Skippy1988 Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 (edited) So I met this older woman last October. We agreed to be FWB only. After our first hangout we started texting each other and it really flowed. After 4 months down the line, she talks about her feelings as I do bc I developed them as well. She said "You have to think about what you want to do because I can't give you kids". Fast foward to 6 months after initially dating and I tried to be her BF but she said she can't. A few weeks later, I tell her i met a girl and she starts crying saying we can work it out long term. pleading me not to leave, but I do bc I think of the kids thing. She heart broken. We continued to text then I broke it off with this new girl (this month) d bc I missed my FWB. And so i try to ask my FWB to have me back but I ask "can we have more than we had before". And her response was "I'm sorry I can't do that b/c you hurt me. I can give you what we had before but thats the best I can do right now". I always have loved this girl and I made up my mind to be with her b/c I loved her so much that I didn't care about the no kids thing and she has 2 of her own I can grow to love. Notes: - we have amazing chemistry and an amazing connection. - We have both said we love each other. She said she will always love me - She said she never has had such a connection with anyone as she has with me except her ex husband of 20 years. -i'm pretty sure she's over me tho, she has since rejoined match.com and been on a lot. She also changed her recommended age range from 38-53 to 28-49 - we never really text anymore and when we do shes not the same (used to text all day every day) - we treated this whole situation like BF GF relationship - She also has said she can't commit to me tho b/c her heart has been broken (by me) TL;DR So should I go back to having sex with her if I want to win her back? Is she holding some hope for me? I think it would slowly bring back her feelings for me? Edited May 25, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraph edit ~ V
CarrieT Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Too much drama and yet another reason to get involved with a FWB because someone always gets hurt. Move on and date someone your own age. Also, do you want to be a stepdad? 3
kendahke Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Just leave her be. Continuing to have sex with her is just messy. She cut it off when you asked for more. When you found someone else, she pretty much decided that she's the victim, you hurt her (after she cut you off) so she has to "protect" herself from you. It could be a manipulation ploy to keep you coming around, but seriously--she's now actively looking for young men with whom she still can't have children, so she's pretty much lining up her own pain if she tells them what she's told you. She's got issues and that's something you don't need to be taking on. 1
SilverAccount Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 I agree with the above, just staying have sex can get really messy, no contact and cut your ties, plenty more fish in the sea.
Author Skippy1988 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 Just leave her be. Continuing to have sex with her is just messy. She cut it off when you asked for more. When you found someone else, she pretty much decided that she's the victim, you hurt her (after she cut you off) so she has to "protect" herself from you. It could be a manipulation ploy to keep you coming around, but seriously--she's now actively looking for young men with whom she still can't have children, so she's pretty much lining up her own pain if she tells them what she's told you. She's got issues and that's something you don't need to be taking on. Well what originally happened was she said we can't be together but once I told her I met a girl she pleaded me to stay and I didn't. So it's almost like I broke up with her but I want her back now.
Author Skippy1988 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 So my ex and I split. I was just wondering, she has a kid with type 2 diabetes and I was thinking about making a donation in her honor to the American Diabetes Association. I was wondering if this would help in her coming back. Showing how much I truly care about her and her family Any thoughts if this will bring her back?
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 It sounds like you are trying to buy her. Also how does doing that address any of the issues which broke you up in the 1st place? 1
Author Skippy1988 Posted May 24, 2016 Author Posted May 24, 2016 It sounds like you are trying to buy her. Also how does doing that address any of the issues which broke you up in the 1st place? Well it's a very thoughtful gift to show her I care, bc I do. I would do things in addition to this
iServe Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 How hopeful is a relationship built on the physical when you're aging by the day? Will your relationship with her be rebuilt based on your performance? Defining what you need in an intimate relationship may be a question to seriously consider moving forward with whom ever. For example: Write down 7 to 10 characteristics that you need from a close friend? How do you envision the relationship functioning? What are 5-7 values that would be essential to a healthy relationship? I hope that these questions will give you a broader vision moving forward. I recognize how her heart and yours could be broken and burdened. The investments you both made where substantial mentally, emotionally, and physically. Healing takes time. I've heard it said that hind sight can be twenty/twenty. If you could have a due over, what would you change or handle differently? The heart of another is a precious gift to be handled carefully and respectfully. The best to you as you move forward.
Blanco Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Not gonna lie: this made me cringe. Not because I think you don't mean well, but because this is so transparently obvious of an act that she would have to be a moron not to see what your angle is. What caused the split? 4
Author Skippy1988 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 Not gonna lie: this made me cringe. Not because I think you don't mean well, but because this is so transparently obvious of an act that she would have to be a moron not to see what your angle is. What caused the split? I left her 2 months ago be she couldn't have kids (43) but after being away from her I decided that I don't want any either and she has 2 kids of her own. So I feel like its not a normal reason people break up, we didn't fight, were very compatible, amazing chemistry, always got along, understand each other, has same values. She's still hurt she says (we were FWB originally) then developed feelings and I thought she wouldn't date me but right before I left she said she wanted to be with me and how "we can make this work", I continued to walk away but it was hard for me. I went to hangout with a younger girl my age
lana-banana Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 "I thought we had different priorities and realized our relationship wasn't going to work, but after he made a donation to the American Diabetes Association I realized we belonged together." If you can imagine her saying that with a straight face then sure, by all means. 2
Author Skippy1988 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 "I thought we had different priorities and realized our relationship wasn't going to work, but after he made a donation to the American Diabetes Association I realized we belonged together." If you can imagine her saying that with a straight face then sure, by all means. It's more a gift to show her I care and Love her. This in addition to going over there and apologizing my heart out I hope works
Author Skippy1988 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 So my ex and I split. I was just wondering, she has a kid with type 2 diabetes and I was thinking about making a donation in her honor to the American Diabetes Association. I was wondering if this would help in her coming back. Showing how much I truly care about her and her family Any thoughts if this will bring her back? She said we can hangout like before but that she can't commit bc I hurt her. I'm thinking maybe seeing her and having sex with her will work to get her back as well as it was always a very bonding situation for us
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 It won't work. From what you said to her, she thinks you think she is at best past her prime at worst defective. Sorry but it's highly unlikely that a charitable donation will ever cause her to forgive you for that .
Author Skippy1988 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 It won't work. From what you said to her, she thinks you think she is at best past her prime at worst defective. Sorry but it's highly unlikely that a charitable donation will ever cause her to forgive you for that . Not at all. we talked about this issue before. She at first said it can't workout bc she can't give me kids and I got very upset before
Blanco Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 You should've shared the details from your other thread about this. I thought you were talking about an actual relationship; not an age-gap FWB situation. Let this one go.
LD1990 Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 If that doesn't work is step 2 of this plan finding the cure for type 2 diabetes? Seriously, using gifts to try and win someone back never works, and that's what this is.
Author Skippy1988 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 We broke up late March, I left her for another girl because she couldn't have kids. We never fought or had arguments. We were originally a FWB's but we both caught feelings. Basically it's been 2 months since we've seen each other but we've always remained texting each other. Recently tho, I stopped texting her and noticed she wasn't texting me on her own like before so I stopped. after 9 days of no contact we have this conversation via text ___________________________________ June 5th 10:44 pm HER: June 6th 7:57am Her: Well since you didn't reply... Hope you are do my well... I was giving you some space seeing as you just broke up with your girlfriend... Thought maybe your feelings were based on rebounding from her..... Anyway was saying hi hope your are doing well.... June 6 at 12:42pm ME: My feelings were never influenced by her. I didn't need a rebound from her... June 6th 1:13pm HER: Gotcha... June 6th 3:43pm HER: You working now? June 6th 4:04pm ME: Yea till 11, I'm so lucky June 6th 4:18pm HER: Would you maybe want to come over after work June 6th 4:14pm ME: I dunno if I can tonight June 6th 4:15pm HER: Ok no problem was just putting it out there... June 6th 5:16pm ME: We can meet up one day later this week... June 6th 6:55 HER: OK TL;DR; Do you think she wants me back? and if so, in what way does she want me back, as a FWB or possibly more?
LD1990 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 An invite to come over after 11? Obviously she at least wants to have sex with you. She may or may not want something more serious, but if you broke it off because she can't have kids, that's not something that's going to change.
Author Skippy1988 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 Well yeah, But I told her not tonight to be unavailable to her and make her more attracted to me
Blanco Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 It's not my life, but I think you're being a bit foolish to get wrapped back up in with this single, much older mother of two based on the limerence of your six months together. You're still a young man. Don't let the artificial high than accompanies that honeymoon period to bog you down in such a situation.
basil67 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Why do you care whether or not a FWB can have kids? I thought FWB was all about no strings sex until you find someone better. And with that in mind, she very likely wants to hook up a few times till she finds someone better.
LD1990 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Well yeah, But I told her not tonight to be unavailable to her and make her more attracted to me That's a pretty stupid game to play with someone who already wants to have sex with you.
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