angeleyes08 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 My boyfriend for over 2 years asked for space. He did not directly ask for space but after I told him that we need to see each other more than just on weekends and that we need to spend quality time rather than him being oh his iPad which he does often, he snapped. He told me the next day he feels stressed from work and me and just doesn't want to talk. He then said he just needs to chill and would call me the next day. He never called and instead he texted me 2 days later saying " hi, what are you doing?" . He has done this to me before and it cause us to separate for weeks. He is doing this again. Do I need to ignore him in this case? I haven't replied to his simple " what r u ding" text because I feel like i deserved more than just that. After all, I have been so patient with him. I don't bother him when he works and all I ask for is a little more time together. Should I give him way more space than he asked for and only reply when he asks to see me?
Blanco Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 This sounds like a relationship that is not fulfilling your needs. Doing some research, it appears that it hasn't been fulfilling your needs for a long time. You started a thread about this guy pulling away like this a year ago. Don't you see by now that things aren't going to change? At the two-year mark, it's perfectly reasonable to expect to see your partner more than just the weekends. This relationship sounds like it's built around what's convenient for him. So here's my advice: Go NC because you're finished with this guy, and not as a means to engage in his hot-and-cold routine.
Author angeleyes08 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 I agree. I think at this point ITS NOT acceptable. I think maybe everyone deserve to have some time to themselves when they are stressed but ignoring me for 2 days an then sending a simple text to make sure I am still around is not fair. I guess I made a mistake before by replying to him and at this point he thinks I will come around at some point. I think he thinks I am the one playing a game but why would a reply to such a cold text?
Blanco Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 It sounds like he's got five days every week to have his space from you. And the time together doesn't even sound like it's quality time. How can you two ever progress as a couple if he's overwhelmed by seeing you more than twice a week? Don't sink in years of your youth for a guy who doesn't sound like he sees you as a priority.
Author angeleyes08 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 So I assume by not replying he will hopefully understand why I am acting like this and that I am fed up! I was hoping he would be more sorry and tell me he will make changes. I started to feel like a bad person by not replying but i think if i do, i will just let him walk all over me. Silence is golden and he has left me with no other choice
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 angeleyes08 Your silence is golden angle is actually you punishing him for not being able to read your mind. That is not fair. You asked a man who you only see on weekends to pay attention to you when you are there instead of burying himself in a computer. His response was to cry stress & not call you when he said he was. At best he's rude but it sounds more like he doesn't really care about you. If he cared, he would pay attention to you. In response you want to play a game. You want to try to make him chase you. I suppose it could work because this guy sounds incredibly immature so playground behavior might work. However, as soon as he has your attention again he's going to go right back to ignoring you. Personally I'd have a face to face with him & lay out what you want / need: attention from your BF. If he is unwilling to unable to provide it, get a new BF who will.
PegNosePete Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 So I assume by not replying he will hopefully understand why I am acting like this and that I am fed up! No, your silence is giving him exactly what he wants, which is time apart. But when you still don't reply he will just think you're being unreasonable. Silence does not fix a relationship. What you need to do is sit him down and talk to him about your relationship and the way he handles problems, which is quite frankly, terribly. Relationships are fixed by open, honest communication. Not silly games or power plays. "No contact rule" is good when it's applied properly but some people seem to think it's a magic trick to control other people's minds. It's not. 1
angel.eyes Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 Let's take a step back and look at the big picture. What are you getting out of this relationship? What are you looking for out of dating? At the end of the day, both people in the relationship need to have their needs met. If they aren't, how do you see that changing, if at all? Are you okay with the same hot and cold behavior and only seeing each other on weekends for another two years? He's not here, but based on what you say, he seems comfy with the status quo and has no interest in progressing things. It's you that wants more. In terms of the relationship itself, if you're still only seeing each other on weekends, two years in, the relationship never progressed. The fact that when he does spend time on weekends with you, he's on his iPad rather than interacting with you, suggests that it may actually have taken a step back. He's pretty disengaged now. I highly doubt he was on his iPad and basically ignoring you on your first or second date. So things have regressed. Unfortunately, you're either a placeholder or he's chronically not available to give you the type of relationship you seek. It's been two years. At what point do you plan to cut your losses since it's pretty clear he's not willing to give you what you want?
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