arm123 Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 This is my first post on this website, and Ive read many different stories on here so I thought i would give it a shot and post. Here is the story: Im in college and so is my ex. Im 19, she's 20. When we first met, for 2 months we were literally inseparable. I was at her room every night and we would watch movies and get breakfast and sleep together every night. Unfortunately, she was going abroad the following semester and had already committed to it before meeting me. Our bond with each other really was strong, and she was and still is very sweet and one of the needier types. I visited her at home for a week during winter break, and again every night was perfect. She then came and stayed with me for a week before she left for the semester. At the time, we decided not to push either of us for commitment, but within two weeks after a little bit of an argument and really, our first fight, where I said that sometimes I get tempted while shes abroad and its hard with her gone and I was sometimes uncertain about the future, but in the end all I wanted was her and I wish she was still here. I pulled my head out my ass and realized how special this girl really was to me and committed to her. I called her and told her I wanted to be with her and only her. We made ourselves official and I bought tickets to visit her abroad. All was great. I visited her abroad and stayed with her for a week there, and again, every single night was amazing. I left wanting to tell her I love her, but I did not want to push her so I wrote her a note saying how much I enjoyed our time together and how I cant wait to see her when she gets home. We both knew we loved each other. She even told me later, which Ill get to now. Here is where the problems begin. About 10 days after break, I had 4 exams in a span of a week. I was stressing the hell out and I told her I couldn't talk to her too much for a few days because I needed to study. She was obviously upset as too I could not make some time for her. A few days later, I asked her what was wrong and she said she was unhappy. I pushed her further and she said sometimes she was tempted but she never would get with anyone else because she knows how much she cares and wants me and really, was just saying to pay more attention to her. I LOST it. I kept saying how selfish and unfair it was and she was selfish and a stupid bitch etc etc things I will regret for time to come. This was april 15. At the end of the long argument we kind of reconciled a little bit and realized what we were doing and we stopped and said it wasnt worth fighting and calmed down. A day or two later she said no matter what happens baby I want to see you when I come home. Yet again, I became angry. This time, she gave up. I went to bed that night and coooled off ( I was super stressed from the exams and her and the distance) and I realized how stupid I was being the last two days. I texted her long essays apologizing trying to tell her how I really felt. But the damage was done. She asked for space and pleaded me to give it to her. Obviously I did not listen. We were both heartbroken. For about 4-5 weeks once a week I would contact her trying to beg and plead her. I was too stupid to realize what I was doing. She said she couldnt take me back because I was forcing things and she didnt even know who I was any more. Long story short I kept pushing myself on her and she kept going away and I did it 6 or 7 times in that month. She then blocked my phone number. I went on facebook a few days later, the day before my birthday, and I wrote another few sentences saying how grateful I was for the time we had together and I hope one day in the future she could look past all my stupidity. She answered at first extremely angry like in some previous conversations, absolutely lashing out at me. She said I didnt care about her and I was incapable of caring and if I did I wouldve left her alone. And at first she had hope that we could work things out in the summer or in the school year but now I had ruined every single chance I ever got. I told her again, Im sorry for my inexperience, im grateful for the times we had, and I hope in the future things can be better. She calmed down and said when I first met you I was so into you that I was worried I would tell you I loved you and I did and our relationship was so special and sacred that I cant forgive you for destroying all of it and I cant take you back. I then said again what I did wasn't what I meant and I wanted to say I loved her and cared etc. She said it was best now if we were just apart and if its meant to be its meant to be. This was may 11. The next day bing snapchat. 2 days after, 2 more snapchats. Ignored all 3 of them. The next day, I broke and snapchated her. She kept bringing up how much it would suck for both of us living in the same dorm next year. I didnt answer. She followed up with are you going to just keep ignoring me? I told her I need you to let me be alone and leave you alone. If we truly care about each other well find our way back. She said ok. 2 days later, 2 more snapchats. I broke and responded and she was sending me real personal stuff, things that she would send me like we were still dating. Faces shed only make with me and words shed only say to me. The next day, she sent me another snapchat from a restaurant we used to go to. after 4 or 5 back or forth I could see a tear visible in her eyes. I obviously at this point, couldnt comprehend the roller coaster of emotions she had been putting me through. The next day I snapchated her. I asked her if she wanted help with her math over the summer. She then said "im not falling for that im not stupid with an eye roll" I said, Im being serious. She then said half an hour later, with the lights off in bed " I learned the hard way you dont care about me." I was obviously rattled. 5 snapchats from me saying "I do care about you and it hurts more than anything when you say otherwise and distance kills good relationships and I want to be 10 times better for you here and all this stuff". Since then, no snapchats. Nothing. Is it too late for anything to be salvaged? The last contact was 3 days ago. Im trying to implement a 30 day no contact until she reaches out to me. Live my own life. At this point, im just fed up. But I miss her and I do care about her and out of all the girls ive been with in this school shes the only one thats ever been close to this special. I just know we would never have broken up if she didnt leave for the semester and the horrible distance would be gone. I care so much about her but she doesnt believe me when I say it. I dont know what I can do to get her back but I would do anything to prove to her that we can be just as great as we were when were together. We NEVER had any fights when we were actually together. Should I send a clean slate message in a few days? And then do no contact? Should I just do no contact? Should I bother answering any of her snapchats in the near future? I really havent given her a taste of what its like with me not around. Will no contact work for me? Any advie would be helpful. Youve got to understand I wouldnt throw this up here if we werent so great together back home.
CarrieT Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Im 19, she's 20. No Contact. You two are going to change and grow SO MUCH during college years that before you know it, you will only look back upon your time with her as a youthful dalliance and puppy love. 2
NoLeafClover Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 I met my ex at 20..we were together for 7 years...that's cuz she wasn't playing no push -pull games. Immaturity does come with an age though. Exhibit A- this post here and the young lady you're in love with Wait till college starts again..you might actually like being single after all . I was an R.a at my university and chicks were everywhere..it really reaaalllyy sucked to have a gf TRUST ME when I tell you this. BEING SINGLE ..YOU MUST
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 When geography is the only thing holding you together you don't have much of a relationship. There were mistakes on both sides -- all born of young love. But you never had the foundation or maturity to withstand the distance because things are only good when you are in close proximity. The fact that you both on different occasions confessed that you were tempted, was being too honest. The other person did not need that info; all it did was make you both more insecure. Had you asked before you undertook this disaster, I would have advised you not to make any promises while she was abroad. While she was away you both should have been free to date others with the understanding that if you were both still single when she returned to school, then you could try for a committed relationship. For now, just stay away. Do not contact her, ever. Not just for 30 days. Your "plan" to give her "a taste of what it's like to have you not be around" is game playing manipulation. Don't do it. If she wants to talk, hear her out but don't you reach out. Agree to nothing until you are both back at school.
Toodaloo Posted May 24, 2016 Posted May 24, 2016 Just leave it all alone. You are both young and being dramatic about it all. Don't worry most of the rest of us were there at some point too. Its natural. Don't bother to contact her, ignore, block and delete and you will find you feel a whole heap different when you are both back at school.
Author arm123 Posted May 25, 2016 Author Posted May 25, 2016 I understand and appreciate your messages, but I do want to get back with her at some point in the future. We're living on the same floor next year in school and she is likely to come to her apartment during the summer, and I am here as well. So no contact really isn't an option as she's just a few rooms down (this wasn't intentional lol). I usually don't get into relationships so if anyone has any additional insight, again I'd appreciate it. Even if you think we should never talk again. I've come to realize the only choice between giving up and not giving up is if I'm willing to take her back if and when she does- to lightly quote swingers . I want to leave her alone but it's close to inevitable she reaches out to me or we have frequent contact in the near future
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2016 Posted May 25, 2016 I want to leave her alone but it's close to inevitable she reaches out to me or we have frequent contact in the near future You can still move on and be polite if she is in close proximity, but there is no reason to even entertain the concept of getting back together. Seriously.
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