Relationship Problem

[James_1]

I just made this account because I couldn't find people that had similar problems to mine. Any advice would be appreciated. I have a lot to say so I'm going to start from the beginning. I'm a senior in high school right now. The first day in school i saw this cute girl and i realized she had to be new as i never saw her before that in the other years. She has a case on her phone of a country's flag and i saw that we were both from the same country then. I complimented it and we started talking. There was another guy in the class that apparently thought she was cute too. I got her number first when I asked her for "help in pre calc". We started talking as friends and after awhile it became more playful and flirting. We had a field trip to a college a few hours away and she texted me the night before saying to sit with her which ofc i said yes to. We got on the bus and started talking. After awhile she layed down on my shoulder and started sleeping. Honestly this is one of my favorite memories of us. She was so innocent and happy and sweet and I loved holding her.

 

But since me and her were both from the same country i knew how hard it would be. Because girls are usually allowed no freedom to go out with their friends and the parents are really strict. But we still wanted to try. When i went to the bahamas for thanksgiving break she would facetime and text me all the time and she told me everything and was honest and sweet and didn't lie. We officially started dating December 7 2015 but when we went to that college trip it was in November 10 i think. So we kinda were together in a way. I first went over her house December 27. And that's only becasue her mom was in the hospital and was there for a month so I went over a lot. Since then and now I've seen her outside of school 8 times. The thing is I've never seen someone so immature than her. She smoked weed in our relationship and she told me she was sorry and she'd never do it again but i don't believe her anymore. She also drank a lot and she told me that i couldn't do any of that because it was bad, but she still did it anyway.

 

She loves texting her guy friends, and snapchatting them, and going on twitter and all of this. She told me about her old life and she had a bf for two years at her old school. She had sex with him after 3 months. When she was 14. I was upset about it because that's honestly so young. She also has neighbors and her best friend (girl) never next door. But her best friend, imma call her A, has 4 brothers. One of those she dated for a month. And they dated in August. So a month before i met her. She would go over their house even if A wasn't there and my girl, imma call her L, would go over and see her ex and they'd watch movies. She would go to the gym alone with him too and they'd do partner workouts. When he found out we were dating he got pissed and he said he loved her. As you can guess i was upset. But she told me she was still going to spend time with him and go to the gym and all of this.

 

I was upset, honestly devastated. But after January is where the reap pain started. She has a guy best friend from her old school, imma call him T, and she would go to this guy since 9th grade for advice and problems with anything. So during this whole argument about A's brother and how she spent too much time with him she'd go to the guy for advice about me. T also told her he loved her and that he hated me and he would constantly talk **** about me and flirt with her. She didn't stop him. Even more she wanted to post a picture with A's brother for his birthday on insta and twitter which i got upset about. Because my bday was before his and she never posted anything about me. She got angry at me and went to T for advice again. The next day she said she was sorry and could understand why i got angry but she said she was still going to hang out with A's bro.

 

I was pissed but at this point i loved her so much. So after that maybe a month later after little arguments and great little moments she got depressed one night when her mom wasn't home. She told me she hated her life and all of this stuff and I felt bad because i loved her. But she told me she took a bunch of her mom's pills. I was upset but i wanted to help her and make sure she was ok because i loved her. So i was facetiming her trying to help her and she out me on pause because she was talking to T about the probelms and getting help from him instead of me. I told her to pay attention to me because im trying to help you. She didn't care so i hung up and went to sleep. When i woke up she tried being sweet and nice and pretend like nothing happened. I broke up with her that morning and she said she was sorry and all of this but i had had enough of what she put me through. 2 weeks later we got back together though. She promised she would never do it again.

 

At first it was great but then she started texting guys in front of me in school and would literally be on her phone more than actually talking to me. She promised me she stopped talking to T about our problems and her own. She gave me her phone day because i knew she was lying. I checked and sure enough he was flirting with her and talking **** about me and laughed it off. I was pissed but she acted like it was nothing because that's just "how he is". I wanted to end it there but she grabbed my arm and held my hand walking to her locker and i'm honestly a big softie and i love her i didn't want to end it over something so petty. But in April after we talked all day happy and good and perfect i went to sleep saying goodnight i love you and all of that. I got a text from her 2 hours later because i couldn't sleep. She was saying she was all depressed and she hated her life and i didn't deserve to deal with all her stress and i should be with someone who made me happy.

 

I did a boyfriends job and told her i loved her and she made me happy and that she was perfect in my eyes. Then she told me she couldn't stop talking to T about her problems. I asked did you talk to him before me? And she said yeah. I got pissed and told her i was going to sleep because i didn't want to make a decision without thinking. The next morning i was expecting a good morning message saying she was sorry and she loved me and all of that. I was upset and in class first hour saying do u want to talk about this? and she about what? she acted like nothing happened. So in lunch i was standing in line and she went over to me and leaned on my chest pretending to be cute but i had enough and wasn't going to let her be cute with me. I literally just wanted an apology. She couldn't even swallow her pride. And when we were in 6th hour i was sad and looked depressed af but she didn't even try talking to me. Instead she spend the entire hour talking to the guy behind her.

 

I had enough. So when I got home i texted her saying it was over i literally just wanted an apology. I could have forgiven you for the 100th time but i didn't even get an apology. She said okay i'm done trying for you. From there we talked a little about our future and agreed to talk again in a month. But she still didn't talk to me in class. She talked to that guy and in lunch she sits at a table with a bunch of other guys. I don't think i could describe the heart break and pain and torture I go through everyday at school now. I hate my life because of her. And the thing is during all of this she'll post pictures on insta and twitter practically begging for guys to look and comment all of this bs. While im in pain and she knows what she's doing to me. I had my breaking point one day during lunch and i texted her calling her names I regret this because I've called her this two times since i've been with her. But a guy has a breaking point and i don't know how to deal with her. We've gotten through it though because she says she loves me.

 

And i know ppl will think we're too young but we talk about marrying eachother because she says she loves me and does only truly want me. But that it's better if we wait till she graduated high school because her mom would never let her go outside of the house. My point is everyday i go to school sad and angry and all of these emotions. Im failing two classes and i graduate in 10 days. That is if i graduate. Should i let this girl out of my life? What should i do? Even today she went during lunch and talked to guys during it and was laughing all of this while im clearly sad and in pain because of what she does to me. The thing is i can't explain it well enough. People will say she truly doesn't love me and you might be right. I miss her so much though. And how it used to be. Do i honestly wait for this girl for a year? She tells me she still loves me insane and tells A all the time that she wants to marry me and I believe that she does want that but with the way she treats me i don't know if she's that serious about us.

 

If you guys need any extra info please ask. I need help from someone before i do something crazy. thank you. this literally took 30 minutes i think. I spent the night at her house one time too. Probably the best moment of my life. I went to sleep with her in my arms and I knew at that moment everything was ok as long as i had her. I woke up with her and she was tired and sleepy and so cute and perfect. She looked at me with sleepy eyes and said "goodmorning baby" and i couldn't help but give out a big stupid smile because i knew at that moment i was blessed to have her. I gave her a kiss and said goodmorning princess. This was in february. We talked about it too and said that next time her mom went to the hospital for whatever reason i'd come over and we would talk about all of this that we'd recreate that night and we would be happy and perfect. And i know that's true but still. Should i end it now forever and ever? Or wait till i can come over? Im in desperate need of advice guys. Anything is welcome. Please.

Edited May 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[Buddhist]

You want advice? Really? Okay then.

 

She is a drama queen, you are fairly addicted to the drama too. You are both calling drama 'love', which is not what this this. It's drama. I get it, I was a HS teenager too and thought this was love. It's exciting, it feels special and it seems like some kind of secret grown up thing to do.

 

Sure, date this girl and enjoy the endless drama until you get sick of it. Between now and the age of 30 you will find many similar girls that you will also desperately 'love'....aka create a lot of drama with. At the end of your 20's however you will be sick to your eyeballs with this merry-go-round and probably at that time seek out someone who doesn't create endless drama in your life. Then you will call that 'love'.

 

Enjoy this rite of passage that you will one day wake up from and be glad it's all over.

[SilverAccount]

This could be destructive, eventually it will all come to a blow due to her nature, it can only end badly in my opinion.

[smackie9]

She isn't ready for anything serious. She is enjoying her freedom, and she likes the attention from other guys, so you should just let her go. You can force her to stop, she doesn't want to. So why keep getting upset??? You only answer is to stop seeing her.

[Papiyon]

sorry to hear that you are going through such a confusing time. I cant help but think that this is an unhealthy relationship for you. There’s a lot of dishonesty and broken trust. You have taken a mature stance throughout all the drama, and your ex does not acknowledge that. The attempts to take her life are cries for help; subsequently the help she needs will not be fulfilled from a relationship with you or from anyone. She has to make a conscious decision to seek that help on her own. At present it doesn’t sound like she is mature enough to do that. I know it may difficult to let her go but this can very well be the best thing for you. Trust yourself and your intuition. The pain you feel is real; if she cared as much as you did she would act differently. As you mentioned, the interaction between you two has caused you a great deal of stress, pain, and now it’s taking a toll on you mentally and emotionally. It is best that you let her go and recover from this unhealthy relationship. Friendly reminder loves is kind, patient, protects, trust, perseveres and gives hope (1Cor 13:4-8). Maybe you can use that as your gauge for future relationships. I hope this helps. I will be praying for you.