Cirilla Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Hi everyone! Some people may remember my story although I don't post much. Long story short, long-term boyfriend (4 years) broke up with me at the beginning of last year in a premeditated, intentionally cruel way and then strung me along for a month. When he finally said there was no way we could reconcile, I went NC and stayed that way. My healing has been leaps and bounds and everyone says I did a bang-up job working on my own life. He tried to get me back later on by attempting manipulation (threatening to date others if I didn't take him back, saying I'd be a terrible person if I didn't) but by then I wanted none of it. Ran into him a few months ago but ignored him and bounced back. NC all the way. But come to find out he'll be at an event that I'll be attending in a month or so. When I read that, I felt dread. I certainly never want him back and would be perfectly fine never seeing him again. But for some reason I still dread seeing him and the possibility of watching him (and maybe a new gf) being all happy and coming into a circle of friends and colleagues that I've spent all this time building. I think it goes beyond merely being petty--I find the thought of seeing him again genuinely upsetting. And we're very similar in our personalities and interests so I'm afraid everyone who hasn't met him will be asking us if we know each other or that someone will try and bring us together. Are these feelings and fears normal? Some people might say I should be over it by now, but it was a long relationship that had been on the rocks (he'd thrown someone else in my face at one point and I couldn't get past it) along with an intentionally cruel breakup and an intentionally cruel and manipulative attempt to get me back...
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Normal is a loaded word. You feel what you feel & whatever you feel is OK. I'm not a big fan of confrontation & no one likes to have their heart broken. Here this guy hurt you & you possibly fear that seeing him again will be a negative experience so it's perfectly reasonable that you would not look forward to this. It's only problematic if a year later, this break up is keeping you from living the rest of your life. Plan some coping strategies for the event where he may be. Go & have a good time. You with a smile on your face, not giving him a care in the world is the best revenge. 1
keiji Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Of course it is. It's someone you associate consciously and unconsciously with a painful time of your life, so it's natural that you don't want to re-visit the source of pain in any way.
privategal Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 A year isnt alot if you dated 4 years of course there will be residual feelings that arent completely healed yet. Id confide in a few close friends that he is an ex, that you will need support getting through the event. I would treat him as a stranger and stay busy and engaged with other friends. Im guessing you cant avoid going? Until you are completely indifferent its best to not be where he is.
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