A man who tried everything to forget...

[Cezzz]

Hello everyone.

I'm new here and I hope you can help me out.

My english is good but not perfect, so bare with me.

 

This is my story.

 

It has been 7 years now...

7 years since we last saw each other and dated.

 

I was dating this girl back in the days and thought she was the one I would spend the rest of my life with.

After dating about 1-2 months I found out that she was already dating somebody else, way before me, and that's when trouble started.

After a while we stoped seeing each other and after a year or so I dumped her. She of course wanted to see me, missed me and kept contacting me, but me, acting all proud and pretending it didn't hurt, simply moved on.

She ended getting pregnant twice by her boyfriend, that's when I lost all hope of EVER seeing/talking to her ever again.

 

Time has passed and she has sent me poems and has tried to keep in touch through Facebook, instagram, SMS, hotmail, you name it...

I NEVER replied... it must have been nerve recking for her because she kept on trying to contact me.

After 2 years she sent me a message telling me to please let's talk, that's when I said: Ok, I'll let her know I'm ok, and then tell her to NEVER talk to me again.

And of course, I was dying inside, I just wanted to see her and hug her and tell her how much I've missed her, but I'm to stubborn, cold to even dare to say something like that.

So I wrote a final message, so that she can stop contacting me. No fancy love words, just "leave me alone, I have moved on" kind of message.

She replied saying that she understands and finally she said Goodbye.

She closed that chapter... I belive.

 

The thing is this....

After AAAALLL these years, I have been in constant pain over this.

I have never been able to move on really... my mind is always thinking about her, trying to know something about her, is she OK? Is she hurt?

From time to time I look at her Facebook page, and there I saw recently a Love poem about me. Yes people, LOVE POEM about me.

And I know what you may think, go out more, meet new people, share experiences.

And yes, I have done exactly that.

I even went to the extent of dating and having sex with over 55 women... still can't get her of my mind.

I traveled to Scandinavia, lived with my brother a whole year in the city... still can't get her of my mind.

Got a great job now, well paid, created my own business... still can't get her of my mind.

 

This obsession for her is really strong, and I KNOW it's no good.

I Love her, and I MISS her SO BAD.

It's that kind of pain you feel when someone you care about dies.

I know she ended up with some other a-hole who doesn't treat her right, and that really pisses me off until this day.

Those kids could have been mine, but she decided to have them with him.

I belive she regrets to have ended up with this other person and not me, and thats the only reason she kept contacting me.

 

I know I'm stupid, BIG TIME STUPID.

I know it's stupid to think of her, I know I MUST move on, but this feeling is just stronger than life.

I'm scared to never find a girl that can make me fall in Love the way I did with her.

I admit to say that I gave up... stoped searching, stoped dating, and I've been focused on my work.

And even if contacted her, do I wanna adopt two kids who are not mine? Of course not.

 

What advice would you give to a man who has tried EVERYTHING to forget...

Just tell it to me with harsh words, I need it...

[privategal]

You made your bed.

She tried to reconcile for 2 years and now just live with it. You chose it. Your loss. It makes ZERO sense you still loved and missed her WHILE you told her dont write me ever again.

IMO you deserve this regret, this is your karma for pushing her away. Sorry.

[Satu]

*What advice would you give to a man who has tried EVERYTHING to forget...

 

*Find a good therapist and get yourself untangled.

 

 

Take care.

[mikeylo]

No sympathy.

 

You love your ego more, that's all.

[Cezzz]

You made your bed.

She tried to reconcile for 2 years and now just live with it. You chose it. Your loss. It makes ZERO sense you still loved and missed her WHILE you told her dont write me ever again.

IMO you deserve this regret, this is your karma for pushing her away. Sorry.

 

I pushed her away cause she was pregnant with her other boyfriend.

But of course I was destroyed inside at the same time.

I camouflaged the pain being a bit of an a-hole with her...

If I acted needy and "please come back", that would have been worse.

I guess my EGO and reputation was bigger.

 

What should I have done? Ask her to come back while pregnant?

You know that's not possible...

[Cezzz]

*Find a good therapist and get yourself untangled.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you.

 

Time to see a specialist I think...

[Cezzz]

No sympathy.

 

You love your ego more, that's all.

 

Maybe, but what other option did I have?

[MIK3 WB]

I honestly have no idea why some of these posters are attacking you. She was dating someone else while dating you, and they're blaming you for dumping her and ceasing contact with her. Maybe I'm missing something here.

 

Anyway, I think the problem is that you're focusing on the good times, and that's what's making you miss her so much for all this time. You need to focus on how she wronged you, and eventually you won't be missing her so much, but rather wil be glad that she is gone.

[AT15]

Indont have harsh words for you. I'm going to say that's it's not over until you or her is dead send her a "how are you?" FBI message. Or tell me who she is and I'll send this to her. So , she knows her love was genuinely reciprocated, but your fear had more power than your love.

[AT15]

I honestly have no idea why some of these posters are attacking you. She was dating someone else while dating you, and they're blaming you for dumping her and ceasing contact with her. Maybe I'm missing something here.

 

Anyway, I think the problem is that you're focusing on the good times, and that's what's making you miss her so much for all this time. You need to focus on how she wronged you, and eventually you won't be missing her so much, but rather wil be glad that she is gone.

 

They moved passed that. They dated for a year more and then her broke up with her. And forgiveness is what would have healed that relationship and he would be growing old with the person who is the love of your life.

[mikeylo]

We all have to live with the decisions that we make. You chose your ego and " reputation ". Now live with them. I guess it's ego again that is not letting you move on. How could she move on ??

 

Get therapy.

[keiji]

I've recommended therapy and NC many times here. Not this time. She's reached out in the past. She's (recently?) posted a poem about you on FB. You love her. You miss her. Apparently she feels the same way. She made a mistake in the past. So what? Contact her and tell her you love her. It's the truth, isn't it? what can you lose? Don't let your ego stand in the way now. If she rejects you, you're even. Close the door and throw away the key. But try first. Pride can be a real b****.

[LostOnes05]

I honestly have no idea why some of these posters are attacking you. She was dating someone else while dating you, and they're blaming you for dumping her and ceasing contact with her. Maybe I'm missing something here.

 

Anyway, I think the problem is that you're focusing on the good times, and that's what's making you miss her so much for all this time. You need to focus on how she wronged you, and eventually you won't be missing her so much, but rather wil be glad that she is gone.

 

I was thinking the exact same thing. Trust is the foundation of ANY relationship. She was untrustworthy and he still tried to make it work for a while. He ended it and because of the amount of effort she put in trying to get him back, he remembers the good times.

 

Dude if you would've stayed it's likely she would've bounced between you and the ex ad nauseam. I mean she was contacting you when she was back with the other guy right? (maybe I got that detail wrong).

[Cezzz]

They moved passed that. They dated for a year more and then her broke up with her. And forgiveness is what would have healed that relationship and he would be growing old with the person who is the love of your life.

 

Forgiving was to late, she was already pregnant while contacting me... the relationship was dead.

But still, she want's to stay in touch.

[Cezzz]

We all have to live with the decisions that we make. You chose your ego and " reputation ". Now live with them. I guess it's ego again that is not letting you move on. How could she move on ??

 

Get therapy.

 

I will get therapy of some sorts.

But when a person keeps contacting you after 7 years with a husband and two kids... did she really moved on?

[urmysong]

I think You really want to reconcile with her but the 2 kids she got from other man stopping You because You don't want the kids who are not Yours.

[Cezzz]

I've recommended therapy and NC many times here. Not this time. She's reached out in the past. She's (recently?) posted a poem about you on FB. You love her. You miss her. Apparently she feels the same way. She made a mistake in the past. So what? Contact her and tell her you love her. It's the truth, isn't it? what can you lose? Don't let your ego stand in the way now. If she rejects you, you're even. Close the door and throw away the key. But try first. Pride can be a real b****.

 

That would be a beautiful story to tell.

But this is real life... and I can't just say I love her out of nowhere.

Kinda creepy, don't ya think?

Let's not forget she's got two kids and this other guy.

I don't wanna destroy a family. Of course not.

 

I'm undecided... talk or NO talk.

I fear the rejection as well.

It's HARD.

[Cezzz]

I think You really want to reconcile with her but the 2 kids she got from other man stopping You because You don't want the kids who are not Yours.

 

I LOVE kids, but I can't take care of children who are not my blood.

So yeah, they are an obstacle.

That's just me.

[dreamingoftigers]

You dated for a couple of months.

 

I think that you've romanticized this relationship for some reason and social media keeps spurring it on.

 

It's really time to go TOTAL NC.

 

And see an EMDR therapist.

Something has you latched here.

[Cezzz]

Even if I do contact her... what do I even say?!

I already told her all these things about me moving on and that I don't care anymore bs...

How do you come back after that?

[Cezzz]

You dated for a couple of months.

 

I think that you've romanticized this relationship for some reason and social media keeps spurring it on.

 

It's really time to go TOTAL NC.

 

And see an EMDR therapist.

Something has you latched here.

 

Well, I actually typed that wrong, it was a whole year aprox...

[LD1990]

I LOVE kids, but I can't take care of children who are not my blood.

So yeah, they are an obstacle.

That's just me.

 

An obstacle?!? I think you need to let go of the fantasy. Her children are not an obstacle. You don't know what her relationship with this guy is like. I don't see how you could know this love poem is about you, unless a woman who is in a relationship is posting love poems with your name in them on Facebook.

 

She cheated on you and had kids with someone else. It has been over a long time. Part of the reason you have trouble letting her go is likely just regret that you haven't found someone, not some undying love for this woman.

 

Contacting her is just wrong. You'd be trying to break up a relationship between two parents. There is no fairy tale ending here. You're not going to swoop in and then she'll abandon her kids with the father so you two can live happily ever after.

[Cezzz]

An obstacle?!? I think you need to let go of the fantasy. Her children are not an obstacle. You don't know what her relationship with this guy is like. I don't see how you could know this love poem is about you, unless a woman who is in a relationship is posting love poems with your name in them on Facebook.

 

She cheated on you and had kids with someone else. It has been over a long time. Part of the reason you have trouble letting her go is likely just regret that you haven't found someone, not some undying love for this woman.

 

Contacting her is just wrong. You'd be trying to break up a relationship between two parents. There is no fairy tale ending here. You're not going to swoop in and then she'll abandon her kids with the father so you two can live happily ever after.

 

That was a dumb thing I said, about kids being an obstacle. That's true!

And that poem had my name and "nickname she invented" on it... but nevermind.

 

And yes, it's true I have not been able to find another woman that can make me change my way of thinking.

I've met SOOO MANY... just gave up man.

 

I feel like this thread is becoming a never ending spiral.

[keiji]

That would be a beautiful story to tell.

But this is real life... and I can't just say I love her out of nowhere.

Kinda creepy, don't ya think?

Let's not forget she's got two kids and this other guy.

I don't wanna destroy a family. Of course not.

 

I'm undecided... talk or NO talk.

I fear the rejection as well.

It's HARD.

 

Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought she was no longer with her kids' father. That changes everything, of course. However, I don't post poems about an old love if my relationship is going fine.

 

And no, it's not creepy. It's happened to me, and it's nice to get a message out of nowhere telling you that after all these years, they still love you and think of you every day. If you feel affection for that person, even if you've moved on, how can you take such a message badly?

 

Don't discard the possibility that you're idealizing her. Perhaps if you speak, the fantasy will vanish for good.

[mikeylo]

Well, your attitude is appalling! No wonder she chose the other guy, irrespective of everything.

 

She might not even like you anymore.