was the love of his life. They are now happily married! But this is the ONLY TIME in my LIFE that I have witnessed this holly wood esque sh*t happen! Do you have a link to the thread? I was reading an interesting article about when a confirmed bachelor suddenly gets married.
preraph Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 Even him saying he's put in to stay here is just another rabbit he's pulled out of his hat. Everything he's done is calculated to juggle as many sex partners as possible. It's a game to him. As long as you are open to hearing his many excuses and logic, you will still be getting used. 1
katiegrl Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 (edited) He never said he DIDNT want a relationship with me. That's the point. I understand that he never confirmed a relationship with me, but that's exactly why I was in limbo with him this entire time, when he came back to me in March I made it clear I wouldn't see him under casual circumstance and he said I don't want that either! We were talking to each other, so I'm not crazy to assume he meant "in general, with every girl" I took it as "with you." Plus, why would he hook up with another girl if he told me he wasn't looking for flings anymore either, generally speaking? Sounds like he was just sweet talking me BS. I totally own my part in this. Lesson has been learned. but lets be honest, he's a f-boy who knew exactly what he was doing. He was biding his time with me until June. We even talked about him leaving in June and he said "I've put my orders in that I want to stay here, so I might stay." He hasn't responded yet by the way. We're texting on WhatsApp so I can see if he read the message or not and it still says "unread" all day. Oh well. Could it be possible that when he contacted you in March, he really DID miss you and want a RL? I mean it sure sounded like he did, telling you he wasn't interested in a casual fling this time, introduced you to friends, spent lots of time together, etc. But after two, almost three, months, simply lost interest? I dunno I read these threads and it seems like some folks believe that once someone tells you they're into you and wants a RL, that they are obligated to feel that way for the rest of their lives or something. After spending more time together, getting to know each other, people DO lose interest -- that is precisely why we date, to find out if the initial interest will grow into something more substantial warranting a commitment at some point. If it doesn't, then we end it. It doesn't have to mean he was "playing" you or being deceptive with you. He simply lost interest, and is pulling away. You weren't exclusive so he had every right to "hook up" with another woman. Next time, discuss exclusivity.... for clarity and to assure you are on the same page. Anyway.... do you think this is possible OP? Edited May 26, 2016 by katiegrl
Dis Posted May 26, 2016 Posted May 26, 2016 I also read the part where she still wasn't horny dude's girlfriend...ever! She refused to answer my question about exclusivity. I'm guessing they weren't exclusive. Sleeping with a guy, not exclusive and nowhere in any of that is he willing to call you his girlfriend? Sorry, that's the very definition of a casual, not a serious, relationship. If I tell someone I'm not eating chocolate cake because I want a healthier diet, but every time they or anyone offers me chocolate cake I gorge on it, who's fault is it that I gained ten pounds and am more unhealthy? Theirs because I claimed I was only going to eat healthily, and they should have known better than to tempt me with chocolate cake? Or mine because I willfully scarfed down chocolate cake any time it was available instead of exercising control and taking responsibility for the choices I make? I understand that OP is hurt that he's on to the next. But he was crystal clear in every possible way about not wanting a commitment with her. He was also totally upfront about not being open to continuing beyond June--in other words, he never saw a future with her. No future, no girlfriend, not exclusive but sleeping with him = not serious. She can play victim and repeat her same mistakes with every guy who checks her boundaries and checks whether she actually means what she claims to want. Or she can learn to rein in wishful thinking, focus on listening to what a guy says rather than what she would like to hear. Generally, if a guy doesn't think you're relationship material and tells you that upfront, sleeping with him isn't going to suddenly make him change his mind. Whatever made you "not relationship" material is still there and problematic to him. Once he refuses to commit or to consider any future with you as this guy did, you can be Ms. Right Now, but you aren't going to be Ms. Right. At the end of the day, OP was responsible for enforcing her stated boundaries, not the dude who refused to ever call her his girlfriend or to consider the possibility of seeing her beyond June. This is really well said. The writting was on the wall....the OP is to blame for not reading it. You know what they say about playing with fire....
Author CalipsoRose Posted May 29, 2016 Author Posted May 29, 2016 I just wanted to update everyone on what happened after he said he was going to call after work. He never did. Big surprise, right? Not. I started freaking out so I sent him a follow up message asking about his reception on base because his calls always drop there whenever we talk so I thought maybe he's trying to call but he cant. The denial was strong. Anyway, he read the message (I can see he read it) but never replied. That was 2 days ago. We were supposed to hang out this weekend for memorial day weekend but he's probably with one of his other "hookups". At least I have peace of mind knowing I did everything I could to make this work, I tried my best. He's a player, but like the saying goes, players only play themselves - because I was willing to go the extra mile for him. Thanks to everyone who commented, you were all right.
miafarrow Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 (edited) All I know about men that they like to play stupid... Its ok to have fun with someone. But if that someone comes back... Call them and arramge a meeting. Or if he is in a base and far away.. use your phone and have a serious conversation... If someone says to you we are not a fling anymore and you just say ok... seriously? What does that mean? I would be like what are you to me now? Are you my bf? I meet your friends. I dont trust you much, so be specific.... Sorry but you blew it. He did nothing wrong. Or played you. You played yourself, sorry. I don't get it why people are dishonest. You were dishonest to him too by simply not having a serious adult conversation. He said like he is moving in June? Then you should of ask him in march about it and how its gonna be... and be an adult. If someone tells you he ****ed someone else... why did you send another text? Blaming him? For what? I mean if he didn't introduce you to his friend as his gf you should of have known back then your answer.. If someone did this to me after hanging out with his friends I d ask him. What am I too you? You didn't tell them I am your gf? Or...? And goodbyes Edited May 29, 2016 by miafarrow
desertfunguy Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 Hi, I know I am an old guy, late 40s, but wow. That guy is a total jerk. This text messaging is a bunch of nonsense. It allows people to frame their responses and not commit their tone to their words. Even typing this, I am trying to choose language that conveys my thoughts, but not knowing any of you, I cannot perceive what you will think. I cannot believe the heartlessness of some people these days. I am hanging in by my teeth in a relationship, trying to be the best guy I can be to keep things good for my kids. It is a shame that people treat each other with such disregard and then leave them scarred with these feelings. If I ever get another go at this, I am probably going to be kind of timid, but I will never mistreat anyone and hope you have better luck from here. Never tolerate cheating, and never think you deserve someone who would do that to you, especially under these circumstances. 1
miafarrow Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 (edited) Hi, I know I am an old guy, late 40s, but wow. That guy is a total jerk. This text messaging is a bunch of nonsense. It allows people to frame their responses and not commit their tone to their words. Even typing this, I am trying to choose language that conveys my thoughts, but not knowing any of you, I cannot perceive what you will think. I cannot believe the heartlessness of some people these days. I am hanging in by my teeth in a relationship, trying to be the best guy I can be to keep things good for my kids. It is a shame that people treat each other with such disregard and then leave them scarred with these feelings. If I ever get another go at this, I am probably going to be kind of timid, but I will never mistreat anyone and hope you have better luck from here. Never tolerate cheating, and never think you deserve someone who would do that to you, especially under these circumstances. You are a bit wrong with this situation... if someone is settling to be played for a couple of months and is a passive agressive type.... and if other part comes back.... and if the author acts so immature to not have selfrespect or put this guy to his feet after giving him a second chance and have an honest communication with him then i am sorry. but whose fault is it? no way that in life i am saying to someone just ok or whatever pretending they mean not a fling means serious relationship especially if someone was not sure because he was like leaving or whatever in june... i would have a serious conversation, ask him about what je wants in this relationship, what are we, what does he wants in life... having fun with someone and being dishonest is a selfdestruction.... why? because if i am giving 2nd chance to some looser, i'd like to know if he is honest or not this time and have an adult conversation because people like him are like that. just a kid... my point is if you ask a guy if he was or is seeing someone else.... that means the author is not or never was in a relationship and she knows that....so? dont blame the guy so much.... i dont think people ask boyfriends if they are seeing someone else... so she knew she he was not her bf and never was but she kept sticking to some sentence he gave her month ago... she blew it.. she had a chance to not get hurt when she gave him 2nd chance. next time if you want a bf and be serious have an adult conversation and make demans saying exactly what you want in your life and a relationship to see if you even are compatible and have the same life goals because time is wasted on wrong people Edited May 29, 2016 by miafarrow
desertfunguy Posted May 29, 2016 Posted May 29, 2016 I totally disagree with you. If someone is your boyfriend, then that would imply monogamy in my book. Especially, in the age of fatal STDs. I am not perfect, and have made my share of bad choices for sure, but leaving that aside, the guy was leading her on. She may be an easy mark, most young ladies are. I am old, but am still good looking and could do major damage if I wanted to, but I guess I have outgrown the desire to do that. Why would anyone want to hurt someone like that? Sex is easy to get in the age of social media - hook-ups are one swipe away if you are at all attractive, mentally or physically. You don't court someone one day, and then "hook-up" (eg. have sex) with someone else the next day, and act like it was no big deal. Not if you are a real man. Maybe this is what boys do now, but if you are going to be responsible with your actions and what you say, stand by your honor and take care of the human frailty that you might be damaging. I would not make excuses for that, and ask a lady to accept this as her fault, or as something that is normal. This young woman could be your daughter someday, and then what would you think?
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