hawaiitshirtman Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I don't understand... I'm so confused. Me and my girlfriend (actually fiance) have been together for just over a year. We have had a few problems.. not big ones, she messed around with this guy once when she was upset with me.. and it took me a long time to forget it and forgive her. But recently we've been fighting alot... you see, both her and me are very possessive and jealous people. Well she just moved into a new house a few weeks ago.. and she met her new neighbors... well one of them is a guy her age (I'm 18 and she's 15) and she's hung out with him 3 times... Me being the jealous person I am was initially worried... then she starts talking about him all the time... and she's always happy talking about him... That made me really suspicious and I got really jealous.. and my gut instinct was that she liked him... Well she got mad at me once I told her... her mom even called me up to tell me that they weren't interested in each other... they told me I was stupid to believe that... Long story short. i dropped it.... Then a few days ago she tells me that she can't take it and that she needs a break... I get worried and ask if she is going to be seeing other people... she says maybe.. and she says that she PROMISES that she will come back to me... I love her with all my heart and I am willing to do anything for her.. this isn't bull****. it's the real thing.. she tells me that she loves me the same. and i believed her for the longest time... I of course got really depressed and sad... and the next morning she told me that she didn't want to hurt me that way and that she was sure she wanted to be with me.... That made me happy... I was happy all day... Then that night she calls me to tell me that she needs the break... I am so confused and sad by this point that I'm a complete wreck... I keep probing because my instinct is telling me that she's not telling me something... I end up being right.... Apparently she has feelings for this guy... She told me that she wants to see where these feelings go... she wants to go out with him... but she insists that she loves me and only me.... and can never love anyone else... and that she'll come running back to me... I don't understand this... because if she is going to come back anyways.. why leave? What I feel is that she wants to see if that relationship will turn out better than ours... I'm so afraid of losing her forever... i love her with all my heart.... she promised me that she wouldn't let him mess around with her... but I don't understand... I'm afraid that it will take her too long to find out if he's going to be better.. and I don't know if I'm willing to wait that long.... if it was just like a one date thing it would be different... but she wants a relationship.... I feel that she's lied to me about her love... i feel that she's only telling me she loves me and telling me that she'll come back to keep me from doing something stupid... I'm so confused... she's only talked to/been around this guy 3 times!!! WTF!? Please help....
broken guy Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 a) you are WAYYY too young to be thinking about getting married. I mean, I was playing computer games at your age and working in a bar and never really thought about girls. b) Dont be possesive. Its unhealthy and if you are BOTH the same then that leads to trouble in my book. Just chill out and foget about her. I mean, she is 15 and your 18! Do something else and dont worry about it all. I've got 10 years on you and I didnt meet my ex until I was 24. I admit I wish I had gone through some crap when I was your age so I could have done a better job in my relationship. It's a learning curve that you have got here and, In a way, Im jealous of you!
miss-gonewest Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 She's 15 for goodness sake... I didn't know my left from my right at that age... not did I want to settle down.... Settling down to me was hanging out with the same guy at the beach for 2 days in a row. I changed my friends, my hair colour and the posters on my bedroom wall at least three times a day; and having a 'serious' boyfriend was way uncool. Sorry to break it to you, I know you are hurting, but even you know you guys are too young to settle down, surely? You are so far apart right now - and going through so many different things - emotionally, mentally and physically. Honestly, she is just beginning to mature, her hormones are just kicking in (and she has no control over those) and she will be feeling like she is on a rollercoaster right now. And trust me, the more you harrass her or try to win her back, the further you are going to drive her away.... I wish you well, but I don't think your future is with her....
Author hawaiitshirtman Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 Sorry but I know many couples who have hooked up at her age and kept it up. Her spanish teacher got married this year to his highschool sweetheart.. he also asked her to marry him when they were 15. Just because we're young doesn't mean we are stupid. Not everyone is immature in high school. And if you have that black and white viewpoint, you are going to miss out on a lot of things in life. There is no black and white, you must look at the grey. Next time I won't use our ages, if people are going to judge a book by it's cover. I came for help with the relationship with the person I love most, I wasn't expecting to be led away by the hand by someone telling me that we're too young.. I'm not a kid for Christ's sake and neither is she. I have more arguments to back this up, but they deviate too much from the topic of this post.
miss-gonewest Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Sorry - maybe I was too judgemental, and maybe I have made assumptions based on your ages... But, I was trying to get you to see things from her (or a woman's) point of view. I've been there, I know what its like to be a 15 year old girl. I don't know what its like to be an 18 year old guy - so we are no better than each other. And please do realise - you asked for advice. You aren't always going to get what you want to hear. If you really are as mature as you say you are, take it on board. You don't have to follow what we suggest - and sometimes its far easier to do the opposite. I know you want her back, and I know you want a happy ending, but sometimes life doesn't work like that. I too have had my heart broken and I've missed out on what could've been great... but it hasn't killed me yet. I've learnt and I've become a different person. I do wish you the best, but Hawaii, if things don't turn out - you will still be OK. BTW - how old is the Spanish teacher now?
broken guy Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 I agree. I know what being an 18 year old guy is like too, but I have had a hard life so maybe thats why I never really thought about girls. I dont like some of the advice I get either as people dont KNOW what I am going through in MY situation. I hate it when people say "No Contact, its bloody great! Blah blah blah." But I read their answers and I have not spoken to her for over a month. Its killing me but here I am. I did go out with a 13 year old when I was 15 (or was she 12, I forget now) and it was a stupid DISASTER!! Guys change much more than girls do at this age. So just walk away, sounds to me like she is messing with your head already, and shes ONLY 15.
Author hawaiitshirtman Posted June 23, 2005 Author Posted June 23, 2005 The spanish teacher is 25 and I don't think that no contact is the answer to most of the problems posted here even though people say that's the way, unless the other person has totally erased you from their lives. But I agree that each situation is different so I am open. if you truly love a person then you should want them to be happy most of all.. even if you aren't in the picture. I don't want her to be with me if I am not going to make her happy. Her happiness is more important to me than my own. As long as she's happy, i'll be able to live. (no, not talking about suicide. just mental stuff) I can't bear to see her unhappy. If this other guy can make her happy where I fail, then I will do everything that I can to support her. Thank You. I've been really tired... i haven't been getting much sleep and i haven't been eating much either so i'm sorry for how my last reply came out. i didn't mean to attack.. i'm just not doing so good right now
lostinmymind Posted June 23, 2005 Posted June 23, 2005 Don't wait around for her, you are both young, and you will cross paths again. You can still love someone in a platonic way for the time being. Be happy she is trying new things now, it will only help her future relationships. Whether they be with you or someone else. You say you are mature, even being so young (I'm only a year older), but the only way to learn to make good relationships is by experience and by making mistakes. Follow her lead and do some new things too.
clone Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 No offense man ... but yea, you're only 18. Man, you got soooo much to learn and grow from. Yeah, you guys could be meant for each other, but {there's} so much out there you haven't even touched yet. I'm only 23 and I know a lot of things have changed since I was 18. People who are older and tell you that you have a lot to learn, don't say that for their health. It's the truth.
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