candy 87 Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 This is a little bit complicated. Me and this guy we started off as really good friends for like a couple of years. At the time he was talking to this other girl who he had a brief relationship with for about five months I'd say n then she left the country. and I was in to someone else too. He only spoke to the girl over the phone and messaged her, but they never saw each other. We started meeting up more often and then he ended up telling me he likes me a lot and that he has . feelings for me. I was surprised because from his end all he ever seemed to do was look at other girls everytime we met up like and then he would look through my phone and talk to all my.friends. He said at the time he was compensating. To be fair at the time I was in love.with some one else. BUT that other guy had left my life but I was finding it hard to move on. N here was this new guy telling me had feelings but I couldn't let myself be fully engaged or.give.him what he wanted, which was like a proper relationship. I even asked him at the time what about this other girl that hes talking to and he simply said he would drop her for me and slowly stop contact with her. He seemed quite adament at the time he was serious about me and he talked about marriage and kids even, not necessarily in a serious way but hinting he saw me as potentially being his wife. Forward like a year, now I'm way more in to him than I was before but I have no idea how he feels. As at tht time he would talk about his feelings. But we still meet up as before and he actually treats me like we are dating in the sense that he's physical. As in hugging and kissing. But when I say to him he doesn't tell me how he feels.and how hes emotionless he says I have a lot of making up to do because of the fact that a year ago I didn't give.him what he wanted. Also I know for a fact he stil talks to the girl he used to go out with, And that he says the usual things a guy would say to a girl he likes as Iv read his messages.to her before. When I mention that he goes quiet and doesn't say a word. Long story short it's like he's physically affectionate wit me but he doesn't show it with his words, n when I say anything he says I expect evrythng from him but give.him nothing and at the same time he's still in contact with the girl he used to date and I suspect is being quite expressive with her. But I don't actually know who he likes or who he really.wants. In terms of meeting up he's fine with that..but it has cut down a lot. Before we used to meet up twice a week, now its every few weeks or he always has a reason why he can't. I dont really make a fuss over it but he tells me dont I see or realise he doesnt put much effort in to seeing me. And then hes like apparently its because of what I was like with him nearly a year ago now. I think isnt it high time he got over that. When I'm not around and I get fed up he will suddenly be all like where we're you where did you go and imply that he missed me, yet not try to contact me himself first. An we always end up arguing hw a couple would. I just think do you want me to do everything first.
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 As long as you continue to make things easy for him & you don't require more then what he's giving, which is not much, he'll show up once in a while because it's convenient. You want a relationship. He doesn't. If he did, you'd already be in one. 2
Author candy 87 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 As long as you continue to make things easy for him & you don't require more then what he's giving, which is not much, he'll show up once in a while because it's convenient. You want a relationship. He doesn't. If he did, you'd already be in one. In no way do I make things easy for him. He wants to go the full way physically, but In a year by the way I havn't given it to him. Even though he makes all sorts of comments about me like im not a woman im more of a child as I havn't given myself to him fully. In his opinion from what i gathered, when he wanted more I didnt make much effort as he perceived me giving more to another guy I was interested in at the time. He did want a relationship as he actually said he would drop the other girl for me If i agreed to it. but i wasnt in the right head space. Obviously as time has gone on my feelings for him have grown and are a lot more advanced now. when we meet up it will always look to others like he treats me as his other half. Hes very affectionate. With me its more I want more verbal recognition, he says if i want that i should be more giving to him. By giving I think he probably means sexually. I dunno maybe guys are different they give more when the woman gives in tht sense.
Toodaloo Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Candy this guy is keeping you about because he knows if he carries on he will get you into bed. Leave him behind and move on to a better quality of man. You are not all that interested, he is not all that interested so why the drama? Take up fishing or golf or paint your nails or something to entertain yourself. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 making things easy for him is about more then giving him sex. You talk to him. You show up when he asks. You allow the physical affection but I gather he has yet to take you on a proper date. He presses you for sex & insults you (saying you are a child not a woman) but you are still there. You view him as your "other half". In fact he's just a guy with bad timing who pressures you for sex without commitment. 3
Cinnamonstix Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 This guy sounds like a real ass-hat. Do not buy his excuse about your past treatment of him. He is not that into you. He is trying to guilt-trip and manipulate his way into bed with you. Good for you for not giving in. But you are asking the wrong question. Who cares how he feels about you? How does his treatment of you make you feel? It doesn't matter if he acts like your boyfriend in public. Your needs are clearly not being met in this non-relationship. He is not worth another minute. 2
Author candy 87 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 Candy this guy is keeping you about because he knows if he carries on he will get you into bed. Leave him behind and move on to a better quality of man. You are not all that interested, he is not all that interested so why the drama? Take up fishing or golf or paint your nails or something to entertain yourself. he knows im a stubborn person and i havnt given him that for well over a year now, i told him if he wants tht he can get it off someone else, he says he doesnt want it with anyone else, to be fair there was this girl who literally putit on a plate for him andhe came and told me he said no to her
Author candy 87 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 This guy sounds like a real ass-hat. Do not buy his excuse about your past treatment of him. He is not that into you. He is trying to guilt-trip and manipulate his way into bed with you. Good for you for not giving in. But you are asking the wrong question. Who cares how he feels about you? How does his treatment of you make you feel? It doesn't matter if he acts like your boyfriend in public. Your needs are clearly not being met in this non-relationship. He is not worth another minute. to be honest i feel rubbish a lot of the time when it comes to him.. because we started off as friends he has been in my life a pretty long time, it has beenyears now, i just dont get how someone who has beem that close to me mfor so long can treat me like that. But according to him he still says i had it all and i let it go when he was interested in me a year back but i wasnt all there completely, he did say he felt really bad at the time
Buddhist Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 No-one needs to decipher anything here. Forget what anyone tells you 99% of the time whatever comes out of someone's mouth is a lie designed to get them what they want. Most people are sadly incapable of being honest. The real motivation for what they want can never be known unless you are them. Bottom line - if he's not spending time with you and putting his attention on you, move on as quickly as possible. This won't end well. 1
Author candy 87 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 No-one needs to decipher anything here. Forget what anyone tells you 99% of the time whatever comes out of someone's mouth is a lie designed to get them what they want. Most people are sadly incapable of being honest. The real motivation for what they want can never be known unless you are them. Bottom line - if he's not spending time with you and putting his attention on you, move on as quickly as possible. This won't end well. unfortunately im a pretty honest person and i tend to believe what people say dont get me wrong when we meet up its alright..and when we talk its ok too..however he doesnt ever initiate which is annoying.
Buddhist Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 dont get me wrong when we meet up its alright..and when we talk its ok too..however he doesnt ever initiate which is annoying. That's what I'm saying. Honesty is in someone's action. His actions say he isn't that interested.
Author candy 87 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 That's what I'm saying. Honesty is in someone's action. His actions say he isn't that interested. when I mention it he says he is holding back and he eve admitted he stopped seeing me.as much as before n he says it's because of how I let.him down before apparently. so do you think he is interested in the other girl? This was.someome he was willing to stop contact with for me a year back.
Toodaloo Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 he knows im a stubborn person and i havnt given him that for well over a year now, i told him if he wants tht he can get it off someone else, he says he doesnt want it with anyone else, to be fair there was this girl who literally putit on a plate for him andhe came and told me he said no to her Whoopie do... Candid as this may sound I have always know who I can and can not get into bed. Sometimes it takes a couple of years of grinding them down. If I can be bothered I just keep them on the side lines and carry on then sleep with them when I want and move on... AND I am not one who tends to do that. This guy is a cad. Just get him out of your life and get a hobby other than drama with idiot blokes. What he is doing is CLASSIC PUA tactics. He may well have been around for ages but you admit you feel rubbish around him. If he were going to step up he would have done it by now. His words do not match his actions. He is just keeping you on the back burner for later when you finally do give in. Which you will if he just carries on. Because that is what always happens when women (and guys) accept this sort of behaviour... Simple way to start feeling better and solve the problem is not to accept it and just get him out of your life.
Author candy 87 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Whoopie do... Candid as this may sound I have always know who I can and can not get into bed. Sometimes it takes a couple of years of grinding them down. If I can be bothered I just keep them on the side lines and carry on then sleep with them when I want and move on... AND I am not one who tends to do that. This guy is a cad. Just get him out of your life and get a hobby other than drama with idiot blokes. What he is doing is CLASSIC PUA tactics. He may well have been around for ages but you admit you feel rubbish around him. If he were going to step up he would have done it by now. His words do not match his actions. He is just keeping you on the back burner for later when you finally do give in. Which you will if he just carries on. Because that is what always happens when women (and guys) accept this sort of behaviour... Simple way to start feeling better and solve the problem is not to accept it and just get him out of your life. its ironice because when me and him were friends, like nothing more at all. He saw there were other guys i was in contact with who were actually PUA, and he told warned me not to go for them. later on when he told me his feelings and kept mentioning sleeping together, he said its different because iv known him longer and his feelings started growing for me, to be fair those other guys i barely even knew a month or two and they were already asking to go to hotels. how do you think he feels about the other girl? do you think he is capable of being really into someone. because even with her he said if i was ready to go into a relationship he would stop contact with her completely. but obviously i didnt so he still kept up contact. he doesnt see her as she is in another country but they are very very soppy with one another. she literally tells him she loves him everyday.
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