Need with the awesome new girl across the hall

[Mr.Durden]

Ok… here’s the situation.

 

I live in this pretty urban, kinda hippie neighborhood, and a few weeks ago this really cute girl moved in across the hall. It was laundry day, and I live on the 6th floor, so we shared a few elevator rides together and talked for just a few minutes at a time.

I was taking out the garbage later that day when she had her stuff on the sidewalk waiting to be carried up so I offered to carry something for her and she accepted. It seemed like at the very least we'd become friends.

The next morning she slipped a note under my door that, to shorten it up, said something like "Hi, my name is - and I just moved in across the hall. I'd pay half your internet bill if you let me use it until I can get my own. (I think she really meant just use it forever) Here's my number, text me and let me know. or if my music is ever too loud ”

So I texted her and told her don't worry about the money, and joked how she could've just knocked, and we joked for a few texts, and I left one text kinda open ended and she didn't respond. So the next day I texted her at like 9:45 at night, and asked her if she wanted to go out for sushi. She said "ah well I'm on a bit of a tight budget with overlapping rent at my old place so maybe next month or June cuz sushi is one of those price every so often things for me, I don't think it's crazy you've never tried it but you've gotta at least give it a shot at some point yes haha" (I told her the hair cut ladies thought it was crazy I've never tried sushi)

I know something more casual would have been better for a first date but I felt uncomfortable asking her over for pizza. She’s in really good shape, and I usually am to. I played professional basketball for a year in Europe… but the doctors put me on really high doses of prednisone that ended right when I met her, and in 8 weeks I gained 6’4” and a fairly muscular 220 to a much weaker 6’4” 265. So I was a little self conscious about that, and didn’t want to ask her for something unhealthy.

But after she said maybe later, I responded with something like 'what kind of dude would I be if I didn't offer to pay for it? And told her it was my birthday and it could be like my birthday dinner, and than I said if she didn't want to go out I could cook for her. and than ended with "no pressure... you let me know. I just wanted you to know that I'd like to if you're interested.’ and nothing... no response.

 

But than like a week later I ran into her when we were coming in to the building at the same time, so we walked up to 7th floor together so the conversation was obviously short but I think it went about as good as a 1 minute conversation could go. It was really friendly and she actually seemed at least interested in the conversation. And as we were both walking into out apartments she said “I’ve been meaning to bake you cookies to thank you for the internet but I haven’t had time.” That was the end of the semester, so that made sense, but that was like 3 weeks ago. To be honest… I hate cookies. But a chance to talk to her would be nice.

 

This is where I need help… especially from females. I’m obviously really attracted to this girl, but more because she just seems so unique. I’m just more intrigued than anything and would genuinely just want to get to know her… whether that meant becoming friends or something more I really don’t know. But here’s the thing… I think it’s pretty safe to say she wasn’t interested, but as shallow as this sounds… if we did date she’d be the least attractive girl that I’ve ever dated. But the thing is, that doesn’t bother me if she’s as awesome as she seems. But we live like a block from the biggest party street in our city and everyone around here is just really into getting partied and bars and banging randoms and all that crazy stuff, and she doesn’t seem to be into that at all… and neither am I. Our apartments are so small we can tell when each other come and go because we can hear each others doors, and she’s never out late on friday or saturdays… and she sits in her apartment alone ALOT…. like all day sometimes. Do you think it’s possible that she thought I was just looking for some convienent ‘across the hall’ hookups and wasn’t really interested in getting to know her? Or maybe there’s a reason she sits inside alone so much? How do I convince her that I genuinely want to get to know her and I’m not just trying to bang, without becoming overly persistent?

(We haven’t ran into each other since that time we talked coming up the stairs a couple weeks ago)

[Lansing]

That was a LONG message but I think by you giving her your internet access for free you have basically made it hard for her to reject you out right and she will probably just drag this on/be friendly.

 

The note seemed really odd. She didnt' mention "hey, I was the girl you ran into multiple times" or anything??

 

I think you put too much pressure on her with the sushi invite especially the follow up saying you would pay and then offering to cook for her as well. Next time you are better off making one invite (something more casual like you said) and then if that doesn't work maybe follow up in a few weeks with another invite but don't keep harping on it.

 

 

I think you should forget this girl and meet someone else. Across the hall can/will be very tricky. I dated a girl in my building and even that turned really weird after we broke up.

[Mr.Durden]

Yea dude I know... dating the chick across the hall is either going to be the best thing ever or an epic disaster. But the thing is I'm not even sure I'm really trying to 'date'. She's just really unique... like her hair and her style; she just has this style like she just does what she wants and doesn't care what anyone else thinks... and that's really intriguing. Maybe I'll get to know her and not be attracted at all... or maybe I'll really like her. I have no idea.

 

All I know is I really want to get to know her and I'm really curious what made her so different.

 

But as far as the note... I think it was kinda implied that it was the 'girl you talked to several times yesterday.' Rather than her having to mention it.

 

I know I messed up with the sushi and the cooking... but try to understand my situation. I was the top .01% of basketball players in the world... and in 2 months I gained 40 pounds. I would have loved to ask her out for pizza in February... or again in June or July when I'm back in shape... but in April I was in the worst shape of my life. I didn't want to invite her on something that would make her think that this is how I am all the time.

 

But I appreciate your advice dude.

 

Lord knows as much as we can help others; we can't think straight when it's us in these situations.

What do you think about just asking her out for a walk? Our neighborhood's really dense so we could walk to like any trendy restaurant imaginable, or coffee or ice-cream or whatever.

 

And I know there's that 'rule' of don't ask someone out over text, but if I don't text her I probably won't run in to her in a way that would allow me to talk and ask her for weeks.

[Lansing]

Well, I know about the note thing. I left a note on the girls car that I wanted to date that lived in my building.

 

The thing is, you seem to invested in this one girl. I really think you should focus on yourself right now and get back into shape/etc if that is what you want for yourself. There are certain girls that have a power over us to make rational decisions. There was a girl that I met a few years ago that made me tongue tied. She really intrigued me, totally don't know what it was about her but I couldn't think straight around her and I really screwed up in terms of pursuing her. I still had those kind of feelings when I ran into her a couple of months ago after not seeing her for like 2 years.

 

So, if you want to be friendly with her and see how things go that is fine but if she is rejecting your invites or not even responding to messages that is a bad sign. That is why I say to back off completely for now. If you don't run into her then that is fine but just come across as the guy you know you are vs. someone desperate

[Mr.Durden]

yea I hear you dude.

She ignored that one message and I haven't written back to her since than... but I still think about her a lot.

The thing is, she sits at home alone ALOT, so I always wonder if maybe she's depressed or dealing with something that i could help her with.

As far as me getting in back in shape; prednisone messes up your blood sugar, and now that Im off it I loose like 2 pounds a day, so I'll be back to normal in a month or two... but to be honest, it was more enduring that she was interested when I was horribly out of shape rather than when most girls would consider me attractive. Like I figured if she's interested in getting to know me when I'm super sick and unattractive than maybe she's the type of girl I should keep around.

 

 

So give me your honest opinion. Tell me if this is stalkerish, just typical, or boring...

There's only two approaches I can think of.

 

One)

Wait to run into her (which will likely be a long, long time based on the last few weeks) and ask her out for coffee

 

or Two)

Send her a short text (the first one since I asked her for sushi) and say:

 

"Hey, I was just walking in and I heard your music playing… I haven’t seen you around in a while, and I thought you seemed super cool. I was pretty pumped to have an awesome new neighbor and I’d really like to get to know you.

Do you want to go for a walk tonight?"

(keep in mind we live in a 110 year old building so everyone can hear what every other neighbor is doing all the time)

[preraph]

She turned you down for a date, and that's it unless she reconsiders and invites you or something. She doesn't want to have to pay for internet, so she's offering cookies...Doesn't matter she's alone. Women don't go out with a man just because they have nothing better to do, usually. She might warm up to you over time, but I would leave the ball in her court for now.

[Mr.Durden]

If it makes any difference... she wanted to pay for half of the internet.

 

It was me that said no don't worry about it.

[preraph]

Really doesn't make a difference. She's still using you for internet. Hopefully she'll get her own soon but if she offered to pay, I doubt that's her plan. She's just trying to save money. Still, the ball is in her court. If your recounting of when you asked her to dinner is accurate, she sure didn't show much interest. If she really was interested, one, she probably wouldn't have not acknowledged that it was a date and let you know she'd expect to pay for her part. So right there, it tells you she's trying to keep it friendly. Then even if there was a good reason not to go or she didn't like the food, all she had to do is say, "Oh, I'd love to but not sushi and not tonight. How about this weekend?"

 

She might warm up yet, so don't get an attitude and say hi if you see her but let her make the next step. She really hasn't yet been encouraging.

[Lansing]

Yeah. If she was interested she would have plenty of ways to ask you out. She said herself she is too lazy to make you cookies even to thank you. Nothing worse than someone saying "oh, I was planning to do this nice thing for you but just never got around to do it." Usually that person never does what they say they wanted to do for you.

 

To be honest it sounds like you have what is often called "oneitis" . You are too into this girl. I woukdnt ask her out again especially not with the text you said. If you really insist on trying again maybe say "hey, heard about this new cafe that opened , going to check it out tomorrow afternoon. Want to join?" Or something simple. A "walk" could be considered intimate for some people.

 

I really think you should make am effort to date at least 2 other girls before you try to peruse this one again.