JLynn88 Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Ok so I was dumped by my boyfriend of a year, thought everything was going great until one day he said he thought we should stop seeing each other 3 weeks after moving in together. He said he needed to work on some things in his life on his own and told me not to lose hope. He also said he wasn't going to be dating anyone else. Days later he told me I should try to move on in case he doesn't come back. We talked about the breakup several times and each time I got a different answer as to why he felt like we couldn't work. Ranging from I don't want to go out enough, I didn't open up enough, and the lovely "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" line. A week after the breakup I overheard him talking to a girl on the phone, typical getting to know each other stuff. After a couple weeks (still living together) he told me he wanted to fall back in love with me and we spent 3 days together before he totally went cold. Realized a week later he was still talking to this other girl. He continued to tell me he didn't want to date anyone and said the door for us wasn't fully closed in the future. A month after the breakup I found out that he was then in a relationship with this other girl, which then I told him to get his stuff and move out. When I asked why we couldn't have worked things out he said 'Maybe there's something better out there for me." My issue in the relationship was that I'm not really an affectionate girl and he's very affection driven. He may have thought I didn't care as much with my lack of affection towards him and I also gained weight and had issues with him seeing and touching my body. Anyway, he's been with this other girl for 3 months now and I believe they're still happy. They were saying I love you on facebook within 3 weeks together, to which I unfollowed him because I didn't want to see it. She's very needy, clingy, and affectionate so he's probably eating it up. Does anyone think this is a GIGS scenario & think maybe he'll come around someday? I'd be open to working it out, but I'm not sitting around waiting either. I'm doing me, fixing myself, improving myself and trying to be better for the next guy or him if he comes back.
Zahara Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 I'm sorry this happened to you. You need to move on from him. He's lost interest in you. Even if it he left for greener pastures, you don't want let someone like this back in your life because he will hurt you again. 2
MIK3 WB Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 (edited) Ok so I was dumped by my boyfriend of a year, thought everything was going great until one day he said he thought we should stop seeing each other 3 weeks after moving in together. He said he needed to work on some things in his life on his own and told me not to lose hope. He also said he wasn't going to be dating anyone else. Days later he told me I should try to move on in case he doesn't come back. We talked about the breakup several times and each time I got a different answer as to why he felt like we couldn't work. Ranging from I don't want to go out enough, I didn't open up enough, and the lovely "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" line. A week after the breakup I overheard him talking to a girl on the phone, typical getting to know each other stuff. After a couple weeks (still living together) he told me he wanted to fall back in love with me and we spent 3 days together before he totally went cold. Realized a week later he was still talking to this other girl. He continued to tell me he didn't want to date anyone and said the door for us wasn't fully closed in the future. A month after the breakup I found out that he was then in a relationship with this other girl, which then I told him to get his stuff and move out. When I asked why we couldn't have worked things out he said 'Maybe there's something better out there for me." My issue in the relationship was that I'm not really an affectionate girl and he's very affection driven. He may have thought I didn't care as much with my lack of affection towards him and I also gained weight and had issues with him seeing and touching my body. Anyway, he's been with this other girl for 3 months now and I believe they're still happy. They were saying I love you on facebook within 3 weeks together, to which I unfollowed him because I didn't want to see it. She's very needy, clingy, and affectionate so he's probably eating it up. Does anyone think this is a GIGS scenario & think maybe he'll come around someday? I'd be open to working it out, but I'm not sitting around waiting either. I'm doing me, fixing myself, improving myself and trying to be better for the next guy or him if he comes back. You'd be willing to work it out with a someone who decides to run to the comfort of another love interest when things get tough? Sounds exactly like my ex. Keep working on you, you're on the right path. Don't go back with him even if he offers a chance. You'll just be the safety net while telling you what you want to hear right up until another girl comes around, and this cycle will repeat. Only you have the power to end this cycle. Edited May 24, 2016 by MIK3 WB 1
Author JLynn88 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 There's reasons why I think he left that were changes in my behavior. We started out being lovey dovey and then as the relationship progressed I got a desk job and gained about 50lbs and slipped into a depression that I didn't realize I was in. I stopped initiating any affection, stopped letting him see me naked, never wanted to go out anymore. Then he got 2 jobs and we barely saw each other. He asked me to move in thinking it would fix things, but right after we moved my grandfather who raised me was critical in the hospital so I was always there. Boxes weren't even unpacked when he ended things. We have been no contact for about 3 months now, but he does occasionally check my snapchat story & he may view my facebook, idk. When he started dating her they would post and tag each other on facebook nonstop, which he always said he hated couples who do that. We kept ours off of facebook, except our relationship status. Even his family confirmed that he was like that. She posts a lot about how she's needy and clingy. He has quieted down and rarely tags her in stuff or comments on her stuff, just likes it. She keeps posting stuff about her ex since she was trying to get back with him a week before they started dating. I'm just wondering if maybe its fizzling out for him there and he may be regretting his decision. I wish there was a way to tell if he was thinking about me, but there isn't. If he came back things would have to be different because I'm not the same girl I was. I've gotten out of the depression, lost a lot of weight and am still working on it, and I have a lot more confidence and have been going out and doing new things a lot. I have improved myself a lot and we would have to get to know each other before talks of reconciliation can happen.
Zahara Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 If he came back things would have to be different because I'm not the same girl I was. I've gotten out of the depression, lost a lot of weight and am still working on it, and I have a lot more confidence and have been going out and doing new things a lot. I have improved myself a lot and we would have to get to know each other before talks of reconciliation can happen. This isn't about you. This is about him. He's not going to be healthy for you. Keep improving yourself and working towards moving on from him. You do know he was probably cheating on you while he was with you. Nothing much to know about someone when they treat you this way. Aim higher and have better standards for yourself. 3
Author JLynn88 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 This isn't about you. This is about him. He's not going to be healthy for you. Keep improving yourself and working towards moving on from him. You do know he was probably cheating on you while he was with you. Nothing much to know about someone when they treat you this way. Aim higher and have better standards for yourself. Why do you think he was cheating on me? We were pretty much always together if he wasn't at work and I knew he was at work because I'd get snapchats of him at work and he was so far in debt he couldn't afford not to go to work.
Zahara Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Why do you think he was cheating on me? We were pretty much always together if he wasn't at work and I knew he was at work because I'd get snapchats of him at work and he was so far in debt he couldn't afford not to go to work. A week after ending he's already talking to another woman. She was likely in the picture while you were in the picture. He goes from having you move in, then 3 weeks later a break-up, then he tells you not to lose hope and that he wasn't going to date anyone else, and then days later he tells you to move on because he may not be back? A week into you both getting back together he's still talking to this woman? A month later he's in a relationship with her. This woman was in the picture that's why he was flip flopping with you. He let you go as soon as he secured his position with her. 1
Author JLynn88 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 I'm aware she was in the picture the whole time. I'm assuming the couple days we started to head in the direction of working it out was the same point in time she was trying to then get back with her ex. I do know he met her while he was staying with his buddy for a week after the breakup. So while we were officially together he wasn't seeing her. I was still in contact with his mother and she was completely shocked when she found out he was dating someone because he always tells her about the girls he's dating. He told her about me the day after we met and we didn't officially become a thing for a month. I think this time he was ashamed that it was so quick and wanted to keep it on the low. He told me he wasn't interested in dating anyone and then two days later she had changed her relationship status. A month after he finally changed his too.
Zahara Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 I'm aware she was in the picture the whole time. I'm assuming the couple days we started to head in the direction of working it out was the same point in time she was trying to then get back with her ex. I do know he met her while he was staying with his buddy for a week after the breakup. So while we were officially together he wasn't seeing her. I was still in contact with his mother and she was completely shocked when she found out he was dating someone because he always tells her about the girls he's dating. He told her about me the day after we met and we didn't officially become a thing for a month. I think this time he was ashamed that it was so quick and wanted to keep it on the low. He told me he wasn't interested in dating anyone and then two days later she had changed her relationship status. A month after he finally changed his too. In any case, he's not healthy for you and you need to keep improving yourself and working towards moving on. Personally, I don't believe he was the upstanding guy you think he is but that's irrelevant because you deserve better and you need to set your sights higher.
Author JLynn88 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 He was always the perfect boyfriend in my eyes and my friends and family thought the same. He told his mom I was the one he wanted to marry after 6 months. Around the 10th month is when I pretty much shut down on him attention wise. We had one "fight" if you could even call it that, which was more of a disagreement. never any yelling, just a little heated discussion that was resolved pretty easily. He said he had started to fall out of love a month before he ended things and tried really hard to make it work, however nothing was going to work without communication and effort on both parts. That was his first mistake. Even right after we moved in he would still send me paragraph texts in the middle of the day about how much he loved me. I called him out on that and he said it was so I wouldn't think anything was wrong. Looking back I do recognize that he had pulled away a good bit during that month, was less touchy feely and affectionate towards me. Sat on the couch without touching each other which was a bit odd for us, but nothing I picked up on at the time. After the breakup we got along great until he started seeing her while still living with me and then got mad when I told him to find somewhere else to live. That fight got ugly and nasty and ended with no contact.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 I agree with Zahara, in that I strongly suspect his new girlfriend was in the picture while you two were still together. And of course his mom was shocked - why on earth would he have told her he'd been seeing someone else on the sly? Obviously he wouldn't. Believe me when I say that a long-term, live-in ex-boyfriend of mine also shocked the socks right off everyone (including me) when he turned out to be cheating, too. I can't say if your ex physically cheated but I can practically guarantee they'd been getting close behind your back before you officially broke up. The timeline doesn't add up otherwise. This break-up wasn't all because of you and what you did or didn't do. It takes two people to put in effort and if he was having serious doubts about the relationship, he could have communicated that to you and tried to resolve the problems together. He didn't do that, though. The bottom line is that he chose not to work on things. He chose to leave. It's hard, I know. I have been in your shoes. But in the end, it's better if stays away. You deserve someone who wants to be with you! 1
kztar Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 A week after ending he's already talking to another woman. She was likely in the picture while you were in the picture. He goes from having you move in, then 3 weeks later a break-up, then he tells you not to lose hope and that he wasn't going to date anyone else, and then days later he tells you to move on because he may not be back? A week into you both getting back together he's still talking to this woman? A month later he's in a relationship with her. This woman was in the picture that's why he was flip flopping with you. He let you go as soon as he secured his position with her. OP the same thing happened to me and Zahara is correct as always. She gives GREAT advice. EX had a new exclusive GF a month after the breakup. NO WAY these ladies were not in the picture while we were still in the picture. Even if he wasn't physically cheating with this woman, he was clearly cheating emotionally.
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