Are we still "dating" or in a relationship. I just don't know after 4 months!

[Gonegrl50]

Hi! I'm new here . I'm crazy in love with a man (47)and we've been together for 4 months. We do a lot together and separately as well. He sleeps over my place every other weekend when he doesn't have custody of his son. He also has a 22 year old daughter that lives with him so we don't have private time at his place much if any. We go out a lot and every now and then I like to pay my half of the bill. Just recently he responded with my request to get tickets for an event . He replied with "well we are dating I'll get the tickets"... I'm not sure what this means. I don't always expect him to pay do sometimes I will offer. Sometimes he accepts but not usually.

 

So two months into our relationship he invited me to his yearly family vacation with him at the beach in New Jersey. Just his kids and his sisters at the beach . I said to check with his sisters first . Now its two months later and he's throwing hints that it might not be a good idea for me to go as his sister is not sure if there is enough "room" for me. Not sure what to think. He hasn't mentioned it in the past few weeks and without sounding like a bitch I would like to know if I am still invited or not. He left it at "let's just wait and see" . It's a month away and I have requested the time off but not sure if I should go not. I feel the polite thing to do would be to back out. But I don't want to give him the impression I don't want to go. Also he is visiting same sisters this holiday weekend and has not invited me. I'm just a bit confused and not angry but I have no idea in where I stand. He has mentioned meeting his sisters a few times but he's not invited me to do so. How can I bring this up gracefully without coming off as being bitchy or controlling ?

 

 

Any thoughts thank you so much!

[Gonegrl50]

Help please. I'm not sure how to approach this with the guy in with. It's been 4 months and we haven't even confirmed if we are exclusive or not. He invited me along on his family vacation early in our relationship and now two months later i can't seem to get an answer if the invitation is still valid. It's just his two sisters and their kids and husbands and his two kids that go. When I inquired about it about a month ago regarding how long it would take to get there (after he invited me) he said that we need to wait and see as his sister is not son sure they will have room for me. It's about 4 weeks until the vacationand he and his daughter have talked about it in front of me but not one word as to if I am still invited or not. How do I ask ? Maybe he's embarrassed that me asked me too early and is having regrets or maybe his sister said no and he can't tell me I don't know but I would love to have an answer either way. How would you approach this?

[Gaeta]

Make it easy on him and tell him something came up and you won't be able to go.

 

It was a mistake of him to invite you along without checking with his family first when he is not organizing the trip himself and he'll be relying on others for transportation.

[PegNosePete]

You seem to have some pretty serious communication problems here. First, why haven't you confirmed if you're exclusive or not? Second, why do you let him get away with not giving you an answer?

 

If I were you I'd tell him look, I need to know if I'm coming on this holiday or not. Please give me a YES or NO answer. If you tell me anything other than YES like "maybe" or "we'll see" then I will assume it's a NO and cancel my leave. And while we're at it, what is the status of our relationship? Are you serious about me or not? Are you dating others?

 

That is what I'd do. But then I prefer the no-nonsense approach lol. You seem to be letting him give you wishy-washy answers to your valid questions.

[Toodaloo]

Do not go.

 

If his sister is getting funny about it then just leave them to go have their holiday. Go and do something else instead.

 

If I am blunt. The sister is probably looking forward to spending time with her brother and doesn't want to be ousted by "the new girl" and being the third wheel/ gooseberry.

 

Let her have him and have some fun. Relax and don't worry about it.

[d0nnivain]

I have a policy: I don't go on family vacations unless I'm a member of the family.

 

 

The invitation came way too early in your relationship. Assume it was never made & that you are not going. Even if the invitation gets re-issued, turn it down. A non-exclusive GF of a few months has no business on a family vacation.

 

 

If you want clarification about the rest if it, especially exclusivity, ask. If you don't get a straight answer, that is your answer -- no you are not exclusive. Make appropriate decisions for yourself accordingly.

[kendahke]

Help please. I'm not sure how to approach this with the guy in with. It's been 4 months and we haven't even confirmed if we are exclusive or not. He invited me along on his family vacation early in our relationship and now two months later i can't seem to get an answer if the invitation is still valid. It's just his two sisters and their kids and husbandsand his two kids that go. When I inquired about it about a month ago regarding how long it would take to get there (after he invited me) he said that we need to wait andsee as his sister is not so sure they will have room for me. It's about 4 weeks until the vacationand he and his daughter have talked about it in front of me but not one word as to if I am still invited or not. How do I ask ? Maybe he's embarrassed that me asked me too early and is having regrets or maybe his sister said no and he can't tell me I don't know but I would love to have an answer either way. How would you approach this?

 

Get your answer by telling him you're not going to go.

 

You have been uninvited the chicken isht way.

[Lois_Griffin]

Ugh, stop waiting to hear whether you're invited or not. That's so degrading.

 

If he can't even have the friggen decency to be honest and up front with you about it, then stop hanging around hoping he'll throw you a few crumbs.

 

Not only would I no longer WANT to go (it sounds like a nursery school vacation with a bunch of screaming kids anyway), but I'd already have plans for when he's gone. And even if those plans are to watch crops grow at the local farm, it would still probably be a lot more fun.

[Gonegrl50]

Thank you!

[TaraMaiden2]

You have 2 threads running and in the other you mention the guy's age, but not yours. He's 47 with a 22-year-old daughter....

My guess is that you're quite a bit younger than he is.

 

This is a mistake.

Drop off his radar and go No Contact.

Of course, the fact that he is ghosting you is a huge clue as to how successful you will be.

 

(Hint: Very.)

[Gonegrl50]

Thanks all. FYI the plan was that he and myself and his two kids were driving up together and meeting there..(they rent a beach house). Yup making other plans. He's going up this holiday weekend also with his kids and I hoping I would get invited but I'm not counting on that either. WHat confused me is that he said his sister was "thrilled" at the idea of meeting me so I assumed it was all good. He said he told her a lot about me and that made me feel good and hopeful. Now its crickets so I am just making other plans.

[Toodaloo]

Meeting you is different from having an entire holiday with a random stranger that you have not met before.

 

No way would I want to go on holiday with someone like that.

 

Go on holiday with your friends instead. Leave him and his sister to have their fun with the kids.

 

If you go then you or the sister will end up being gooseberry. No good, not fun and yes I am with the sister on this one.

 

Its only 4 months so go off and have your own fun with out him.

[Lois_Griffin]

Please read the book, "Why Men Love B*itches."

 

No, it has nothing to do with being a b*itch. It has everything to do with NOT living your life just to be available for a man, which is exactly what you've been doing. It gets you taken for granted, taken advantage of, and eventually, disregarded for it.

 

Read the book.

[katiegrl]

Thanks all. FYI the plan was that he and myself and his two kids were driving up together and meeting there..(they rent a beach house). Yup making other plans. He's going up this holiday weekend also with his kids and I hoping I would get invited but I'm not counting on that either. WHat confused me is that he said his sister was "thrilled" at the idea of meeting me so I assumed it was all good. He said he told her a lot about me and that made me feel good and hopeful. Now its crickets so I am just making other plans.

 

Sounds like when first he met you, he was all gung ho, excited, high on the newness, and jumped the gun by inviting you.

 

Since then, now two months later, he has lost some (or even most) of his original luster.

 

In short he invited you two months ago but has changed his mind.

 

Good you are making other plans.

 

If it were me I would continue making other plans, even after he returns.

[d0nnivain]

If the Jersey shore was a day trip away from where you are, I would tell you to go down for 1 day. Since you are coming from Pittsburgh, you should not go at all. It's way too soon for you to be sharing a house with his extended family. Assuming his 22 year daughter is OK with you, that doesn't mean his sisters want to explain you to their children especially if they are younger. It would quite hypocritical of the family to say to teens -- wait until marriage -- while their uncle's new GF shares his bed on a family vacation. Your presence at this early stage is far too disruptive.

 

 

If you want to know if you are exclusive, you need to talk to your BF. He's the only one who can answer that Q.

[stillafool]

How old are you?

 

Why can't you just ask him "Am I still invited to go to the Jersy Shore?" "If not, let me know so I can make other plans." It really is that simple.

[katiegrl]

How old are you?

 

Why can't you just ask him "Am I still invited to go to the Jersy Shore?" "If not, let me know so I can make other plans." It really is that simple.

 

If it were not so obvious that she *is* uninvited, I would advise this too.

[Robert]

Moderator note: we merged two threads on the same subject matter but did not delete any posts. Discontinuity should be minimal but some subject matter may have been repeated. Thank you. ~6

[Gonegrl50]

BTW he is 47 and I am 50 as I believe as someone had asked if I was much younger. I am older if that matters

[TaraMaiden2]

Dare I say then (this coming from someone approximately 10 years your senior) that really, you should know better?

 

I mean, if someone makes it obvious after a couple of attempts to contact them, that they are not inclined to respond - once it's possible they missed it, twice is a little too much of a coincidence - the most advisable thing to do is to back off, 'maintain radio silence' and wait for them to contact you, without putting your life on hold.

 

I'm not being insulting, but it rather sounds a little like desperation, on your part.

 

Little over-eager... (ETA: as you said yourself, you're "crazy in love"....)

 

That's designed to help you see through the fog, not to criticise...

 

Apologies if I have you wrong.

It's difficult, with nothing but black words on a white page....